Korea
12.1.2k3
Thursday, 14 December 2003
I'm not sure if I told you about the exchange student I've been hosting. Cute kid. Nice, bright and doesn't drink all my booze while I'm away to exotic ports-of-call, like when I went to Lubbock last weekend. His name is Zadeh and he's from one them former Soviet Republics with -istan in the name that ya never hear about 'cept come the Olympics and even then only if yr paying close attention to the "fringe events." Bezuckistan - or whatever - runs the table in the Standing Broad Jump. Zadeh's older brother took Silver at Barcelona in '92 and Gold at Atlanta in '96. Zadeh proudly displays a wonderful photo that graced the cover of Sports Illustrated of his brother jumping some broad in what would be his Gold performance. Zadeh's father and his father's father before him have been jumping broads to national glory since the '30's. I asked him why he wasn't a world-class broad jumper and he said it was because of a Nintendo-related injury he suffered as a child. I asked if it was repetitive-stress or a Tetris-stupor and he said no, that his injury was sustained while stealing a Nintendo off the back of a truck in some frozen boder outpost. He tumbled almost 100 meters (his words) down a rocky hill and had to be rescued by a yak. The little rascal!
Tonight: The Il Pirata
Oh hey and: Find the Reference!
If ya got a thing for UPS drivers or their brown uniforms or both, or if you got a package ya need to send out or pick up, yr in luck as the UPS complex is right across the street from the Pirata. But y'all know this already as we've been here before. I know I have. Rocky Raccoon knows too, if you catch my meaning.
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
Sunday, December 14, 2003
Thursday, December 11, 2003
Thursday, November 20, 2003
Balderdash!
11.3.2k3
Thursday, 20 November 2003
So I had to submit to a urine test the other day. I'd been accused or using performance-enhancing drugs during the last Scrabble tournament I'd won and I had to clear my name. Boy is it a cutthroat world! Anyway, I don't know if you ever had to pee in a cup for anything other than normal reasons (?), but when you're a suspect, they treat you a lot different at the clinic. They're not nice. They're cold, they're quite rude and their stares burn a hole right through you. The clinician I was lucky enough to get was as big as a house and scary looking. He breathed through one nostril and squished his face into a scowl worthy of a Halloween mask. He ordered me to empty my pockets into a clear, lucite box. When I'd finished, he spun me around and fuckin'-A FRISKED me. "Jesus, buddy, watch yr hands," I said. He grunted a shutthefuckup. When his full-cavity search turned up nothing, he slapped a padlock on the lucite box and then handed me the box and thrust a piss cup in my hand. "Go in dere," he said, motioning to a room with a unisex symbol on the door, "and you gots fifteen seconds only. And yr being watched through the cameras and such. Don't do nothin' funny or I'm comin' in." Jesus, I thought, going into the room, no pressure or nothing.
I managed to fill the specimen cup in the alloted time and capped it. I opened the door and handed it over to the Neanderthal. "Here ya go, Piss Man," I said, "now unlock my shit, yo." I thought it was funny to call him Piss Man. And I aced the test. My pee was squeaky clean, yo. Don't need dope to throw my BCHSXYZ into _EN_O___AMP_OR_ to spell BENZOXYCAMPHORS and score 1830 points, yo.
Tonight: Annies
Oh hey and: Find the Reference!
Enjoy the Annie's without Robot tonight, as Robot is winging-it into the desert South West to view best friend Phil's new baby name of Ezzard.
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
11.3.2k3
Thursday, 20 November 2003
So I had to submit to a urine test the other day. I'd been accused or using performance-enhancing drugs during the last Scrabble tournament I'd won and I had to clear my name. Boy is it a cutthroat world! Anyway, I don't know if you ever had to pee in a cup for anything other than normal reasons (?), but when you're a suspect, they treat you a lot different at the clinic. They're not nice. They're cold, they're quite rude and their stares burn a hole right through you. The clinician I was lucky enough to get was as big as a house and scary looking. He breathed through one nostril and squished his face into a scowl worthy of a Halloween mask. He ordered me to empty my pockets into a clear, lucite box. When I'd finished, he spun me around and fuckin'-A FRISKED me. "Jesus, buddy, watch yr hands," I said. He grunted a shutthefuckup. When his full-cavity search turned up nothing, he slapped a padlock on the lucite box and then handed me the box and thrust a piss cup in my hand. "Go in dere," he said, motioning to a room with a unisex symbol on the door, "and you gots fifteen seconds only. And yr being watched through the cameras and such. Don't do nothin' funny or I'm comin' in." Jesus, I thought, going into the room, no pressure or nothing.
I managed to fill the specimen cup in the alloted time and capped it. I opened the door and handed it over to the Neanderthal. "Here ya go, Piss Man," I said, "now unlock my shit, yo." I thought it was funny to call him Piss Man. And I aced the test. My pee was squeaky clean, yo. Don't need dope to throw my BCHSXYZ into _EN_O___AMP_OR_ to spell BENZOXYCAMPHORS and score 1830 points, yo.
Tonight: Annies
Oh hey and: Find the Reference!
Enjoy the Annie's without Robot tonight, as Robot is winging-it into the desert South West to view best friend Phil's new baby name of Ezzard.
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
Thursday, November 06, 2003
Icy London.
11.1.2k3
Thursday, 06 November 2003
I recently redefined my "Leave of Absence" to a cooler, sexier term: "Special Assignment." You know, a pal asks how work is going and you say, "I'm on Leave of Absence," and yr pal thinks yr a dork but not if you say, "I'm on 'Special Assignment.'" They'll start thinking about the cool, sexy adventures you'll be having on "Special Assignment:" Jetting off to exotic cities, deep-sea fishing, smearin' cocoa butter on some hottie's shoulders and whatnot. In reality, though, "Special Assignment" has afforded me time to fill my apartment with smoke from my fireplace, pick up cat poop and buy foods that rot in my fridge. Yeh, baby ... SEXY!
Tonight: Dalva
Oh hey and: Find the Reference!
Dalva sounds like the boss of me. I gotta go in that case. You better too. See you there.
whrr ... clik!
11.1.2k3
Thursday, 06 November 2003
I recently redefined my "Leave of Absence" to a cooler, sexier term: "Special Assignment." You know, a pal asks how work is going and you say, "I'm on Leave of Absence," and yr pal thinks yr a dork but not if you say, "I'm on 'Special Assignment.'" They'll start thinking about the cool, sexy adventures you'll be having on "Special Assignment:" Jetting off to exotic cities, deep-sea fishing, smearin' cocoa butter on some hottie's shoulders and whatnot. In reality, though, "Special Assignment" has afforded me time to fill my apartment with smoke from my fireplace, pick up cat poop and buy foods that rot in my fridge. Yeh, baby ... SEXY!
Tonight: Dalva
Oh hey and: Find the Reference!
Dalva sounds like the boss of me. I gotta go in that case. You better too. See you there.
whrr ... clik!
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