Eric Draven

10.5.2013

Here's a quote from a very famous story by Edgar Allen Poe:

No doubt I now grew very pale; --but I talked more fluently, and with a heightened voice. Yet the sound increased --and what could I do? It was a low, dull, quick sound --much such a sound as a watch makes when enveloped in cotton. I gasped for breath --and yet the officers heard it not. I talked more quickly --more vehemently; but the noise steadily increased. I arose and argued about trifles, in a high key and with violent gesticulations; but the noise steadily increased.  

Just in time for Halloween, right?  RIGHT?

It's not just the Spooky Season that got me thinking of this story.  I got a steadily increasing noise of my own that's been driving me mad since last night.

Click.

C-click.

Click click.

"You hear that," I asked my Little Wife.

"No," she said.  But I heard it.  I heard it over the din of Dark Wave.  I heard it clicking away through Top Chef.  I couldn't take it any longer and I buried the thing in the fridge.  I hoped it would be sound-proof enough.

This morning I took the thing from the fridge.  Soon enough, my dread was realized:  "Click.  C-Click.  Click."

Oh how the sound of it cut into my soul.  I must rid myself of this!  I must rid myself of the Mexican Jumping Bean!  Look.  LISTEN TO IT!!

Tonight - Homestead.


bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!

Boo! Hisssss!

10.4.2013

Last week I harvested my Habañero plant, chopped up the peppers, cooked them down and once cooled, blended the be-jesus out of them with some white vinegar and a bit of salt.

Then I sterilized two half-pint jars in my pressure cooker.  I usually sterilize in boiling water, but since steam is hotter than boiling water, why not use the pressure cooker?  Once sterilized, I ladeled in the death sauce, lidded, banded and then chucked them back in the pressure cooker.  Dang but that fearsome device is fun!

I was fully in the pressure cooker (PC) swing, so I re-hydrated some dried pinto beans, grilled some meat, opened some cans and sauteed some onions and garlic.  I chopped up the grilled beast and chucked ALL the stuff back into the PC.  I've never made chili in a PC, but I was feelin' it.

Guess what?  The chili was great!

Guess what else?  The habañero sauce is REALLY REALLY HOT.  A frikkin' DROP of the stuff is hot enough to make ya cry.  So I think I'm gonna unseal the half-pints, sterilize some test tubes and distribute smaller portions to beloved friends of robot.

Thrills!

Tonight - Tosca!


bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!

Blast from the Past

Breaking News!

10.3.2k2

Shocking the entire TNSC community, the Founding Members today announced the appointment of two longtime List Members to the lofty status of Honorary Founding Members. Mr. Moss Gross and Mr. Mathias Genser sped through the appointment and confirmation processes and endured a formal but brief inauguration ceremony this afternoon at the TNSC's temporary headquarters near the Jon D. Fiore Room at the Tinhorn Bar in San Francisco's UN Plaza (the actual location of the TNSC's temporary headquarters is classified). (See photo spread at end of article.)

A press release by the Founding Members, read by outgoing TNSC Press Secretary/Master of Ceremonies Mr. Todd Lindo, declared Mr. Gross and Mr. Genser worthy of their appointments for being "especially diligent in attendance, utterly presentable in appearance, exceptional in generosity ... and excelling ... in promotion of the TNSC Spirit."

When asked for an explanation of "the TNSC Sprit" at the subsequent press conference, Founding Member Alan J. Chimenti stated, "That's a typo. It should have said 'TNSC Spit.'" Further explanation did not seem to be necessary, as the reporter from the Radium Glow retook her seat.

Mr. Gross is an ex-Navy SEAL, whose military exploits include infiltrating Iraq's fabled Republican Guard, singlehandedly tricking a battalion of the little devils into turning themselves over to the Coalition forces at Basra. He has a no-nonsense approach to closing car doors, buying drinks for other List Members and tweaking the nonsensical entertainment engines dreamed up by TNSC Robot and programmed by the geeks at the University of Bisbee. He joined the TNSC in 1997.

Mr. Genser boasts an impressive list of friends he wouldn't dare bring to a TNSC meeting, in addition to a well-managed and very stylish silver goatee. A World Record-holding skin diver, Mr. Genser legally changed his middle name to Abalone in 1977. He is known for selflessly giving people rides home after TNSC meetings, even if those he's driving are scattered all over the Bay Area. Mr. Genser has been a member since Spring 2000 and currently leads all List Members in consecutive meetings attended.


Here's a couple pics.



Misters Gross and Genser arrive at their Honorary Founding Member swearing-in ceremony, accompanied by TNSC Founding Member Mr. Alan J. Chimenti and Longtime List Member Mr. Cedrick Jonnae. Not Pictured is driver/Founding Member Mr. John Metsker. Photo D. Ingle UofB Bee



TNSC MC/Outgoing Press Secretary Mr. Todd Lindo administers the Club's secret rite, The Oath of Melissa, to Mr. Gross at precisely 13:37 PST, 17 October 2002. Attending the ceremony, from left: Old Crone, Mrs. David Hindley, Mr. Ceddrick Jonnae, Mr. Carl Kaphan, Founding Member TNSC Robot, Mr. Mark Bobek, Mr. Bob Roesler, Founding Member Mr. Alan J. Chimenti, Honorary Founding Member Mr. Mathias Genser, Honorary Founding Member Mr. Moss Gross, Porn Title of the Week Coordinator Miss Tama Blough, (Unidentified person), Mrs. Alan J. Chimenti, TNSC MC/Outgoing Press Secretary Mr. Todd Lindo, Founding Member Miss Susan Dynamite, Founding Member Mr. John Metsker and Longtime List Member Mr. Jason Porter. TNSC Patron, Mr. John Astin's likeness hangs in the background. (Some Members not to scale.) Photo D. Ingle UofB Bee



Tonight:  House of Shields  (because it rules)




bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!

Munchkin

10.2.2013

Some time back a guy came forward and said that years ago he and some chums got dressed-up in a home made costume and took some pictures.  They also made some fakey footprints in the forest and there ya have it!  The Bigfoot Legend was born!  While the general public was thrilled and terrified for years, scientists everywhere scoffed.

Another some time ago, some blokes went public with details about how they built a couple humps, a long neck-looking-thing and sailed it around a lake in Scotland.  Several people witnessed it and got photos.  Bingo!  The Loch Ness Monster Legend was born!  While the general public was thrilled and terrified for years, scientists everywhere scoffed.

A while back some scientists were classifying dinosaur fossils and named one species Brontosaurus.  It being such a gigantic beast helped it become one of the most widely recognized dinosaurs in all the land.  While the general public was thrilled for years, some scientists scoffed.

Since its discovery nearly one hundred years ago, Pluto was considered the 9th planet in our solar system.  Every school child in America and the rest of the world had the question on a test at least once in their scholastic careers:  What's the Ninth Planet in our Solar System? The general public generally loved the little planet.  A while back some scientists scoffed.

And while it sucks to be true, the scoffing scientists were right:

Bigfoot was a fake.
The Loch Ness Monster was a fake.
Brontosaurus was a misidentified Apatosaurus.
Pluto is a "Dwarf Planet."

Ya gotta have science on yr side, even if it fucks over yr once-favorite things.


Tonight - 500 Club


bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!

Stink lines

10.1.2013

Ez had a private swim lesson Saturday morning.  It was the last of the season, but the first of the day.  Getting the first private lesson of the day means you're not waiting for the private lesson before you to finish, especially if it's running long.  Because Ez's lesson was the last of the season, we told him we'd take him out to breakfast afterward.  We went to Norm's.

Norm's touts itself as a "Southern California Original."  I don't know.  It's basically a Denny's, IHOP, Bob's Big Boy or any other family feedbag-style eatery.  There's nothing different but for the Norm's sign, which is kinda neat.

As we guzzled hot coffee and ice water, Ez waffled between ordering -ahem- waffles, pancakes and French toast, eventually deciding on the latter.  I asked my Little Wife if she wanted to split a Denver omelet.  She said, "Whoa.  We aren't even on the same page.  I'm thinking CHICKEN FRIED STEAK."  I love her.  It came with eggs and toast.

I didn't want a heaping mountain of food, but I wanted crispy hash browns, some shredded swine flesh and some eggs.  I chose the 2-egg, 2-bacon, 2-pancake route with a side of hash browns, cooked extra extra crispy. 

The waiter, Joey, took Ez's and my Little Wife's order but was having none of mine.  "You will be paying more than you need to for that, señor," he said, flipping the menu pages.  He stopped on the first page - Mega Breakfast.  "If you order "The Lumberjack," you will get what you want and pay less than what you came up with."  I didn't argue.  I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK.

So the food came and Ez inhaled his French toast.  Little Wife dutifully covered the CFS with Tabasco® sauce and started her assault.  I beheld "The Lumberjack."

3 eggs
3 sausage links
3 bacon rashers
3 pancakes
1 slab hash browns

It was monstrous.  It was beautiful.  I'd NEVER finish it.  Or so I thought.

We ate and Ez was the only person to finish his breakfast.  We put the rest in two boxes.  We took home so much, in fact, that we stretched the original $30 dine-out breakfast into several more meals.  Check it:

Sunday morning Ez ate two of my pancakes and 2 of my sausage links.  A little later, I put one of my eggs and the rest of Little Wife's (even though she didn't want to take it) into a tortilla with some beans and taco meat and ate it while the Bears stunk up Detroit Rock City.
 
That's two more breakfasts.

Monday morning, Ez ate the last pancake and sausage link.  That's another breakfast.

Monday afternoon, I nuked the remaining carcass - er - Chicken Fried Steak and ate it for lunch.  So far that's 5 breakfasts and 1 lunch.

While the CFS was heating up, I took the two untouched slices of sourdough toast and made a turkey, salami and cheddar sandwich.  That, chips (or fruit cup) and a drink are ANOTHER LUNCH.  (I wrapped it up and stashed it in the fridge for Little Wife's lunch Tuesday.)

So for 30 bucks, we got 5 breakfasts and 2 lunches.  I didn't set out to stretch the Norm's breakfast that far, but it happened. 



Tonight - Persian Aub Zam Zam

Bruno is long gone, but you can still enjoy his legendary establishment.  Cash only.

 

bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!