Guess What?

3.5.2k1

I was walkin' through the lobby at work the other day and there was someone walkin' behind me. They were making some jingley noises. I figured it had to be either Santa or a dog. I'll never know because I didn't turn around to look. I've been doing that sort of thing recently: Leaving things a mystery. Like the other day I turned off the TV with five minutes to go in the third period when the Sharks and Kings were tied at two goals each. Who won? Don't know. I threw out a "to go" container without looking in it. What was it? Delicious curry fried rice or moldy penne? That's an unknown too. I did the old Drawing 101 trick: Blind sketching. Here one draws or sketches a subject without looking down at the paper. So I didn't look down at the paper while I was sketching my cat and, well, I didn't look at the finished product. I finished and then wadded up the paper and chucked it. All I know it coulda been a masterpiece.

I figure this is a good way to add some random intrigue or excitement into one's life. Not saying that my life is devoid of intrigue or excitement ... far from it! I'm just a little sick of the Information Age. Everything at one's fingertips. A search engine away from the knowing the phase of the moon, if that sniper movie's any good, how to de-vein shrimp, why shampoo farmers hate bunnys, etc. Screw that. I'd rather figure it out myself or not know.

Oh, and about them bunnys ... it's a good thing we got experts on the list. Now I know why shampoo farmers hate bunnys.

Tonight: Lucky 13
2140 Market St. San Francisco, CA 94114
(415) 487-1313


The Robot might have messed up some folks' addresses and such last week and Robot's sorta sorry. Reprogrammed now, Robot will get it right sometime soon. Mark new to the list. Check out the new TNSC Rant Section. Chit-chat with other list members and enjoy the ad banners. Find link below.

Send your non-public comments to: tnsc@therein-lies.com


TONIGHT'S CONTEST: Longtime list member Sue Erokan challenges the entire TNSC to a Bellydance marathon. "Till you drop!" she says. Miss Erokan does bring a distinct advantage: She and her dance toupe bellydance every Thursday night at 8:45 at Kanzaman in the Haight.

TONIGHT'S DRAMATIC REENACTMENT: (3rd installment in TNSC's salute to the silver screen.) The fistfight scene from They Live (Universal, 1988). Earth's population is being taken over by creepy skull faced ... aliens (?) and they're clever enough to transmit some force-field that disguises their appearance to the unsuspecting humans. Fortunately, some scientist has devised sunglasses that filter the transmissions, exposing the beasties for what they are. Our hero, played by Rowdy Roddy Piper, tries to get another good-guy, Kieth David, to put on the glasses and see the light (so to speak). But when Kieth David doesn't want to put on the glasses, what ensues is the longest, wackiest fistfight ever filmed. Our players: Kathleen plays Nada (Piper's character); Lamey plays Frank (David's character); and Jay Herda plays the glasses.

TONIGHT'S SINGLED-OUT LIST MEMBER: Jerry Castro. Keywords: Birthday, wallet.



(If you've got other plans tonight ... cancel them! Get over to Lucky 13 and hoist one with your TNSC pals. I know I will. See you there! bye-ee!

There is no rule number six.

3.4.2k1

Hands up. Who thinks that "Corporate Identities" and "Mission Statements" and the like are a bunch of junk? Boy I sure do. bla bla bla Just the other day I seen a bottle of shampoo that had this logo on it that pissed me off. First of all, the product was called "Nature's Blessed Wonder Organ Shampoo" or some shit like that. (Organ shampoo? Come on! I know your skin is an organ - but your hair? Isn't hair just cells? What kinda crack is this place smokin? Organ shampoo. Please.) The manufacturer of the product was like "Lucious Nature Farm and Beauty Health Happy Family Product Company." That made me want to puke, to tell you the truth. Then this naturefarm company is down Fresno way. God. I shoulda known. Fresno. I said to myself, "no wonder." Anyway, th'thing that pissed me off was the logo. It was this cute little bunny with a big ol' "X" through it. Like the no somking logo: A ciggy with a circle around it and an "X" through it. "What the?" I thought. "No bunny?" Why would they be sayin' that? No bunny? Jeez. That seems a strange thing to be puttin' your corporate foot down about. You would think "equal opportunity," or "no dope in this here office," or "we recycle" would be likely choices. I began to wonder why these folks X-ed out the bunny and the word "farm" in their company name hopped right out: I bet these shampoo farmers have some trouble with bunnies in their carrot patch. Y---ep!

Tonight: Bloom's Saloon.
1318 18th St, San Francisco, CA 94107
(415) 861-9467

New to the list: Calvin. Returning to the list: Jimi. One longtime list member was not happy with the "nacho crap" in last week's Venue Announcement. She might prefer a shameless plug of her dance troupe that performs every Thursday night at 8:45 at Kanzaman. Said longtime list member will remain unnamed in this VA.

Comments: tnsc@therein-lies.com


TONIGHT'S CONTEST: Musical Chairs (for Cameron)

TONIGHT'S DRAMATIC REENACTMENT: The van wreck in Strange Brew (MGM, 1983) (2nd installment in TNSC's salute to the silver screen.) Our heroes Bob and Doug MacKenzie's van's brakes were sabotaged! Out of control with no way to stop the van flew right off the pier into the bay. When they didn't surface, they were feared drowned. However, when rescue divers located the van in the water, the resourceful MacKenzie brothers were alive and well, breathing the air from the dozens of empty beer bottles that littered the van! Our players: Spaz as Bob and (nameless) as Doug (They're from Canada, eh?) Bercestey, Bishop, Bobo and Brett are the rescue divers. Alan said we could use his van and Moss will buy the beer.

TONIGHT'S SINGLED-OUT LIST MEMBER: Bobo. It was his birthday last week but I had to single out Clova or she'd kill me.

Who thinks that shrink shoulda told Tony? I do.

Bloom's Saloon. Up Potrero hill. We'll get some pies from the Goat Hill brought over. You comin' out? You bringin' yer pals? I know I will. See you there!

bye-ee!

Full Circle

3.3.2k1

Seen a bunch of fire extinguishers lined up on the loading dock out back of work. Nobody around. I guess someone lost 'em. My how that would suck if a fella lost his entire collection of fire extinguishers. I have a pal who collects Thermoses (What the hell is the plural of Thermos? Thermoses? Doesn't look right.) He would be pretty bent outta shape if he lost his entire collection. It's really impressive, my pal's Thermos collection. I never knew that there were so many different kinds of Thermoses. (That's how I'm gonna spell the plural of Thermos. Don't care if it's right or wrong. Gotta make a decision and stick to it.) There are bigguns that'll hold a whole pot of coffee. There's wide-mouth ones that are great for soup. I wouldn't be surprised if there were ones you could make some delicious cheesy nachos in. I really really like nachos. I made 'em for dinner the other night. At long last I have found some chips that don't sog too badly - even in the micro-zapper. That there is the key to good nachos: crispy chips. You got crispy chips and cheese that ain't melted ... that sucks. You got bubblygooeystringy cheese and sog-city chips ... yer screwin' yerself there too. I've been wrestling with nacho-cooking techniques for damn near thirty years and I finally got it. Or at least got it the other night. Crispy chips and the perfect gloppy sticky everywhere cheese. For good measure I threw the taco meat I made last week on top, sprinkled on some chopped serranos, covered and let them nachos fend for themselves in a 350 degree oven for 12 big minutes. I should oughta had some friends over to share: Made a lot. Couldn't finish. Dang they were good. I wish I coulda saved some and brought 'em to work, but nachos don't got legs. They don't travel well. You gotta eat 'em right out of the oven or forget it. Now that I think about it ... the Thermos company would score a coup if they could build a nacho Thermos. Imagine that. On a roadtrip, you could have a coffee Thermos and a nacho Thermos. At the ballgame, nachos (and not those crappy ones with not-hot peppers and questionable "cheese" they sell along with hotdogs). We'll see. Maybe some day.

Tonight: Repeat after Miss Uriah Lovelycolors: "I will go to De Luxe."

The news: Last week, a little bit after I published "Pucker Up!" I pulled the plug on sirius.com. Yeah, the timing was a bit strange, but they were bumming me out. They should have billed themselves as an ISSP: Internet Shitty-Service Provider. Yah, so, I registered this here little domain, therein-lies.com, and TNSC will live here from now on. I can do fancy little internet thingys from here. Like make a mail box: tnsc@therein-lies.com (not to be confused with linkey_loo@therein-lies.com (more on that later)). Stay tuned for more. With all that BS said, there's, uh, no one new to the list.

TONIGHT'S CONTEST: Jumprope contest. (For Coach)

TONIGHT'S DRAMATIC REENACTMENT: (For the next few weeks, the TNSC TDR will be focusing on scenes from select gems of the silver screen.) The climactic scene from Day of the Triffids (Security Pictures, Inc. 1962): A meteorite storm somehow produces two nasty effects: It blinds everyone who looks at it and also unleashes the Triffids upon the now-helpless population. Triffids - killer plants that scuttled about the land killing folks. The climax of the movie takes place in a lighthouse on the coast where a small band of sighted people make a heroic last stand against the seemingly invincible Triffids! Matt, Matt, Matt, Moss, (nameless) and Mark play the remains of the human population; Abby, Al, Alan, Ali, Allison, Amanda and Anna play the wiley Triffids.

Whatever plans you've made tonight, cancel them. Instead, get over to Club De Luxe and get chummy with yer List Member pals. Oh, and bring your friends ... I know I will. See you there!

bye-ee!

Ghost in the Machine

3.1.2k1

Let me directly address a growing controversy. It is something whispered about over tall martinis. Something alluded to while waiting for the Guinness to settle. Something hinted at while smoking cigarettes in the vestibule. Something suggested on the cab ride home. It's something that's not quite out of control, but it's also something that shows no signs of slowing. It is something not unlike the start of a scandal. What could this impropriety be, you might ask? What is the obliquity in question? Why, the taint seems to be the TNSC Venue Selection Process, actually: It has been conjectured that the Process has been manipulated to serve the personal needs of a certain Founding Member.

One might wonder just why some list members are vilifying the TNSC VSP. This Founding Member was indeed ashamed to learn of such accusations. The vernerable Process has had a long run of venue selections that "fulfill well the needs of the List Members who actually show up."1 The TNSC Charter itself calls for the Process to be "fair, magnanimous, unselfish, utilitarian, practical and impartial."2 It also stipulates that it must be "public, consensual and informal."3 Such requirements produced the primary tool of the TNSC Venue Selection Process: The TNSC Venue Determinator.

Spawned by some math geeks at the University of Bisbee, the TNSC Venue Determinator is a surprisingly simple equation. This assertation made in light of the complicated problem it solves weekly. It is unfortunate, however, that it is impossible to publish the equation in this forum as it is a sensitive trade secret. What is of public knowlege, though, is a list of partially declassified variables that have been factored into the equation for the last 6 months:

1. Proximity to [CLASSIFIED]'s place of work;

2. Proximity to [CLASSIFIED]'s residence;

3. National Oceanic & Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) predicted atmospheric conditions for 38 degrees north latitude, 122 degrees west longitude on the Thursday evening in question;

4. Proximity to [CLASSIFIED]'s girlfriend's residence;

5. Proximity to BART, CalTran and Muni stations.

So you see, there's ... ahem ... nothing fishy about the TNSC Venue Selection Process. No one ... er ... nothing at all. Shoot. Don't take this Founding Member's word for it, see for yourself. Follow this link to the Thursday Night Social Club Venue Selection Process Graphical User Interface and put the Determinator through its paces. Marvel at the unequivocal randomness that serves all list members, not merely one Founding Member. LINK


Bibliography

1. Pidd, Stuart. I Was Born In Tennessee: The Myth and Reality of the Thursday Night Social Club. Bisbee: University of Bisbee Press, 1999, 67.

2. Chimenti, Johnson, Metsker and Smith. The El Gran Charter de Thursday Night Social Club. San Francisco: Tennessee This Thursday Press, 1998, 36.

3. Chimenti, et al, 109.