For Neal Barrett, Jr.

10.1.2k

I was askin' Founding Member Mr. Alan Chimenti if he thought that the "cops and donuts" joke was so old it was actually over. He figures no. That sucker will be funny for many, many years to come. "Probably as long as the gum in your gumball machine is gonna last, mebbe longer," he says. I didn't exactly get his point: "Whaddya mean? You mean nobody's gonna eat all that gum, or you think that if no one eats it, it'll still be somewhat edible for a long, long time?" He mumbled something I didn't catch. "Huh?" I said, "What's that?" He mumbles something else. I'd about had it. "Don't go mumbling about the gum, A.C., I ain't gonna stand for you mumbling about the gum." He then tries to change the subject on me. "I bet your brother's glad all that gum's not in yer apartment anymore." I don't know about that. "I don't know nothin' about that, dude." I said, "Now what was it you were mumbling about a minute ago? And don't go and change the subject again. I won't sit still for that." He says, "I was wonderin' kinda out loud, you know, about how much dough you're pullin' in with that coin-op gumball machine." This surprised me. "Huh? How much money? What the heck ya mean?" "You had that sign on it a week ago, 'Quarters Only,' and that crappy drawing of a quarter. A quarter for one tiny gumball? You must be making bank." I didn't like the way this was heading. "I didn't even put that sign on it. I didn't draw that crude quarter. I would think I could draw a quarter better than that. What's more, what's more is that most of the money in that dang thing is mine. I have a mess of change right here that people can help themselves to." I pointed out the stack of change. "I just want to get rid of the frikkin' gum before it gets too stale." "Huh," he says, unimpressed. "No 'huh' about it, A.C., that's the truth there." "Okay then, if that's the way it is," he says. "Truth, man, I'm tellin' ya." I said. Then I told him that he had to wait for his email, just like everyone else, to learn the destination for tonight's meeting.

Sadie's Flying Elephant

Yeah, we went there a few weeks back, but the place is cool, the juke rocks (TWO Jesus Lizard CD's) and some very cool things happened that night. And they have Miller High Life.

Anyone new to the list? Oh yeah, there's Lisa Whall and Kelly Dragoo. Welcome. Tara coughs up an alternate email address. The "No-one-gets-booted-off-the-list" policy is still in effect.

Tonight's Contest: Pinball tournament. Quarterfinals. See John Metsker for odds if yer wagering.

Tonight's Dramatic Reenactment: The day of the highest recorded temperature in King Salmon, Alaska in July. On July 15, 1975, the town of King Salmon, Alaska enjoyed an 86 degree day. The town's denizens responded by wearing t-shirts and shorts, barbecuing and picnicking in the town's park. No one complained about the summer-like temperatures. Nobody pined for the snow and fog and wind and rain to return. These were smart customers! Playing the smart customers: Bobo plays the Mayor of King Salmon; Amy Shuba plays summer; Rob Williams plays the thermometer that displayed 86 degrees; I play a 22 1/2" red Weber kettle grill; Heavy plays a frisbee; Mary Haring plays corn-on-the-cob; Jerry Castro and Jim Rose play drinking beer and staying out late; a bunch of list members who never come to the meetings play snow and fog and wind and rain, which were not there and NOT missed!

Tonight's Singled-Out List Member: Jeremy Johnson. My brother gets singled-out because it's his last TNSC meeting. He's high-tailing it outta town. Come and say "bye-ee."

The little bugs and assorted bacteria have built up a pretty solid resistance to the hand sanitizing gel we've been using. But ... Uriah and I have figured out that if you augment the stuff with gasoline and linseed oil all you gotta do is ignite it and them buggies are fried crispy. Resist that!

Get yer butts to the airborne pachyderm and help drink the beer. We get free popcorn if we finish the Miller. Bring yer friends, dang it. See you there. bye-ee!