The Underhill's bill

6.4.2013


The LA Unified School District graduates its students in June, then scoops'm back up for the next school year in mid-August.  SHEESH that's a shorty summer break - way shorter than the May metriculation, June-July-August and some of September that I experienced while in public school (not in the LAUSD, though.)  Anyway, Ez's and my Thursday ice skating routine (his lessons and my gabbing with our pal Bruce), which is often just the three of us and one ice control stooge was last week inundated with school kids now needing stuff to do during the day.

Also occurring last week, of course, was the wrapping-up of the NHL season, with the Stanley Cup Finals underway, my beloved Chicago Blackhawks needing a few more wins to eliminate the last of the contenders.  And since the Hawks eliminated the LA Kings, there were a few folks still not too happy with the continuing success of the Mighty Blackhawks.

One such little shit (who is a very good skater) skated up to Bruce and said:

I asked Bruce who the fuck is this guy and he said he's in his daughter's class.  I asked why he was dressed like a waiter and Bruce said he graduated earlier in that morning.

After the little shit continued to fuck with Bruce I suggested that he countered the really clever "Chicago Sux" with lunch orders.  Bruce thought that was a good idea and undid the kid's next "Chicago Sux" with:  "I'll have a club sandwich, fries and an iced tea."  Then the next one with:  "Buffalo wings extra hot and a Miller High Life®."  It was funny to see the kid's confusion.

 It will be funny to ask him if Chicago still "sux" if we see him today:

Whoops!  That was supposed to be THIS:

Tonight - The Homestead (last Thurs of the month!)


bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!

Ludwig Van

6.3.2013


The other day the wheels came off.  LITERALLY.

Ez had plenty of protection - gloves, knee pads, elbow pads, shoes and a helmet - so I took the training wheels off his bike.  It almost didn't happen, however, but a very kind act by a very nice guy saved the day.

Ez and I wheeled over to the school parking lot.  He on his training wheels and me on the clown bike (20" wheels).  I brought along a socket wrench to remove the trainers and did so while he donned his pads.  As we were about to start, we heard a voice:

"Sorry guys, you can't bike here."  A guy with a orange vest, an ID on a lanyard and a walkie was approaching.

I said, "Really?"

"I'm afraid so," he said, "we had a bike get hit by a car recently so bikes are now forbidden.  It's an insurance thing.  I just had to run off some skate boarders and rollerbladers, too."

I said, "Can't we go waaaay over there into the corner where there isn't anybody?"

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Dang," I said, "what a world we live in.  Can't walk to school, can't bike in the school parking lot ..."

"I know," he said, "I'm sorry."

I told Ez to hang on a sec because I had to reattach his training wheels so we could leave.

"Wait," he said, "is this what I think it is?  Is today THE DAY?"

I said yes.

He didn't even hesitate.  "Okay, I haven't seen you yet.  If you go waaaaay over there into the corner where there isn't anybody and stay right around there, I won't see you because I don't look over there."

I said, "Super!  Thanks!  We don't see you either!  C'mon, Ez!"

And this is the result:

Tonight - Virgil's Sea Room.  brand new!! (formerly Nap's)
You can read more about it here.
Experience it before everyone else does.


bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!

Tech Noir

6.2.2013

Since I mostly work at home and therefore don't commute by bike or any other method, I recently started going on 10-or-so mile bike rides.  There's a bike path along a riverbed or creek bed near us and one can ride continuously for many miles.  It's great not to have to battle traffic, and the fish butt-stench isn't too overpowering.

I rode east along the path the other day and instead of riding back along the same route, I took a city streets-route back home.  Since I've been riding on city streets for most of my adult life, I'm careful to avoid situations where I might get hit.  I also "mostly" obey traffic rules and regulations and keep my actions predictable for motorists.  That said, some folks just have to be dicks.  Here's an example.

Traffic was very light in the area I was in and I needed to turn left at an intersection that's sometimes busy but not now.  What was happening now was that traffic was light enough to have really large gaps between groups of cars.  I did an "empty streets" thing and cut across the street before my left turn, hop up on the vacant sidewalk and ride on the sidewalk.  My plan was to cut across the oncoming lanes and merge across to the far right.

Ahead of me in the oncoming lanes I could see a few cars at least a half mile away, so I knew I had time.  Glancing over my right shoulder, a half-dozen or so cars were about to pass me, so I waited until most of them were past me and started my move across the oncoming lanes.  Nothin' to it.

The last car that passed me had his window down and addressed me in this whiny-asssed voice:

He really hung on the "thaaaaat."

I couldn't help but go into Terminator mode to respond to him:

I just saw The Terminator for the zillionth time so that memorable scene in the hotel room is fresh in my mind.  As a rule, I don't swear at drivers and usually don't talk to them at all (they are unpredictable and antagonistic!) but this time I did reply.  My selection is noted above with the non-blinking cursor.

Tonight - Club Deluxe.

Don't forget there's a $5 cover and that gets you Little Minsky's Vaudeville - Burlesque Review!  A paltry sum for good fun! 


bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!

Muscle and Pain

6.1.2013

In 1996 I moved to San Francisco from Chicago.  I brought with me some cats, some comics, some CDs and various other things.  I had the bulk of the stuff shipped by a moving company and I guess I chose a lousy one because my stuff didn't show up for nearly two months after it was picked up.  But that's another story.

I had to get phone service.  I hooked up with the local phone company.  Same with gas, power, trash and the other utilities - I needed to hook up with the local utility companies.  No shit, huh?

What I didn't need to do was hook up with a local baseball team.  Or a local football team.  No thanks, I had those covered.  They came with me.  Over and over again I heard, "yr in SF now, ya gotta be a Niners fan.  Ya gotta like the Giants now."  Uh, what?  Why?  Who the fuck says I gotta like the local teams? 

If that sounds familiar to you, I'm not surprised.  I've heard the thing since moving down here to LA.  "Yr Dodger blue, now!"  Fuuuuuuck no I'm not.  Go ahead and flipflop to yr new town's teams if you want, but don't expect me to.  I can't figure out why anyone would, frankly.

I brought this up because I posted the picture below to my Facebook whatever.  One of my FB pals said, "Don't you live there now?"  Yes, and so what? 

Tonight - Iron & Gold


bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!