Do you understand?

11.1.2013

I remember when old-fashioned metal garbage cans - the kinds with lids - were the only kind of garbage cans around.  That meant on garbage day, one garbage man drove the truck and one or two other garbage men clung to the back, stepping off at the next house to empty the cans into the gaping ass-end of the truck.  It made for a slow, loud and stinky process.

I remember when those cans were phased-out in favor of big, heavy-duty plastic bins with hinged lids that the truck would grip with a claw and fling it over its "shoulder," emptying the contents into the gaping hole in the top of the truck.  This technology drastically reduced the need for multiple garbage man teams, obviously.  And in some places, neighbors share big bins, while others, like in my neighborhood, each household has medium-sized bins.

You're likely familiar with all of this, if you pay attention or, y'know, take out the trash.  You might be like me and have three different bins.  One green one for organic debris (grass clippings and fuckin' lettuce and shit from the kitchen), one blue one for recycling and one black one for "trash and not recyclables or grass clippings or lettuce and shit from the kitchen."

I have a mostly dead yard, and the guys who cut the dead grass don't get a lot of yard debris.  So the green one is mostly empty when the trash guys come.  I recycle almost everything:  paperboard, cardboard, glass, plastic, rubber, metal, aluminum, homework, junk mail, etc., etc.  Rounding out the bins, the black one gets ... kitty litter.  Kitty litter and chicken bones.  Seriously.  That's about it.  Damn-near everything goes in the blue bin.  Even if I'm not sure that wire hangers are recyclable, I let the guys at the recycling plant sort that shit out (if the army of dumpster divers don't get it first).

On a recent trek through the neighborhood, I noticed one house had slim bins.  Probably not even half the size of the ones I have.  Sure enough, the bill for city services arrived that day.  Solid Waste Disposal, as it's called, is expensive.  I had an idea for saving some dough:  If I got the slimmer bins like my neighbor had, could I save some dough?  I would keep my blue, but ask for slim black and slim green.  Here's how the phone call to the trash guys went:

"I'm looking to save some dough.  Can I trade-in my big black and big green bins and get the slim ones?  I don't come close to filling the big ones I have," I said.

"You can get a bigger bin," trash guy said.

"But I want a slimmer bin," I said, "Can I save money if I use a smaller bin?  I don't fill the one I have."

"You can save money," trash guy said, "if you upgrade your bin to a big bin, then trade it back in."

"Is the big bin more expensive?" I said.

"Yes."

"So to save money, I need to upgrade to a bigger, more expensive bin, trade that back in, get the old one like I have now, and stop paying for the upgrade."

"Yes."

"That's saving money."

"Yes."

"Thanks," I said, "I'll just keep the bins I have."


Tonight - Special TNSC guests from near and far will be gathering at:

Royal Tug Yacht Club  (formerly Yong San Lounge)    
 (Hey!!  I used to live 2 doors down from this joint!! )




bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!