I'm all lost.

2.3.2kXII

Among the no-hope causes I'm for, including fairness, the Chicago Cubs and world peace, I got a thing for honesty. I've said for many years that the only thing I hate more than a thief is a liar. Both have shit on honesty.

I bring this up because I had a reminder of just how crappy people are recently. A neighbor of mine has a gigantic orange tree in her yard. Her back yard. But it's along the fence facing the street, so a good half of the orange-producing part of it hangs over into her side, street-facing yard.

The neighborhood we live in seems to have been built before sidewalks were fashionable, so many street sides don't have sidewalks parallel to them; my neighbor's side yard is one of these stretches. So do the math: pedestrians trudge through her hard and, lo! Spy a juicy orange on a tree branch extending out over the fence. Many passers-by - you guessed it - help themselves.

Is it okay to pull over on a country road and snag a bushel of corn from a cornfield? Is it proper to pull a fish from someone's decorative pond, take it home and fry it up? Can you gather a bouquet of roses from someone's carefully manicured rose garden because they're within reach? Fuck no.

So one day last week I saw some fuckwit pulling down several oranges and went outside. I feed peanuts to the crows in my neighborhood and as I stepped out of the door, I noticed that there were three or four crows waiting for me, as they often do. So I ducked back in and grabbed a handful of peanuts, went back out, went through the back gate and stood in our driveway, tossing peanuts to the crows, who dove and fought each other for them.

The crows make a helluva racket during this peanut-frenzy and it caught the attention of the orange thief, who looked over and saw me looking right at her.

I said, "do you like my crows?"
She said, "they're your crows?"
"As much as those are your oranges, lady," I replied.

She sheepishly looked away, dropped the oranges and walked away.

I told my neighbor and she howled.

Tonight - By special request: Lucky 13.

Great beer, good pool, free popcorn. Winning!!


bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!