A Quinn-Martin Production (REDUX)

8.5.2018 (first posted this week 2000)

I ride my bike a lot. I ride to and from work almost every day. The streets of San Francisco, for those of you who don't know, tend to be quite dangerous. Lotsa drivers don't seem to see bikes. Or pedestrians. Or cars, trucks, vans or busses for that matter. It also seems, and this is just my observation, that they are hell-bent on gettin' to wherever it is they're goin' - and damn the guy that gets in my way. In other words, IF they see you, they are probably very irritated to see that you are in their way.

A lot of people say that they would never ride a bike on the streets of San Francisco. Just too damn dangerous. They're right. I, however, continue to ride. No ... no, I don't have a death wish. I'm just committed to it. I also strive to be careful. I stop at red lights. I stop at stop signs. I yield for pedestrians. The most important thing I do is I behave "predictably." I ride straight, I don't weave around wildly, I don't act like a jerk. Bikes have a right to the road and I ain't afraid of traffic. Respectful, but not afraid. Wait. Yeah, okay, I am afraid of a certain component of traffic: those cement mixers. One of them huge suckers even nicks you and yer ridin' the high lonesome from now on. No chance.

Makes me think. I'm little and cement mixers are big. I'm afraid of them. They're not afraid of me. That seems natural. Little being afraid of big. Fine. How is it, then, that elephants (big) are afraid of mice (little)? Doesn't make a lot of sense. Elephants can stomp the crap out of a whole colony of mice. I think tonight we should find out the reason. We'll go to the source and ask an expert. 
Here: 

The Homestead 

Special guests!  Come and meet (most) of your founders!

TONIGHT'S CONTEST: The quarter-finals of the Hold-Your-Breath contest. Check the leader board and make your wagers. (See John Metsker for current odds.)

TONIGHT'S DRAMATIC REENACTMENT: The "invention" of Crepes Suzette.

Henry Charpentier was the personal chef of Edward, Prince of Wales. One night Charpentier was preparing a new dessert to honor his patron. They were to be crepes with an elaborate sauce of lemon rind, orange rind, sugar, butter and liqueur.

As the sauce was boiling, the liqueur accidentally ignited. Charpentier panicked. He couldn't serve this to the prince, nor could he start over. After a moment of anguish, he tried the sauce. It was delicious! He then boiled the crepes in the sauce, added even more liqueur and served the dessert to the prince - sauce aflame! The prince was delighted with both the presentation and the crepes. He asked his chef the name of the dish, to which Charpentier replied that he had just devised it and would call them Crepes Edward. The prince was honored, but asked Charpentier if he would name them Suzette - the prince's "companion" that evening. And thus - Crepes Suzette! Our players: Rosey plays Charpentier. Scott Harris plays Edward, Prince of Wales. Lori K. plays the beautiful but otherwise unknown woman named Suzette. Danielle plays a bunch of crepes. John Metsker takes on the difficult role of flaming lemon rind, orange rind, sugar, butter and liqueur.

TONIGHT'S SINGLED OUT LIST MEMBER: Rosey. This is the last time this quitter will be singled out, as it is his last week with us. Someone gave him a map to LA and he's going. Good luck to Rosey and we'll miss him. Happy Trails!

The lizard in the sour cream and onion potato chips was a hoax. They are safe to eat.

bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!

Octopus!! (REDUX)

8.4.2018  (first post this week 2004)


Dang but not workin' is great! Here's what I've done: 
Washed the floors 
Cleaned the shower, ter-let and bathroom sink. 
Done three-four loads of wash. And folded 'em. 
Gone to the market. 
Cooked up dinner: Brussels sauteed in bacon and garlic along w/ Beef Stroganoff. 
Cooked up coffee: Pot-a Kona, Pot-a "Ethiopian Fancy" and two Pots-a Costa Rican. 
Cooked up a big pot-a baked beans. 
Gone off to the gym. Three times. 
Washed a VW Golf. Int and Ext. 
Washed a Jeep Liberty. Int and Ext. 
Watered a bunch of plants. 
Paid a bunch of bills. 
Took a shitload of ... uh ... shit to Goodwill. 
Returned a bunch of ... uh ... shit to the Ikea and Home Depot. 
Like I said: Not workin' is soooooo great. 

Tonight - Kickin' it North Beach - Tony Nik's (by request)
* Special guests!! *

Dang if you missed last week you missed Susan Dynamite. You eeeediot! 


bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!

Sweet ... creamery ... (REDUX)

8.3.2018 (first posted this week 2000)

I've always wanted to make a time capsule and I figure now's the time. I'm making a list of things to put in it:

Packa smokes. (Obvious choice. First thing ya do when you crack the thing open is find smokes. Light up and go through the rest of the capsule.)

Case of Coors Light. (Folks'll be thirsty for good beer in the future.)

Chicago Cubs cap. (My time capsule. I decide what goes in it.)

Metal keys. (When them "retina scanners" come out metal keys are dinosaurs.)

Ream of copy paper. (Paper = GOLD in future.)

Cell Phone (I'm putting mine in there to get rid of it.)

Pecan Pie recipe. (De-lish.)

Assorted Joe R. Lansdale novels. (Read some yourself and you'll know why future-boy gets these gems.)

A roll of latent 35mm neg. (Picture the fella who opens the capsule finding this. Curiosity will get the better of them and they'll find themselves compelled to develop the negative (Prob at no small cost. You know, "digaital photography" is the future. Fotomats are gonna be bulldozed (or LASER-DEMOLISHED (??)) faster than you can say "Bob's Big Boy." Anyhoo, Future Citizen will go through this ordeal to find on the neg very tasteful pictures of my cats. My gift to them.)

Brand-new leather wallet. (For holding fancy-ass credit chips or whatever.)

Last, but not least, the name of the location of tonight's TNSC meeting: 

Wooden Nickel - Go for the cocktails, stay for the San Diego-style Cal/Mex food.

Business news: Want a list of new members? Okay!

NOTE: I need real names for future SINGLED OUT LIST MEMBERS. More business news: I'm going to clean up the list soon. If you haven't come for a while, you might want to renew your membership by having someone buy you a drink at a meeting.

TONIGHT'S CONTEST: Firewalking

TONIGHT'S DRAMATIC REENACTMENT: The first time somebody stopped for a yellow light in San Francisco. The players: Well ... no one has actually ever stopped for a yellow light in SF, so we have to wait till someone does before we dramatically reenact it.

TONIGHT'S SINGLED OUT LIST MEMBER: Rosey. Still a quitter. Speaking of quitting, guess who quit smoking? I started for a good reason and quit for the same reason. Go figure.

Team Bjeldanes results from 12aug00: Win. 5-0 (yeah, I know. I said 5-0 last week. My typewriter is screwy. Sometimes it writes "5" instead of "4." Sometimes it writes "I like fancy-ass microbrews like Sierra Nevada" instead of "I hate fancy-ass microbrews like Sierra Nevada.")

Team Bjeldanes results from 13aug00: Win. Backwards "K" to end the game. Thanks Tobin Jones, pitcher-god. 6-0.

Does anyone want to go bowling?

See you all tonight or ELSE! Bring yer best pal or best gal.

bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!

K-rouze!!

8.2.2018

carouse | kəˈrouz | verb [no object] drink plentiful amounts of alcohol and enjoy oneself with others in a noisy, lively way: they danced and caroused until the drink ran out | (as noun carousing) :  a night of carousing. noun a noisy, lively drinking party: corporate carouses. DERIVATIVES carousal | kəˈrouz(ə)l | noun carouser | kəˈrouzər | noun ORIGIN mid 16th century: originally as an adverb meaning ‘right out, completely’ in the phrase drink carouse, from German gar aus trinken; hence ‘drink heavily, have a drinking bout’.

Tonight - Casanova Lounge
(by request - it's been a while since our last visit)


bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!

(no title)

8.1.2018  (first posted this week 2002)

Think about this one:
24/7 cat supervision.

Tonight - Lone Palm

bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!