Tom Poston

3.4.2kXII

Yah dere's a new iPhone game goin' around that's a ripoff of that great game, "Pictionary." We had some fun times with that one, didn't we Stimpy? I had a personal rule (that evolved from a different Jeopardy!®-related rule) that if I had no idea how to draw the word I ... uh ... drew (from the deck of cards, yo!) ... I'd draw a cock-and-balls. It's really just a squiggle and my partner would get it every time, points awarded or not.

So anyway, it seems the rule kept evolving.

Just the other day, we grabbed the Jenga™ and Yahtzee™ games from the top shelf in the closet. They were archived there until when Ez was old enough to play them. (They're back up, as Ez still isn't old enough to play them.) Also up in the archive: Cranium™!! And not just any Cranium™, this was the bright and shiny Cranium™ Primo Editio packaged in a metal box! Woo!

I cracked the lid off and marveled at the great game I used to play. If ya never played it, it was a fun mash-up of charades, Pictionary™, word puzzles, karaoke (sorta) and my favorite, Pictionary™ with CLAY. Yep, you drew a word and had to model it in clay.

So as I gazed at the sleeping box of hilarious fun, I noticed something: The nifty metal cans of Cranium™ Clay were ... rusting. The box and its lid were fine. None of the other game pieces were wet ... how were the little cans rusting?

I cracked one open and the plot thickened. The clay that was once purple was now mostly black and from it was growing blue and white downy crystals. It was really fuckin' odd. And somehow, the crystals and the changes the clay was undergoing was rusting the cans. Whoa.

So I googled Cranium™, found that Hasbro™ has since acquired it and chatted customer support. When I explained the crystals the rep said, "Oh my goodness!" (I think I said, "Holy fuck!" when I first saw them. Then she confirmed my address, plopped some new clay in the mail and sent me a shipping label for the gross clay: They wanted it back!

I retrieved it from the garbage and put it in a Ziplock™ bag. It was foul. But it was then that I noticed what I mentioned earlier in this post: My rule kept evolving. For I found that one of the clay pieces was nicely modeled into a cock and balls. A clay cock and balls for the future opener of the game. Classic.

Tonight - The Homestead. (you know the drill)

Hopefully we'll see some wayward ex-Ra folks out (except for Gatzert, of course).


bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!

Tolerant Culver City

3.4.2kXII

There are many times I wish I still lived in SF. One reason, the TNSC met every week. Two, walking everywhere yielded a lot of great (dumb) Venue Announcement rants. Here in LA, although I do a lot of walking, it's residential walking and doesn't teem with things thrilling enough to write about. So I'm stuck writing about my kid. And sometimes, I find some fucking asshole to write about.

Like today! I'm driving Ez back from the park, and I come to a stop sign. I stop. There are two fucking cunts (I'd find this out in a minute) out on a dog walk on one corner, one with their back to the intersection, and the other talking to her. I see them and judge they're not crossing. Wrong! As I start to go, the one with her back to me steps out in front of me. I stop, and when she gives me a dirty look, I pop the horn at her. She starts to talk and I cut her off:

"You need to take a better approach at not getting run over, lady. Do it for your dog's sake if you don't care about yourself."

"I looked!"

"You spun around and started going! Are you trying to get hit? If I wasn't paying a lot of attention, you would have just been hit."

"No, I was looking at my dog."

"How is that making sure cars are stopping?"

"God bless you. Have a good day," she concluded.

"Spare me. Be more careful," I said. Then I checked to see if I was clear to proceed through the stop sign and cunt #2 was flipping me off. She had a knit hat, scarf, mittens and jogging suit on. She looked like one of the Sand People from Star Wars.

"No thanks, freakshow," I said, "and mind your own business, Creepy."

Tonight - The House of Shields.


bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!

Pinch Hit

3.3.2kXII

That's what's going on today, and it's a swing at the first pitch!

Tonight - The Royal Cuckoo. Just like being in a living room circa 1975!!

bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!

A cautionary tale

3.2.2kXII

It's gameday in the Cactus League. You rise, brush, check supplies: Coozie, tickets, singles, wallet, cap, sunnys, uni. Go!

Meet up at a big, dumb, signage-covered watering hole that squeezes a junk food-servin' kitchen in the back. Order bloodys, beers, coffees and some chow.

Ticket count! We got extras.

Chow arrives: Ordered: "Sliders 4-pak" Served: Four full-sized cheeseburgers. Note: This would be good at midnight w/ a full belly-o-grog.

Notice: A grrrrl who's looking like she slept in her clothes sports some keen Puma sneaks that Horse Boy picks up on. He tells her he likes her shoes.

We finish up and head out. As the ball park is just a block or two away, HB says to Puma grrrrrl: Want our extras? She says yeah. She sits with us at the game, natch, they're our tix. She is or is not a stripper.

Stripper or not, she's fun and says she'll buy us drinks after the game, so we go meet her maybe-stripper pals and their shrink at the most expensive bar in town.

We bail, go to an inexpensive bar in town. Livin' the dream!

Tonight - Lone Palm (oddly poetic w/ this post, dontcha think?!?)


Congratulatio s to Traci & Chris on your new additio !!! (and I don't mean your home remodel)

bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!

POST/EDIT/DELETE

3.1.2kXII

Our boy grew out of his toddler bed. Sure, he still fit in it, but as he doesn't really stay in his bed all night (read: He gets in bed w/ us), it goes unused quite a bit. This wouldn't be too bad, as he's a great snuggler, but he's getting quite big, and our bed isn't enormous. My little wife and I had a solution.

My good 'ol full-size bed frame and mattress were shrink-wrapped out in the garage. We got it out, unwrapped and cleaned it up, and put it in his room. I took his little toddler bed apart and shoved it under his new bed, in case big bed didn't work out. It did.

So after the probationary period, I was green-lit to get rid of the toddler bed and mattress. Craigslist, here I come!

I posted this: Toddler bed frame and mattress for sale. $200.
I received this reply: I don't want the mattress. Can I buy the bed frame only?
I replied: Yes. It's $200.

SOLD

So I had a mattress. Salv Army didn't want it. Goodwill couldn't take it. Sister Mary Elephant's Orphanage For The Hideously Afflicted By The Loving Touch Of The Heavenly Father said that used mattresses were too skeezy for her charges.

Whatever. I get that used children's mattresses can be skeezy. They get pissed on, for crying out loud. But this one is a Sealy® Baby Posturpedic™. It's RUBBERIZED, moisture-proof and can be cleaned with sanitizing cleansers! Blasted with the garden hose! Bleached! Craigslist, here I come again.

As I'd already technically sold the thing (in the bed frame sale), I wasn't interested in double-dipping. I just wanted to get this to someone who needed it.

I posted this: Sealy® Baby Posturpedic™ For sale. $6.50
I received this reply: I want to buy the mattress for my son. Is it $6.50?
I replied: Yes. It's $6.50.

The gal came over to pick it up. I figured she was going to say, "what's with the odd price, bub?" But she didn't. She gave me six ones, two quarters and said, "I'm buying this for my boy. He sleeps on a mat now."

My novelty price got the mattress to the right person. I gave the $6.50 to Ez. He spent it on booze and smokes and donated them to the Homeless Shelter.

Tonight - Doc's Clock.


bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!