12.3.2015 (first published this week in 2005)
I know how much it would suck to be friends with Brittany Spears.
It
would be Thursday night and Alan would be in LA and the rest of us
would be standing around having beers and trying not to stare at the TV
behind the bar and Spears would walk in and we'd buy her a beer or mebbe
she'd refuse because she got plenty of beers paid for by Lovely List
Members the week before and she'd pony-up funds for beers and we'd stand
around and drink beers and talk. SOON ENOUGH she'd say something like,
"Hey you wanna hear the song I'm working on?" and before anyone could
say HELL NO she'd launch into an a capella (loud a capella as she's
singing over the din of the crowd and likely the juke) version of her
shitty new pop song so awful you want to take a hostage. Some times
she'd rough-out the ridiculous dance she'd eventually do to the song
onstage. It would be embarassing. "Yeh, she's with us. Yeh, she's
drunk."
Or mebbe it would a Saturday night and we'd be at the
bowling alley eating crappy pizza and drinking pitchers of Bud and
rolling Turkeys and SOON ENOUGH she'd say something like, "Hey you wanna
hear the song I'm working on?" and before anyone could say HELL NO
she'd launch into an a capella (loud a capella as she's singing over the
din of the strikes, spares and gutterballs and likely the juke) version
of her shitty new pop song so awful you want to take a hostage. Some
times she'd rough-out the ridiculous dance she'd eventually do to the
song onstage right there on lane 22. Some times she'd step over the
foul line. It would be a scene.
Or mebbe it would be a beautiful
afternoon when my brother and I are indoors watching the Cubs play the
Pirates while we enjoy snacks and a shitload of beer. We'd be laughing
or crying at the poor play of our shitty teams and she'd come over and
within a few minutes she'd say something like, "Hey you wanna hear the
song I'm working on?" and before we could say HELL NO she'd launch into
an a capella (loud a capella as she's singing over the din of the TV)
version of her shitty new pop song so awful you want to take a hostage.
Some times she'd rough-out the ridiculous dance she'd eventually do to
the song onstage right there next to the couch. Sometimes during
commercial breaks we'd have to watch her. It would be excruciating.
Or
mebbe it would be a beautiful afternoon when my brother, wife and
whoever else would be in the backyard, barbecuing burgers and dogs,
drinking beers and enjoying the day. She'd come over, have a beer,
enjoy a dog and soon enough she'd say something like, "Hey you wanna
hear the song I'm working on?" and before we could say HELL NO she'd
launch into an a capella (loud a capella as she's singing over the din
of the firestation next door) version of her shitty new pop song so
awful you want to take a hostage. Some times she'd rough-out the
ridiculous dance she'd eventually do to the song onstage right there on
the lawn next to the Weber. At times we would fear her wild gyrations
would knock over the grill. We hoped she wouldn't spill any more beer.
It would suck.
Tonight - Last official meeting of 2015: Homestead
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
Thursday, December 17, 2015
Thursday, December 10, 2015
DMSR REDUX
12.2.2015
(Originally published 10 Sep 2009)
I lived in this courtyard bldg in Chicago ... I was at one end of the horseshoe and one night - long after midnight - this racket erupts from the middle of the U ... I came to learn it was the song "Sexy MF" by the one-and-only Prince.
Srsly ... when the lyrics "You sexy motherfucker" emit from the inky black of night at high volume in high fidelity, asleep or not, it will get your attention.
Nothing else was going on. No lights coming from the place. No party going on. Just darkness and the dulcet tones of perhaps the raunchiest of raunchy Prince songs.
I have to believe someone was getting it on.
Tonight - Jay n' Bee Club
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
(Originally published 10 Sep 2009)
I lived in this courtyard bldg in Chicago ... I was at one end of the horseshoe and one night - long after midnight - this racket erupts from the middle of the U ... I came to learn it was the song "Sexy MF" by the one-and-only Prince.
Srsly ... when the lyrics "You sexy motherfucker" emit from the inky black of night at high volume in high fidelity, asleep or not, it will get your attention.
Nothing else was going on. No lights coming from the place. No party going on. Just darkness and the dulcet tones of perhaps the raunchiest of raunchy Prince songs.
I have to believe someone was getting it on.
Tonight - Jay n' Bee Club
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
Thursday, December 03, 2015
Lemons
12.1.2015
Do you remember where you were on July 30th, 1994? I do, because it was one of the most epic, one-night adventures I've ever had. It started like many nights back then did: We went to the bar.
Let me back up a sec. I lived in Chicago at the time. I was with my girlfriend and my sister, and it was a hot, humid Saturday night and we were waiting for a pal from out of town to meet us at my apartment. We were supposed to be coming up with ideas on where to take my pal, Derwood, when he arrived. We could do no better than "the bar" when he got there.
Derwood was in town for a bachelor party. A family friend was getting married soon and Derwood, his father and several other blokes played golf and whooped it up at the club, then went to dinner. Derwood escaped to my pad at this point.
There were dozens of bars in our neighborhood, so we tried to figure out one that we hadn't been to recently and that had food. Derwood said he didn't care about food, so we set out on foot for a nice place called "The Jury Room." We chose this because Derwood's father and the rest of the bachelor party was going there after dinner. I knew Derwood's dad and thought it would be nice to see him again.
Halfway there, we saw a poster on a wall announcing a new album by a band we all really liked. "Split" was a new record by Lush. None of us knew of this new release. There was a banner on the poster: "See Lush LIVE at the Vic! 7/31/94!" Sweet! That's tomorrow! There was a banner on the banner: "Sold out." Shit!
We trudged on thrilled about the new record but bummed that we couldn't go to the show the following night. We reached the bar and passed its large front window to reach the door. As I passed the window, I noticed few people in the bar, but sitting at the bar itself were two people. One of them was a young woman with cherry-red hair. I had a thought.
We entered the bar and headed for the tables in the back. Passing the couple sitting at the bar, I heard the cherry-red haired woman speaking to her companion. She had a British accent. I glanced at her and she was, indeed, the guitarist and singer from Lush. We sat down and the waitress came to take our orders. We ordered and asked her to put the couple at the bar's next round on us. She did. We watched as she told them and they both turned to us. We raised our glasses and they sheepishly toasted us back.
A while later the bachelor party arrived. Derwood's dad came over and we chatted a bit. The bachelor came over and we discovered that he was the President and CEO of the hospital that both my girlfriend and my sister worked at. Also that Derwood's dad knew my dad, and that my dad knew the bachelor. The circle was complete. Almost.
That's Miki. Most well-oiled bachelor party attendees would notice a girl like her and a few might attempt to talk to her. Our bachelor party had a few of these fellows. One of them was Derwood's dad. After a bit, he came back and said, "She said thanks for the drink. She's really nice. Do you want to meet her?" We stammered out a "yes."
So, he did what some guys do. He went over to the bar and brought Miki and her companion back to our table. And they sat down.
So for a couple hours we sat and drank with Miki and her friend. And Derwood's dad. And the hospital president. It was quite a group. I have no idea what we talked about.
Later, as she was leaving, she asked if we were going to the show and we said, no. We'd only learned of it earlier that night and also learned that it was sold out. She asked if we wanted to go to the show. We stammered out a "yes, please." She took our names and we said good night.
(The night wasn't over for us: Sans Miki, we went back to the hospital president's SWEET air-conditioned pad. It was in an old Coke bottle factory and it was swank. We drank his expensive booze and stayed up real late.)
The next night we went to the show. It was rad. We had "After Show" privileges, so we got to hang with the band. It was rad.
Lush has recently announced a reunion. They're working on new material and have announced a few live dates in the UK. I hope like hell that they will cross the pond and come to my town.
Tonight - The Phone Booth
(1st-time TNSC visit to this glorious dive)
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
Do you remember where you were on July 30th, 1994? I do, because it was one of the most epic, one-night adventures I've ever had. It started like many nights back then did: We went to the bar.
Let me back up a sec. I lived in Chicago at the time. I was with my girlfriend and my sister, and it was a hot, humid Saturday night and we were waiting for a pal from out of town to meet us at my apartment. We were supposed to be coming up with ideas on where to take my pal, Derwood, when he arrived. We could do no better than "the bar" when he got there.
Derwood was in town for a bachelor party. A family friend was getting married soon and Derwood, his father and several other blokes played golf and whooped it up at the club, then went to dinner. Derwood escaped to my pad at this point.
There were dozens of bars in our neighborhood, so we tried to figure out one that we hadn't been to recently and that had food. Derwood said he didn't care about food, so we set out on foot for a nice place called "The Jury Room." We chose this because Derwood's father and the rest of the bachelor party was going there after dinner. I knew Derwood's dad and thought it would be nice to see him again.
Halfway there, we saw a poster on a wall announcing a new album by a band we all really liked. "Split" was a new record by Lush. None of us knew of this new release. There was a banner on the poster: "See Lush LIVE at the Vic! 7/31/94!" Sweet! That's tomorrow! There was a banner on the banner: "Sold out." Shit!
We trudged on thrilled about the new record but bummed that we couldn't go to the show the following night. We reached the bar and passed its large front window to reach the door. As I passed the window, I noticed few people in the bar, but sitting at the bar itself were two people. One of them was a young woman with cherry-red hair. I had a thought.
We entered the bar and headed for the tables in the back. Passing the couple sitting at the bar, I heard the cherry-red haired woman speaking to her companion. She had a British accent. I glanced at her and she was, indeed, the guitarist and singer from Lush. We sat down and the waitress came to take our orders. We ordered and asked her to put the couple at the bar's next round on us. She did. We watched as she told them and they both turned to us. We raised our glasses and they sheepishly toasted us back.
A while later the bachelor party arrived. Derwood's dad came over and we chatted a bit. The bachelor came over and we discovered that he was the President and CEO of the hospital that both my girlfriend and my sister worked at. Also that Derwood's dad knew my dad, and that my dad knew the bachelor. The circle was complete. Almost.
That's Miki. Most well-oiled bachelor party attendees would notice a girl like her and a few might attempt to talk to her. Our bachelor party had a few of these fellows. One of them was Derwood's dad. After a bit, he came back and said, "She said thanks for the drink. She's really nice. Do you want to meet her?" We stammered out a "yes."
So, he did what some guys do. He went over to the bar and brought Miki and her companion back to our table. And they sat down.
So for a couple hours we sat and drank with Miki and her friend. And Derwood's dad. And the hospital president. It was quite a group. I have no idea what we talked about.
Later, as she was leaving, she asked if we were going to the show and we said, no. We'd only learned of it earlier that night and also learned that it was sold out. She asked if we wanted to go to the show. We stammered out a "yes, please." She took our names and we said good night.
(The night wasn't over for us: Sans Miki, we went back to the hospital president's SWEET air-conditioned pad. It was in an old Coke bottle factory and it was swank. We drank his expensive booze and stayed up real late.)
The next night we went to the show. It was rad. We had "After Show" privileges, so we got to hang with the band. It was rad.
Lush has recently announced a reunion. They're working on new material and have announced a few live dates in the UK. I hope like hell that they will cross the pond and come to my town.
Tonight - The Phone Booth
(1st-time TNSC visit to this glorious dive)
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
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