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everybody's got vices and I figure I got my share and perhaps a few others'. (I do know how to express plurals and possessives with use (or desuetude) of apostrophes, goddemmit.) I drink and swear a lot. Enough for a couple fellas for sure. I don't pick fights much or hit women much, but I blow good cash on comic books, expensive cheese and bad pr0n. Sometimes I don't bathe for days and sometimes I leave the catbox far too long unattended.

My little wife is pretty saintly in comparison. She's clean, kempt and courteous. She's not a teetotaler, mind you. She prefers "quality" over "quantity." She has got a bad problem, though, bordering on a vice: She's powerful fond of tabloids.

She doesn't go for the "World Weekly News" or the "Sun" or the "Inquirer," no, she prefers her tabloid glossy, staple-bound and high-brow. She goes for "Us" and "People."

I've had a chance to paw through one or two of these rags while, uh, "immobilized," and jesus I don't get it. Who cares what those mopes (celebrities) are up to? JLo's shopping at a gun store. Wow. Jen's back on the meth. Oh my. Tom and that slut ate their baby. Big shit. Page after page of who's who in Hollywood, rock, hiphop or whatever. Got me thinking: "Us?" "People?" If I were the publisher and I was in touch with a little thing some call REALITY, I'd notice my tabloid magazines were inappropriately named. "People" would be better named as "Rich & Famous People Candidly Photographed In Santa Monica By Our Paparazzi And Whose Activity Was Speculated Upon By Our Staff Of Writers." It's a mouthful, but it's more accurate. My wife's other fave, "Us," is really poorly named. Us? Brad Pitt, that whore and me? Us? No way. They ain't us. Renamed: "Them."

Tonight - It's the last Thursday of the month. That means The Homestead. 19th and Folsom, SF.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference! Winner gets a prize.


bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!