Portia
9.1.2k7

It came time to get some new furniture, I guess because of a cross between the cat having destroyed the couch and chair and my wife having it up to here with the TV stand being a wire Metro Rack™ on casters. We started by looking at catalogs. I liked an item but my wife hated it. We repeated this three-four times and I gave up. She continued to look at every catalog she could find. Didn't like anything. She looked online and didn't find anything. She went to showrooms, sometimes dragging me along, but couldn't find anything.

She was about to give up, and I suggested she take a break from her hunt and go camping with me. She agreed and we went. Our destination was up the coast to Big Sur, California. One stop along the way was San Simeon, home to the decadent Hearst Castle. If you don't know of it, it's newspaper tycoon Wm. Randolph Hearst's giant "fuck you" to poverty, taste, discretion, restraint and humility. It's an unbelievable fortress of plundered artifacts from Old Europe, the Middle East, the Far East and the former Spanish Empire. I had seen "Citizen Kane" and immediately recognized the Hearst Castle as Xanadu from that picture. Crazy. I hated the entire joint except for the gardens and the indoor pool. I did notice a gleam in my wife's eye that tells me she has an idea.

I was right. Before I knew it, my wife had researched the area church closings, attended the auctions and bought pews, tables, benches, wall coverings, stained-glass windows and such. She started buying items from synagog and mosques, too. And hell, I'm as secular as they get, but the collection she modestly assembled, seemed to work well. The cats liked them too.

Soon enough, though, the "new" furniture killed our social life, especially the myriad parties we throw. You see, unbeknown to us, most of our friends are Satanists, and one look at the religious icons and ceremonial furniture sent them packing, never to return. Bummer.

Tonight - Edinburgh Castle.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!


bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!