2.3.2020 (first posted this week 2004)
So I'm brushin' my teeth the other day, and sometimes I got that lazy habit of letting the water run as I brush. I know, I know, it's a waste, and I try not to do it often, but sometimes I slip and let it run. So the other day I'm brushin', the water's runnin', and it's coming out at a good flow. I sorta space out sometimes and this was one. That's a major reason I let the water run: Being spaced-out. So I'm spaced-out, brushin' the fangs, runnin' the water when suddenly the flow stutters, bubbles, coughs and starts merely trickling out. Not unlike if yr live-in-lover runs a faucet somewhere else, starts the laundry or flushes the commode. It's quite a difference, this trickle from the formerly robust water flow.
Toothbrush still in mouth, I lean over to get a better view of the tap. As I do, I hear eerie music emanating from somewhere close by. I lean in farther and the music gets clearer. It sounds like a David Lynch film score or a whacked-out funeral march. Strangely, it seems the source of the music is from somewhere in the sink! I'm rather confused at this point and by now I have my ear right up to the tap. Rather by chance, I happen to glance into the sink's overflow hole and I'll be damned if I couldn't see something in there. Furthermore, the music seems to be coming from the overflow hole, too. I squint to try to make out what's in there and it starts to come into focus. It sorta looks like the set from Hee-Haw with barn-like wood plank walls and bales of hay all about. I can clearly see a couple people in overalls sitting on the hay bales smoking corncob pipes and listening to a nearby boombox, obviously the source of the funereal music. I'm about to shit my fucking pants when the stem from a corncob pipe juts out of the hole and pokes me right in the eye. Taken aback, I'm about to say, "what the fuck?" when I hear a voice say, "Knock off the peepin', neighbor." Just then the water flow picks up and I rinse and spit. Haven't thought of that weird scene until just now.
Tonight - Let your guard down at...House of Shields
See you there!
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
Thursday, February 20, 2020
Thursday, February 13, 2020
Pledge Drive! (REDUX)
2.2.2020 (first published this day 2001)
"Hi again everybody. Julie C. here for the ... Tee ... En ... Ess See pledge-a-thon. We're hoping to get ... uh ... "
"Hi folks. It's A.C. My lovely wife and I are here for the first annual Thursday Night Social Club pledge-a-palooza. It's her first time running the show so she's a little nervous. I'm sure she'll warm up in a minute or two, but until then, let me tell you why we here at the Thursday Night Social Club need your support. The TNSC, unlike most organizations of its kind, exists only through the patronage of you, its members. There's no sponsorship. There's no financier. There is but a collection of friendly folks who like to go to bars and talk and have fun and eat really late and sometimes feel like they've been hit by a truck the next day. They don't necessarily like feeling like they've been hit by a truck, that's just a "calculated risk ..."
"He's rambling folks. It's Julie again. I feel better now. We would really love it if you would pledge your support to the Thursday Night Social Club. It's really easy and here's how: Come to the venue tonight. It's that simple. Come out and see your fellow Thursday Night Social Club members at tonight's venue."
"That's right. It's you - you the Thursday Night Social Club member that makes it all possible. You come out, you talk, you listen, you gossip ... that's the spirit of the Thursday Night Social Club. Heck. I don't know of anything better. Do you know of anything at all better Julie?"
"Nope. I sure don't A.C. I don't know of anything even remotely better than a bunch of pals getting together and having fun at a regular meeting of the Thursday Night Social Club."
"You know, the Founding Members have come up with some incentives to ... uh ... "sweeten the pot." Your pledge of support will get you some really great Thursday Night Social Club schwag. Am I right?"
"Of course you're right. The Thursday Night Social Club goodies are great! They're good and great! Ha Ha! They're goodies that are great! They're Thursday Night Social Club great goodies ..."
"Geez, dude. Pull it together! Tell them what the Thursday Night Social Club incentives are."
"Right! Right right right. We here at the Thursday Night Social Club have put together some really great thingys - "
"A.C.!"
"Yes! For your pledge of support tonight, in return you will get: Some thrilling conversation!"
"That's right. Your Thursday Night Social Club pledge will get you some thoughtful, insightful, meaningful conversation with Thursday Night Social Club list members just like you."
"Ahh that's wonderful. You know, some of the most interesting things I've ever learned, I learned from Thursday Night Social Club list members."
"I know, I know. Me too. Ha ha. Oh that time we all talked about the Ninjas and the Velociraptors. Boy that was a hoot."
"Yes. Enthralling. But that's not the only thing a pledge to the Thursday Night Social Club will get you, is it A.C.?"
"Oh no. That's not nearly all. Your pledge of support to the Thursday Night Social Club - you attend the meetings - and you'll receive - every week - the TNSC Venue Announcement!"
"Sometimes funny, often stupid, always irreverent, the Thursday Night Social Club Venue Announcement will be delivered to you every week. For a mere pledge of support to the Thursday Night Social Club."
"You know Julie, I heard that every single thing reported in the Thursday Night Social Club Venue Announcement is 100% true."
"Oh, I don't know ... "
"That's what I heard and I believe it."
"Anyway, true or not, you might just find you enjoy the Thursday Night Social Club Venue Announcement and it's yours for a pledge of support."
"Hey Julie?"
"Yes, A.C.?"
"I got more Thursday Night Social Club schwag for the folks that pledge their support."
"Well by all means, cough it up! Ahora mismo!"
"What?"
"Right now!"
"Okay, well, your pledge of support to the Thursday Night Social Club will get you this exciting bonus incentive: Every week, at every meeting, you'll have the chance to buy a fellow list member a drink!"
"And what goes along with that, A.C.?"
"Duh ... Oh yeah! Along with the chance to buy a fellow list member a drink that you'll get with your pledge of support to the Thursday Night Social Club, you'll also have the opportunity to have a drink bought for you by a fellow list member!"
"That's right! With your pledge of support to the Thursday Night Social Club and their pledge of support to the Thursday Night Social Club, you can buy them a drink and they can buy you a drink!"
"Wow. That's some pretty neat stuff."
"I think so too."
"Right. So why not take the time to pledge your support to the Thursday Night Social Club. Why not tonight?"
"We'll let you get back to your normal routine now, but please help to support the Thursday Night Social Club."
"That's right. So long for now, and thank you in advance for your support of the Thursday Night Social Club."
Tonight - Stookie's Club Moderne (by request)
Mr. Lucky and the Cocktail Party will again be serenading us throughout the evening (7:30 - 10pm). There is no cover charge, but please consider a suitable offering to the artist and musicians as they pass the hat around.
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
"Hi again everybody. Julie C. here for the ... Tee ... En ... Ess See pledge-a-thon. We're hoping to get ... uh ... "
"Hi folks. It's A.C. My lovely wife and I are here for the first annual Thursday Night Social Club pledge-a-palooza. It's her first time running the show so she's a little nervous. I'm sure she'll warm up in a minute or two, but until then, let me tell you why we here at the Thursday Night Social Club need your support. The TNSC, unlike most organizations of its kind, exists only through the patronage of you, its members. There's no sponsorship. There's no financier. There is but a collection of friendly folks who like to go to bars and talk and have fun and eat really late and sometimes feel like they've been hit by a truck the next day. They don't necessarily like feeling like they've been hit by a truck, that's just a "calculated risk ..."
"He's rambling folks. It's Julie again. I feel better now. We would really love it if you would pledge your support to the Thursday Night Social Club. It's really easy and here's how: Come to the venue tonight. It's that simple. Come out and see your fellow Thursday Night Social Club members at tonight's venue."
"That's right. It's you - you the Thursday Night Social Club member that makes it all possible. You come out, you talk, you listen, you gossip ... that's the spirit of the Thursday Night Social Club. Heck. I don't know of anything better. Do you know of anything at all better Julie?"
"Nope. I sure don't A.C. I don't know of anything even remotely better than a bunch of pals getting together and having fun at a regular meeting of the Thursday Night Social Club."
"You know, the Founding Members have come up with some incentives to ... uh ... "sweeten the pot." Your pledge of support will get you some really great Thursday Night Social Club schwag. Am I right?"
"Of course you're right. The Thursday Night Social Club goodies are great! They're good and great! Ha Ha! They're goodies that are great! They're Thursday Night Social Club great goodies ..."
"Geez, dude. Pull it together! Tell them what the Thursday Night Social Club incentives are."
"Right! Right right right. We here at the Thursday Night Social Club have put together some really great thingys - "
"A.C.!"
"Yes! For your pledge of support tonight, in return you will get: Some thrilling conversation!"
"That's right. Your Thursday Night Social Club pledge will get you some thoughtful, insightful, meaningful conversation with Thursday Night Social Club list members just like you."
"Ahh that's wonderful. You know, some of the most interesting things I've ever learned, I learned from Thursday Night Social Club list members."
"I know, I know. Me too. Ha ha. Oh that time we all talked about the Ninjas and the Velociraptors. Boy that was a hoot."
"Yes. Enthralling. But that's not the only thing a pledge to the Thursday Night Social Club will get you, is it A.C.?"
"Oh no. That's not nearly all. Your pledge of support to the Thursday Night Social Club - you attend the meetings - and you'll receive - every week - the TNSC Venue Announcement!"
"Sometimes funny, often stupid, always irreverent, the Thursday Night Social Club Venue Announcement will be delivered to you every week. For a mere pledge of support to the Thursday Night Social Club."
"You know Julie, I heard that every single thing reported in the Thursday Night Social Club Venue Announcement is 100% true."
"Oh, I don't know ... "
"That's what I heard and I believe it."
"Anyway, true or not, you might just find you enjoy the Thursday Night Social Club Venue Announcement and it's yours for a pledge of support."
"Hey Julie?"
"Yes, A.C.?"
"I got more Thursday Night Social Club schwag for the folks that pledge their support."
"Well by all means, cough it up! Ahora mismo!"
"What?"
"Right now!"
"Okay, well, your pledge of support to the Thursday Night Social Club will get you this exciting bonus incentive: Every week, at every meeting, you'll have the chance to buy a fellow list member a drink!"
"And what goes along with that, A.C.?"
"Duh ... Oh yeah! Along with the chance to buy a fellow list member a drink that you'll get with your pledge of support to the Thursday Night Social Club, you'll also have the opportunity to have a drink bought for you by a fellow list member!"
"That's right! With your pledge of support to the Thursday Night Social Club and their pledge of support to the Thursday Night Social Club, you can buy them a drink and they can buy you a drink!"
"Wow. That's some pretty neat stuff."
"I think so too."
"Right. So why not take the time to pledge your support to the Thursday Night Social Club. Why not tonight?"
"We'll let you get back to your normal routine now, but please help to support the Thursday Night Social Club."
"That's right. So long for now, and thank you in advance for your support of the Thursday Night Social Club."
Tonight - Stookie's Club Moderne (by request)
Mr. Lucky and the Cocktail Party will again be serenading us throughout the evening (7:30 - 10pm). There is no cover charge, but please consider a suitable offering to the artist and musicians as they pass the hat around.
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
Thursday, February 06, 2020
Hit and run TNSC (the "original" one - REDUX)
2.1.2020 (first published this day 2003)
One day when I was but a wee-little Robot, I was riding my bike along the quiet suburban street near my home. I don't know where the hell everyone else was but I found myself alone. As is natural for a wee-little Robot, I decided to pedal as fast as I could for roughly 30 seconds and then see how I would coast. I was going really fast at first then naturally I slowed. I don't know, maybe I got a half-a-block. I slowed to a crawl - trying to get every yard, every foot, every inch - manuvering the handlebars back and forth to keep from falling over. Inevitablility eventually caught me and I stopped. I balanced on two unmoving wheels for a long moment, then fell over onto the pavement. It wasn't a hard fall and it didn't hurt. Not sure why I did it. Kinda seemed like a fine ending to a stupid experiment. At any rate, I laid there on the warm sidewalk with the hot sun shining on me and it felt nice. I closed my eyes and felt the heat on my eyelids. It was very peaceful. Until, that is, the fucking car came screeching to a halt right next to me. A frantic middle-aged dude lept out and ran over to me. I looked up at him, quizzically, squinting from the sun. He was blabbering away: "Oh Lord, son, are you okay? Were you run over? Can you move - no! Don't move! Stay still! Oh Jesus! Is anything broken?" Then he was pawing at my arms, feeling for breaks, looking for compound fractures, abrasions and whatnot. He was being such a spaz and back then - like now - I didn't like people pawing at me. I said, "Lay off, buddy. Get yr mitts offa me. Want me to call a cop?" His jaw dropped and he took a step back. "You ... you're okay? What are you doing laying on the sidewalk? You weren't run over?" I said no. I was just laying there. That was when he got angry. He started yelling at me. "You little fool! You gave me a frikkin' heart attack! I thought you were dead! What the hell are you doing? What's wrong with you?" I figured I had better start looking for a cop but the guy got back in his car and peeled outta there. Not before admonishing me a bit more for laying in a heap with a bike half in the street. "When you're really run over nobody's gonna help you, sonny!" SCREEEEECH! His last comment puzzled me. Like I did it a lot - laying in the street. Not to mention that, "Sure. Nobody will help a run-over wee-little Robot." Guy's a dork.
Tonight - Lucky 13 (by request)
** CASH ONLY ** / FREE POPCORN!!
Doug is added to the list. So is Peg. This joint is parking-friendly and located in lovelyPotrero Hill Upper Castro (Hint, hint, Lyndal.) It's pretty slick, so slick List Members are required. Also, I hurled on a raccoon here. Come on by and I'll tell the story. I may even recreate the event for ya.
See you there!
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
One day when I was but a wee-little Robot, I was riding my bike along the quiet suburban street near my home. I don't know where the hell everyone else was but I found myself alone. As is natural for a wee-little Robot, I decided to pedal as fast as I could for roughly 30 seconds and then see how I would coast. I was going really fast at first then naturally I slowed. I don't know, maybe I got a half-a-block. I slowed to a crawl - trying to get every yard, every foot, every inch - manuvering the handlebars back and forth to keep from falling over. Inevitablility eventually caught me and I stopped. I balanced on two unmoving wheels for a long moment, then fell over onto the pavement. It wasn't a hard fall and it didn't hurt. Not sure why I did it. Kinda seemed like a fine ending to a stupid experiment. At any rate, I laid there on the warm sidewalk with the hot sun shining on me and it felt nice. I closed my eyes and felt the heat on my eyelids. It was very peaceful. Until, that is, the fucking car came screeching to a halt right next to me. A frantic middle-aged dude lept out and ran over to me. I looked up at him, quizzically, squinting from the sun. He was blabbering away: "Oh Lord, son, are you okay? Were you run over? Can you move - no! Don't move! Stay still! Oh Jesus! Is anything broken?" Then he was pawing at my arms, feeling for breaks, looking for compound fractures, abrasions and whatnot. He was being such a spaz and back then - like now - I didn't like people pawing at me. I said, "Lay off, buddy. Get yr mitts offa me. Want me to call a cop?" His jaw dropped and he took a step back. "You ... you're okay? What are you doing laying on the sidewalk? You weren't run over?" I said no. I was just laying there. That was when he got angry. He started yelling at me. "You little fool! You gave me a frikkin' heart attack! I thought you were dead! What the hell are you doing? What's wrong with you?" I figured I had better start looking for a cop but the guy got back in his car and peeled outta there. Not before admonishing me a bit more for laying in a heap with a bike half in the street. "When you're really run over nobody's gonna help you, sonny!" SCREEEEECH! His last comment puzzled me. Like I did it a lot - laying in the street. Not to mention that, "Sure. Nobody will help a run-over wee-little Robot." Guy's a dork.
Tonight - Lucky 13 (by request)
** CASH ONLY ** / FREE POPCORN!!
Doug is added to the list. So is Peg. This joint is parking-friendly and located in lovely
See you there!
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
Thursday, January 30, 2020
Five Fridays, Five Paydays
1.5.2020 (first posted this week 2003)
January, May, August and October 2003. Five Fridays in each month. That kinda rules. You know why? That means you can sleep off your Thursday night an extra day! Uh ... How 'bout ... An extra day to stay home and cool it after spending yr paycheck buying your lovely fellow List Members delish drinks the night before. I don't know. Here are some things I do know:
I got a robot-grade cold going on. I went over to the doc and he poked, prodded, and did all those humiliating tests. He literally scratched his head and said, "I don't know. Could be Ebola. You crash and bleed out yet?" I told him no. He got that look of sudden inspiration, grabbed me by the shoulders, shook me and said: "Have you been drinking regularly?" I said no. Because of the cold. He slapped me across the face, several times, and shrieked, "My god! You get to the bar and have a few RIGHT NOW!" Then he let me go, regained composure and said, "That'll fix you right up. Okay now. On your bike." And he ushered me out. So, ya see, "doctor's orders."
I also know that you better go see BOB LOG III at BotH this Sunday. He's a pal of mine since we were little robots. And he's an international superstar. Everyone I know is going, so that means you. Click the links. See the Log.
Then there's Tonight: The Homestead
A nice little joint to tell funny stories you've been unwilling to share. Also, a lot of requests for this venue. Why? Don't know. But, nevertheless, see you there!
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
January, May, August and October 2003. Five Fridays in each month. That kinda rules. You know why? That means you can sleep off your Thursday night an extra day! Uh ... How 'bout ... An extra day to stay home and cool it after spending yr paycheck buying your lovely fellow List Members delish drinks the night before. I don't know. Here are some things I do know:
I got a robot-grade cold going on. I went over to the doc and he poked, prodded, and did all those humiliating tests. He literally scratched his head and said, "I don't know. Could be Ebola. You crash and bleed out yet?" I told him no. He got that look of sudden inspiration, grabbed me by the shoulders, shook me and said: "Have you been drinking regularly?" I said no. Because of the cold. He slapped me across the face, several times, and shrieked, "My god! You get to the bar and have a few RIGHT NOW!" Then he let me go, regained composure and said, "That'll fix you right up. Okay now. On your bike." And he ushered me out. So, ya see, "doctor's orders."
I also know that you better go see BOB LOG III at BotH this Sunday. He's a pal of mine since we were little robots. And he's an international superstar. Everyone I know is going, so that means you. Click the links. See the Log.
Then there's Tonight: The Homestead
A nice little joint to tell funny stories you've been unwilling to share. Also, a lot of requests for this venue. Why? Don't know. But, nevertheless, see you there!
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
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