Screwy. Patooey!

9.2.2kX

I was in my back yard staring at the eastbound LAX air traffic at dusk a few weeks back and the rats tightrope-walking the telephone wires caught my eye. They were crossing the street behind me on the skyway ... I'd seen Old Man squirrel doing such many times, but I've never witnessed such similar dexterity in rats. Well, at least they're just passin' through, I thought.

Then, more recently, I was in my back yard staring at the little Cessna making touch-and-gos at the Santa Monica airport when I saw the little rats tightrope-walking the telephone wire to my roof! Fok! I had the garden hose handy and I cranked it on and pulled the trigger - doh! - the nozzle was set to MIST!! (Ez was playing w/ it earlier). I turfed my chance at blasting the fucker off the wire. They were on my roof. It was only a matter of time.

Yep. I went to the garage for beer (beer fridge is in the garage) and Old Man Rat scurried across the floor. Enough of this, I thought, and scored two big rat traps and a jar of Super Chunk™ JIF®. After lacerating my thumb trying to load one of the traps, I baited it and left it in the garage.

Morning came and I had killed Old Man Rat, whom I'd taken to call Ratatouille (not because of the movie, though). He looked as though he was praying at the alter: the snapper caught him right in the neck. His eyes were open; his ears up. But, curiously, his bait was gone. The very sensitive trigger was cleaned of sticky peanut butter. This meant one thing: Mrs. Ratatouille! The bitch calmly ate the bait off the freshly-sprung trap w/ her husband dead on it. Cold, cold rat bitch.

So I fucking killed her the next night. I baited TWO traps and set them out in case Old Man Ratatouille was three-wayin' rat bitches in my garage. Unlike Ratatouille, Mrs. Ratatouille did not go well. The snapper caught her in the face and crushed it. She probably flopped around some because the trap was upside down and some rat blood spotted the floor. Fuck it. Serves her right for eating on her old man's deathtrap. With him on it.

Tonight - Burrrrr-lesque show at Club Deluxe.

Miss Low-retta is done with vacatio , and is sadly heading back to Nashville. Come on out and see here off in Deee-luxe style. Show starts at 10pm. $5 cover.


bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!