Inevitability

10.4.2k

I got an email from some telemarketing executive or some kinda crap like that and she made me an offer I couldn't refuse. She said that her company would pay for a big event (read: free booze) once a month for a year if I would include in these TNSC emails a fair amount of advertising. Being familiar with "big events" I wanted to know some details. You know: How long is the booze free, is top-shelf liquor included (some list members enjoy Bombay Sapphire and such), which venues were available, what about snacks, etc. I've been to so-called open bars where the free booze came in plastic bottles or was limited to Zima or some crap like Sierra Nevada and I won't sit still for that. She answered these Q's pretty satisfactorily: Open bar from 6p to midnight, top shelf booze, venues anywhere in the city, and as far as snacks, she would send over that nice tamale lady. Bein' that I like them tamales, that was good enough for me. So yeah, I sold out the list. But you have to know, I did it for you. All of you. Every last lovely one of you. Listen, you may be peeved now, but when Sue Erokan is enjoying a FREE Maker's Manhattan or Amy Shuba is sipping a NO CHARGE Herradurra Margarita or Metsker DOESN'T PAY for his fill of frosty Beck's, this Founding Member thinks they'll forget about the annoying banner ads. Oh yeah, that telemark-whatsit lady needs all your home addresses, telephone numbers, email addresses, birthdates, and other such demographic info. Jot it down on a 3x5 card and bring it to the meeting tonight.

Here:

Eagle's Drift In (South of Market)
527 Bryant St, San Francisco, CA 94107
(415) 495-4527

Ya. How 'bout that? We're stayin' South of Market because it's raining and there's parking around the Drift In. It was supposed to be Founder's Day and we were going to go to Orbit but Founding Member Alan Chimenti had a date with Jon Bon Jovi hisownself down in LA and had to cancel. Guess where we're goin' next week if AC can keep his paws off Jovi? Here's the news: David is new to the list. Hi David. Don't remember if I needed to add anyone else. Oh yeah, Clova is new. Allison new address. At least one person ain't getting the email anymore.

TONIGHT'S CONTEST: Staring contest.

TONIGHT'S DRAMATIC REENACTMENT: The final performance of the Sex Pistols. Hot on the heels of a secert UK tour (They were banned all across the country), the Pistols played eight shows here in the U.S., the last being in SF at a joint called the Winterland. Animosity, disappointment and frustrations came to a head that night in January 1978. At the end of the show, Johnny Rotten said, "Ever get the feeling you've been cheated?" a now infamous remark which sparked his departure from the band the next day. Players tonight: Belinda plays Rotten; Kevin plays Sid Vicious; Dee plays guitarist Steve Jones; Paul Cook, the drummer, is portrayed by Robin; and Malcolm McLaren, the band's producer, is played by Sue.

TONIGHT'S SINGLED-OUT LIST MEMBER: Coach Bjeldanes. She is so sick and yet she has vowed to go out and drink a lot of whiskey tonight. What a trooper!

Lost and found notice: FOUND! One rollerskate key. Says "Chicago" on it. This wrench is used to adjust the truck locknut and also has a flat screwdriver end to adjust some kingpins. Found it by the "Shadow" pinball table at last week's meeting venue.

What the heck are ya doin' tonight? Why goin' t'the Thursday Night Social Club meeting, that's what! Yes ma'am and sir, throw yer best ma'ams and sirs into that SF city cab and git over to the bar. I'll see you there! bye-ee!

The el espejo.

10.3.2k

I don't know about you, but I see self-reflection as a very important part of life. I ain't talkin' about daily, meticulous examination or anything, but rather periodic check-ins. Like the other day. I was with a bunch of nice folks and we were talking about the things we used to do as kids. It got me thinking: How am I different from the kid I used to be? Not much, I guess. More responsible, probably; more confident. But generally the same person. What were you like in high school and how much of that person is still with you? Were you a punker who smoked tons of ciggys? Did you study all the time? Did you never study and still get good grades? Were you on the football team? Were you hostile, angry or violent? Were you a nerdy little office toady? Were you a person with artistic or literary interests who disregarded conventional standards of behavior? I knew plenty of guys and girls fitting this description. Some called them vagabonds. Nonconformists. The "Free-and-easys." They called themselves Bohemians. At tonight's meeting we celebrate the bohemians we know, used to know or used to be. Here:

Bohemia
1624 California St, San Francisco, CA 94109
(415) 474-6968

Kinda ironic, eh?

Eight people (JHJ, MM, BR, JM, BL, MG, MH, EH) out of 105 list members showed up last week. I guess a bunch of you got better offers. The Founding Members are re-thinking the no-one-gets-booted-off-the-list policy. Just so you know. No one new to the list this week, but Robin offers an alternate email address.

TONIGHT'S CONTEST: Spelling Bee (prizes)

TONIGHT'S DRAMATIC REENACTMENT: The Empire State Building getting hit by a plane.

Saturday, July 28, 1945. On this day, the world's tallest building, lousy weather and an old, obsolete bomber without sophisticated electronics combined with disastrous effects. The plane, a twin-engine, medium-sized U.S. Army Air Force B-25 Mitchell bomber was flying very low, about 700 feet, on a westerly approach to an airfield in Newark. Perhaps the pilot mistook the East River for the Hudson and thought he was already in New Jersey when he found himself in a forest of skyscrapers. Banking and climbing after a near-hit of the building at 5th and 42nd, the plane plowed directly into the Empire State between the 78th and 79th floors. One fortunate thing: Had the plane hit the building on a weekday, many, many more people would have been in the building. As it was, only about 1000 people (of the weekday normal of 15,000) were in it at the time. Players: John Henkel plays the Empire State Building; Allison Muir plays the B-25; Belinda plays lousy weather; Greg Gladstone plays New York; Jason Porter plays New Jersey; Bishop and (nameless) play the two office workers who survived a free-fall one-fifth of a mile from the 75th floor to the ground when their elevator's cable snapped; Moss plays a bunch of NYC firemen; and Jay Herda plays a gaping hole in the masonry between the 78th and 79th floor.

TONIGHT'S SINGLED-OUT LIST MEMBER: Miss Amy Shuba. She's ditched us for a few weeks in a row and singling her out used to work to get her to the meeting. Let's see if Mr. Usedta is still kickin.

We still need volunteers for the 8-10 shift at the voter registration booth at the back bar. Sign up and get a free drink.

Yah, okey. Do you think we can do better than 8% attendance? I don't know. This is a pretty nice little joint, mind you. A "requested venue," if you must know. Bring someone squishy and squish them at Bohemia. bye-ee!

Patience

10.2.2k

The building I work in has this huge lobby that's normally packed with some of the crappiest sculpture I've ever seen. One time there was this itty bitty "house" that was full of rotten eggs hanging from the ceiling on fishing line. That thing smelled kinda bad. There were these ET-lookin' humanoid figures: short, fat, bald, big heads. Pink. Green. Stupid. Ugly. I wonder if anyone will ever look at them and say, "That's just what my collection needs! Here's a million bucks!" I doubt it. I get a sense of relief when I walk through the lobby in the morning and the night before the "artists" had come and gathered up their "art." The floor's all polished, lookin' nice, devoid of fuzzy orange church bells or ten tricycles welded together in a heap or various barnyard animal's heads epoxyed to plastic babydolls. Don't get me wrong, folks can go ahead and make bad art for all I care, I'm just sorta growin' weary of seeing it down there all the time. Some day I hope to see some nice stuff: paintings of pretty yellow flowers, antique jukeboxes, maybe a hotdog stand. How 'bout some dude's Vespa collection? I sorta appreciate some peoples' cornball hobbies. 'Cause I haven't gotten any better suggestions, tonight's meeting is gonna be here:

Annie's Cocktail Lounge
15 Boardman Pl San Francisco, CA 94103
(415) 703-0865

I got an email from my ISP and it said that "sirius.com" would be down for maintenance today. Great. Why not Sunday midnight? Naw, Thursday all day.

Believe it or not, ain't no one new to the list. That's the first time in a long time. No, wait, there's a late addition: Emmy. First one to buy Emmy a drink wins a prize. Still nobody chucked off the list. I hope you feel guilty if you're one of the ones not attending. (Clint said he'd come tonight.)

TONIGHT'S CONTEST: (Recess theme) Jacks, hopscotch, four-square, pig pog.

TONIGHT'S DRAMATIC REENACTMENT: The Native American occupation of Alcatraz. On 20 November 1969, members of the American Indian Movement began their 19-month occupation of the former maximum security prison. This event served as a springboard for the rise of Indian activism in the 1970's. The underlying goal of the Indians on Alcatraz Island was to awaken the American public to the plight of the first Americans, to the suffering caused by the Federal Government's broken treaties and broken promises, and to the need for Indian self-determination. Players tonight: The Western CGI department play the Indians, with Guy Hudson as Alcatraz Island; John Henkel as the Bay Area; Traci as the Federal Government; Sally Carter as the inept prison guard "Bunny"; and Matt as a can of spray paint.

TONIGHT'S SINGLED-OUT LIST MEMBER: Serena Warner. Serena is singled-out for no other reason than it's her birthday. From the TNSC: "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday Ser-ee-na, happy birthday to you!" Be sure to wish her a happy birthday next time you see her.

My cat Junior was very upset this morning. I don't know why. Anyone else have trouble with kitty cats this AM?

Yeah, sure, we've been South of Market for several weeks in a row, but why not? Nice turnout last week, let's go for another. Call your friends around the country and tell them you're going to Annie's tonight. Tell them where it's at. Tell them how to get there. Vaya con queso! bye-ee!

For Neal Barrett, Jr.

10.1.2k

I was askin' Founding Member Mr. Alan Chimenti if he thought that the "cops and donuts" joke was so old it was actually over. He figures no. That sucker will be funny for many, many years to come. "Probably as long as the gum in your gumball machine is gonna last, mebbe longer," he says. I didn't exactly get his point: "Whaddya mean? You mean nobody's gonna eat all that gum, or you think that if no one eats it, it'll still be somewhat edible for a long, long time?" He mumbled something I didn't catch. "Huh?" I said, "What's that?" He mumbles something else. I'd about had it. "Don't go mumbling about the gum, A.C., I ain't gonna stand for you mumbling about the gum." He then tries to change the subject on me. "I bet your brother's glad all that gum's not in yer apartment anymore." I don't know about that. "I don't know nothin' about that, dude." I said, "Now what was it you were mumbling about a minute ago? And don't go and change the subject again. I won't sit still for that." He says, "I was wonderin' kinda out loud, you know, about how much dough you're pullin' in with that coin-op gumball machine." This surprised me. "Huh? How much money? What the heck ya mean?" "You had that sign on it a week ago, 'Quarters Only,' and that crappy drawing of a quarter. A quarter for one tiny gumball? You must be making bank." I didn't like the way this was heading. "I didn't even put that sign on it. I didn't draw that crude quarter. I would think I could draw a quarter better than that. What's more, what's more is that most of the money in that dang thing is mine. I have a mess of change right here that people can help themselves to." I pointed out the stack of change. "I just want to get rid of the frikkin' gum before it gets too stale." "Huh," he says, unimpressed. "No 'huh' about it, A.C., that's the truth there." "Okay then, if that's the way it is," he says. "Truth, man, I'm tellin' ya." I said. Then I told him that he had to wait for his email, just like everyone else, to learn the destination for tonight's meeting.

Sadie's Flying Elephant

Yeah, we went there a few weeks back, but the place is cool, the juke rocks (TWO Jesus Lizard CD's) and some very cool things happened that night. And they have Miller High Life.

Anyone new to the list? Oh yeah, there's Lisa Whall and Kelly Dragoo. Welcome. Tara coughs up an alternate email address. The "No-one-gets-booted-off-the-list" policy is still in effect.

Tonight's Contest: Pinball tournament. Quarterfinals. See John Metsker for odds if yer wagering.

Tonight's Dramatic Reenactment: The day of the highest recorded temperature in King Salmon, Alaska in July. On July 15, 1975, the town of King Salmon, Alaska enjoyed an 86 degree day. The town's denizens responded by wearing t-shirts and shorts, barbecuing and picnicking in the town's park. No one complained about the summer-like temperatures. Nobody pined for the snow and fog and wind and rain to return. These were smart customers! Playing the smart customers: Bobo plays the Mayor of King Salmon; Amy Shuba plays summer; Rob Williams plays the thermometer that displayed 86 degrees; I play a 22 1/2" red Weber kettle grill; Heavy plays a frisbee; Mary Haring plays corn-on-the-cob; Jerry Castro and Jim Rose play drinking beer and staying out late; a bunch of list members who never come to the meetings play snow and fog and wind and rain, which were not there and NOT missed!

Tonight's Singled-Out List Member: Jeremy Johnson. My brother gets singled-out because it's his last TNSC meeting. He's high-tailing it outta town. Come and say "bye-ee."

The little bugs and assorted bacteria have built up a pretty solid resistance to the hand sanitizing gel we've been using. But ... Uriah and I have figured out that if you augment the stuff with gasoline and linseed oil all you gotta do is ignite it and them buggies are fried crispy. Resist that!

Get yer butts to the airborne pachyderm and help drink the beer. We get free popcorn if we finish the Miller. Bring yer friends, dang it. See you there. bye-ee!