3.4.2kX
That little monkey on my shoulder wears a fez. He wears a fez and says, "oooh oooh!"
I always answer that with, "Oh yeh, huh, little monkey-man?"
Monkey says, "oh oooh oooh, ee-ee!" Then he turns up his favorite music: Anything by Digital Underground.
I like Humpty, you ladies know him, oh how he likes to funk thee. And all you rappers in the Top Ten, please allow him to bump thee. He's like my monkey, he's really spunky and he really likes his oatmeal lumpy. But more about my monkey: You can meet him in person TONIGHT!
Tonight - The Homestead.
See you there... with my monkey.
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
ED-Gar! BASE-Ball!
3.3.2kX
Solo Baseball Story #1
The year is 1979. The Capital Electric Bears is having baseball practice and a young TNSC Robot is called upon to play the catcher position. TNSC Robot at any age wasn't into playing catcher and on that hot, dusty day in '79 tried to impart that fact onto his coach but his coach wasn't hearing any of it. So I threw on the mask, grabbed the mitt and squatted. Coach, sporting his brand-new CASIO digital watch (which he demoed the alarm AND the stopwatch modes to the team only moments earlier) took the umpire's position behind me.
The first batter, our best player, hit every pitch he got. Which was good for me, as I shut my eyes tight every time he swung the bat. The second batter ended my stint at playing catcher, but not they way you might think. He fouled the first pitch off. It went straight back and, not closing my eyes this first time, stuck out a hand to catch it. It went over my outstretched mitt and whizzed straight at my unprotected coaches face! Defensively, he raised up his hands and, you guessed it, deflected the foul with his brand-new CASIO digital watch. It died, but it died messy. It's CASIO-tones went haywire, emitting a constant bee-dee-dee-deedlee zap zap garble garble beep deep beep zzzap ... my god it was funny. It's LCD was shattered and bled black gunk all over. Coach took what must have been an immediate $300 or $400 loss (it was 1979, mind you) in stride. He removed the watch, placed it on home plate, took the bat out of the batter's hands and smashed the CASIO into oblivion.
I played the outfield after that.
Then I drew green mustaches and beards on everyone.
Tonight - Bacchus Kirk.
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
Solo Baseball Story #1
The year is 1979. The Capital Electric Bears is having baseball practice and a young TNSC Robot is called upon to play the catcher position. TNSC Robot at any age wasn't into playing catcher and on that hot, dusty day in '79 tried to impart that fact onto his coach but his coach wasn't hearing any of it. So I threw on the mask, grabbed the mitt and squatted. Coach, sporting his brand-new CASIO digital watch (which he demoed the alarm AND the stopwatch modes to the team only moments earlier) took the umpire's position behind me.
The first batter, our best player, hit every pitch he got. Which was good for me, as I shut my eyes tight every time he swung the bat. The second batter ended my stint at playing catcher, but not they way you might think. He fouled the first pitch off. It went straight back and, not closing my eyes this first time, stuck out a hand to catch it. It went over my outstretched mitt and whizzed straight at my unprotected coaches face! Defensively, he raised up his hands and, you guessed it, deflected the foul with his brand-new CASIO digital watch. It died, but it died messy. It's CASIO-tones went haywire, emitting a constant bee-dee-dee-deedlee zap zap garble garble beep deep beep zzzap ... my god it was funny. It's LCD was shattered and bled black gunk all over. Coach took what must have been an immediate $300 or $400 loss (it was 1979, mind you) in stride. He removed the watch, placed it on home plate, took the bat out of the batter's hands and smashed the CASIO into oblivion.
I played the outfield after that.
Then I drew green mustaches and beards on everyone.
Tonight - Bacchus Kirk.
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Grab bag!
3.2.2kX
Well yeh, the drying-up of the idea spring that was not-living-in-LA-unmarried-no-kid has had terrible effect on these Venue Announcement rants and for that I'm rather ashamed. Not much fun in "I say hi to a giant tree when I bike past it every morning, woo!" which, sadly, is sometimes the extent of my excitement for the day (Ez and little wife antics and interactions NOTWITHSTANDING but who wants to hear all about them all the time?).
If you said, yes to the above question, I'll start the Grab bag! with a fun story about the playground. Sometimes we go to this swell playground that is decked out with climbing things, swings, bouncy things, grass, picnic tables and--thanks LA!--great weather. The only problem is the fuckin' jerk parents who supervise their mostly-cute kids. The adults come from the near-upper-crust or wanna-be-upper-crust and predictably act like they own the place. I saw one mom with I swear to god $100k-worth of diamond jewelry on her wrist, fingers, ear lobes and neck. Diamonds galore at a frikkin' playground. Srsly. What does she wear to Ralph's? Fur? Asshole.
Then, last Sunday, there was guy. Ez was running around and snagged a mini-soccer ball. Christi said, "No, Ez, that's not your ball," and guy said, "That's OURS!" He said it with attitude. I was immediately annoyed, so of course, every time I looked around, there was guy. At one point a different fella was trying to get a kite shaped like a dragon aloft. He was having a time with it, partly because people like Ez tracked the thing down when crashed and wouldn't let go. (Ez has quite an iron grip.) So guy says, loudly, "I gotta help this guy get it up," yuk yuk, and he goes over and assists. It's effective, but as he walks past the kite-pilot, replies to "thanks," with "I'll charge you later." I said, loud enough, "He probably will." Ha.
Thrilled speechless by that? Hey, I said I gotta dig deep for thrills and making a snide comment to a fuckin' jerk (It's OUR ball!) registers as a cheap thrill. Wanna hear about the roma tomatoes I planted? Nah.
I will tell you a fun one from this morning, though! I drove Jailbreak the Jeep to work so I could drop it next door for a good washin' (Ez cheezed the back seat but good a couple weeks back and I needed some help decheesing.) So I'm approaching the four-way stop where I turned left to the car wash and approaching the opposite, oncoming stop was a taxi van. I could see that the guy inside had a gypsy-like shrine in the front seat with shit hanging from the ceiling, magazines, newspapers and coffee cups all over the dash, something on the rear-view -- a real collection. And I can tell you I've been in enough cabs like that to know that these veteran cabbies, these Lifers that live in their taxis PUSH OTHER DRIVERS AROUND.
Knowing this the instant of seeing him, and noting that he and I were going to get to the intersection at exactly the same time, I knew that he would not yield to my signaled turn. Sure enough, he hit the gas as I started to make my turn and kept coming, surely expecting me to yield, which I did not! Ha! He blared his horn and gave me a look like I'd just fucked his cat so I looked him right in the eye and said, "FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOUUUUUUU!" in a way that if he could not hear me, he positively knew what I said. Then I laughed. Fukn pushy cabbie. ha!
Tonight - Bloom's Saloon.
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
Well yeh, the drying-up of the idea spring that was not-living-in-LA-unmarried-no-kid has had terrible effect on these Venue Announcement rants and for that I'm rather ashamed. Not much fun in "I say hi to a giant tree when I bike past it every morning, woo!" which, sadly, is sometimes the extent of my excitement for the day (Ez and little wife antics and interactions NOTWITHSTANDING but who wants to hear all about them all the time?).
If you said, yes to the above question, I'll start the Grab bag! with a fun story about the playground. Sometimes we go to this swell playground that is decked out with climbing things, swings, bouncy things, grass, picnic tables and--thanks LA!--great weather. The only problem is the fuckin' jerk parents who supervise their mostly-cute kids. The adults come from the near-upper-crust or wanna-be-upper-crust and predictably act like they own the place. I saw one mom with I swear to god $100k-worth of diamond jewelry on her wrist, fingers, ear lobes and neck. Diamonds galore at a frikkin' playground. Srsly. What does she wear to Ralph's? Fur? Asshole.
Then, last Sunday, there was guy. Ez was running around and snagged a mini-soccer ball. Christi said, "No, Ez, that's not your ball," and guy said, "That's OURS!" He said it with attitude. I was immediately annoyed, so of course, every time I looked around, there was guy. At one point a different fella was trying to get a kite shaped like a dragon aloft. He was having a time with it, partly because people like Ez tracked the thing down when crashed and wouldn't let go. (Ez has quite an iron grip.) So guy says, loudly, "I gotta help this guy get it up," yuk yuk, and he goes over and assists. It's effective, but as he walks past the kite-pilot, replies to "thanks," with "I'll charge you later." I said, loud enough, "He probably will." Ha.
Thrilled speechless by that? Hey, I said I gotta dig deep for thrills and making a snide comment to a fuckin' jerk (It's OUR ball!) registers as a cheap thrill. Wanna hear about the roma tomatoes I planted? Nah.
I will tell you a fun one from this morning, though! I drove Jailbreak the Jeep to work so I could drop it next door for a good washin' (Ez cheezed the back seat but good a couple weeks back and I needed some help decheesing.) So I'm approaching the four-way stop where I turned left to the car wash and approaching the opposite, oncoming stop was a taxi van. I could see that the guy inside had a gypsy-like shrine in the front seat with shit hanging from the ceiling, magazines, newspapers and coffee cups all over the dash, something on the rear-view -- a real collection. And I can tell you I've been in enough cabs like that to know that these veteran cabbies, these Lifers that live in their taxis PUSH OTHER DRIVERS AROUND.
Knowing this the instant of seeing him, and noting that he and I were going to get to the intersection at exactly the same time, I knew that he would not yield to my signaled turn. Sure enough, he hit the gas as I started to make my turn and kept coming, surely expecting me to yield, which I did not! Ha! He blared his horn and gave me a look like I'd just fucked his cat so I looked him right in the eye and said, "FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOUUUUUUU!" in a way that if he could not hear me, he positively knew what I said. Then I laughed. Fukn pushy cabbie. ha!
Tonight - Bloom's Saloon.
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
Thursday, March 04, 2010
Mr. Peabody
3.1.2kX
I got tanks on the mind. I saw a MythBusters™ rerun the other day and they had a couple tanks pull apart a couple phonebooks with their pages interlaced. (Sounds like a no-brainer, but them phonebooks only came apart after the tanks put over 8000 pounds of force to the issue.) I saw a bunch of tanks at an air museum (go figure) when I was in the Pac Nor'West last summer. They're quite formidable.
I heard a story on the radio that had some expert commenting and they identified her as "Bla bla from bla bla, a Washington "think tank." I wonder if anyone from a "think tank" has ever wound up in the "drunk tank." Or in a "dunk tank" for that matter. Or from one, to another then the other. "Fred, from the think-tank, punched a guy at the dunk tank and ended up spending the night in the drunk tank. Woo what fun!
All this talk of tanks makes me miss 20 Tanks.
Tonight - Lucky 13.
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
I got tanks on the mind. I saw a MythBusters™ rerun the other day and they had a couple tanks pull apart a couple phonebooks with their pages interlaced. (Sounds like a no-brainer, but them phonebooks only came apart after the tanks put over 8000 pounds of force to the issue.) I saw a bunch of tanks at an air museum (go figure) when I was in the Pac Nor'West last summer. They're quite formidable.
I heard a story on the radio that had some expert commenting and they identified her as "Bla bla from bla bla, a Washington "think tank." I wonder if anyone from a "think tank" has ever wound up in the "drunk tank." Or in a "dunk tank" for that matter. Or from one, to another then the other. "Fred, from the think-tank, punched a guy at the dunk tank and ended up spending the night in the drunk tank. Woo what fun!
All this talk of tanks makes me miss 20 Tanks.
Tonight - Lucky 13.
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
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