Scratch and Sniff (REDUX)

2.4.2019  (first posted this week 2001)

I've felt the overwhelming need to take things apart lately. I started with my bike. I took the wheels off, the chain off, the brakes off. The handlebars, shifters, derailleurs, seat assembly, bottom bracket, and cog set I rendered to pieces. Let me tell you this: the modern mountain bike is an intricate, multi-faceted machine. When I was done prying, unscrewing and dissassembling I stood in evidence of hundreds of bits and pieces. I had to do something with it all so I cleaned it. I use a citrus degreaser that you might imagine smells like oranges and lemons. With a kick. A distinctly inflammable kick. While standing at kitchen sink scrubbing gears and such, I began to detect some subtlties of the degreaser's odor. The manufacturer certainly used valencia oranges. I eat a lot of them and they smell (and taste) sweeter than other varieties, like the temple or navel. In addition, the smell of ruby red grapefruit and honeybell tangelos was present. My olfactory sense must have been heightened that day because the scent of kumquat, as minute as it was, was certainly there. I did a quick catalog of the genus citrus ... something was missing from the brew. They had kumquats in there fer chrissakes, what would they leave out? The fumes may have been getting to me but I was sure something was missing. Not from the degreaser, mind you, it is a fabulous product that cleans up Chuck (my bike) like a dream. No ... no ... something was missing from my inventory. It suddenly hit me like a fifth of Beam: Limes! Where were the limes? Why would they be left out? How could they be left out? My god ... limes are one of the best things on the planet right now. Believe me.

Tonight - The Homestead

News items of interest or non-interest: Thanks to Moss for pinch-hitting the TNSC VA last week. I hear a good time was had by all. Bonus points for list members who took public trans. I was at 33,000 feet or you bet I'da been there. Sue Erokan provides a new email address. Loretta provides a name change. Some folks not on the list anymore. It's okay, though, they never came to meetings. When we gettin' Kev back? A while back I mentioned that the location of these web pages will change soon. Well, hold your breath 'cause it's real soon now. I'll tell ya next week or something.

TONIGHT'S CONTEST: Go Fish! marathon.

TONIGHT'S DRAMATIC REENACTMENT: The fight between Jimmy Relford and Claude Tucker, ages 11 and 9 respectively, on the playground at Colberth Elementary school in Madison County, Georgia. A full half-year of "Tucker Tucker Tucker is a fucker fucker fucker" culminated in numerous punches to the nose and eye of young Relford by the younger Tucker. Relford tried to fight back with a sweeping kick to Tucker's stomach, but the nine-year old was a dynamo. It took Mr. Prints, the shop teacher, and Mrs. Swindell, the principal, to separate the youths. It was a small victory in the war against name-based harassment, and Claude Tucker enjoyed the fruits of his victory: Jimmy Relford bloodied and humiliated and a cool week off school (or "suspension" if you want to get technical.) Players: Sally Carter plays Claude and Clova plays Jimmy. Bobo plays the shop teacher and Teensy plays the principal.

TONIGHT'S SINGLED-OUT LIST MEMBER: Raub Shapiro.

Lemme get this straight: A fella can eat huevos and queso and tocino and carne asada all week and LOSE three pounds? I think I should oughta move al sur de l’mite.

If you've got plans tonight CANCEL THEM! Come to TNSC and see for yourself the fun that can be had on a (possibly) rainy night in the Missio . Bring your pals. I know I will. See you there! 

bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!

Zoom (REDUX)

2.3.2019  (first posted this week 2005)


Direct from the part of my pea-sized brain that holds what seem like million-year-old memories comes this gem: Oh how I loved getting a new pair of shoes and wearing them out of the store. While a new pair of shoes usually meant a new school year and we all know that new school years totally sucked, this fact did not diminish my pleasure with wearing my new pair of shoes right out the doors of Buster Browns. The second wearing of the shoes was forgettable and mundane but not the first and here's why: Because the gentleman who worked at the shoe store tied the laces oh so perfectly tight with much eclat; a performance of great elan, sophistication and grace, and a professional know-how that is largely dead today except for such vocations as harpsichord repair. I could not duplicate the perfection of the zapateria clerk's skill, no matter how I tried. And try I did.

Only later in life did I learn the shoe store employees were losers and perverts.

Tonight - Elixir Saloon
(2nd oldest bar in SF)

bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!

Happy VD!! (REDUX)

2.2.2019  (first posted this date 2008)

History Lesson. 

The Elders have canceled tonight's meeting.

Oh ... 



Happy VD indeedy!

bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!

Can Your Pussy Do the Dog? (REDUX)

2.1.2019  (first posted this week 2009)

I had a great Venue Announcement ready to go about sneaking into the bus depot across the street and gender-bending their ice sculptures with some ironic adds here and take-aways there, only to be emotionally, spiritually, psychically and physically derailed by the sad, sad news that one of my rock heroes, Lux Interior of The Cramps, has died. It took the VA right away from me. Console one another at the bar. Rub up against the rock stars that will be there tonight. Stick out your can.

Tonight - Tony Nik's Bar and Lounge

TNSC Cincinnati representing!!!  Don't miss it!

bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!