7.5.2014
I'm about a month in to my new job and it includes a four mile commute with a couple turns in it to beautiful Culver City, CA. The job's going okay and the commute is no biggy, but just as it's a strange feeling going back to full-time work after three years, it's a strange feeling hopping in the car and trekking a few blocks twice a day.
I know that a four mile commute is virtually NO commute in this city and damn-near all other cities in the USA and I crack myself up complaining about it. Like, "Goddamn ... the residential streets on my commute were crawling this morning! It took FIFTEEN minutes to get here!!" Or, "Shit, I missed the last half of the NPR story because I got to work so fast."
Even though it's a short ride, I encounter a lot of fucking idiot drivers, as you might expect. Some are speeding, others are going too slow, most are texting and NONE of them use their turn signals. I endured the hundredth fuckwit turning without signalling the other day and had a great idea. If you read that cool cyberpunk novel "Snowcrash," you might remember that there was a messenger that instead of riding a bike, he used a skate board and harpooned cars with a magnet and cable and hitched rides on passing cars. If the driver drove like a jerk, he'd sling-shot himself alongside the car and slap a sticker on it that said something snarky, like "Smooth Move, ExLax" or something. This spawned my idea: Make up stickers or better yet, cards to stick in people's windows kinda like those detailing outfits that do such things. The cards would say, "Since you're not using them, want to sell your turn signals? Audi turn signal assemblies fetch great prices on eBay." Swap Audi for BMW, Jetta or whatever. Maybe put a "call this number" on the card and have the phone number linked to a recorded message like "where'd you learn to NOT signal your turns, asshole?"
I have a lot of fun thinking about it.
I'm doin' the Monkey Boy.
Tonight - The Homestead.
(old traditions with good friends)
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Thursday, July 24, 2014
Zoom.Zip.Redux.
7.4.2014
There's stealin' at work, then there's stealin'.
One of my team came to me and said someone snagged the iPod he left at his desk overnight. "What's more," he said, "it was hidden behind some books on the shelf, INSIDE a small box with some shit on top of it." He then added, "whoever snagged it had to look for it." My first thought was, "that fucker. I hate thieves." Second was, "you dumbass. Don't bring anything to work you'd be painfully and unwillingly parted from."
A day later I got some email that said "someone stole my PSP ... watch out!" It went on to explain that it happened in the time between when he went home the previous night and when he got to work in the am. The wee electronic device was secreted away at their workspace and the thief clearly had to search for it. As that had just happened to one of my guys, I thought about it for a second. The perpetrator had ACCESS and TIME. Access to be in the "secure" place he was in and to look as though he belonged there; and time to look around. The only people that had access and time at that time of night and early morning, sadly, are the custodial crew and the security guards. I didn't really care for this conclusion, because people in those roles are often hard, honest workers without a lot of options ... underdogs. Being a Chicago Cubs fan, I'm a natural supporter of underdogs.
The company's administrators sacked the custodial crew and the security guards. Then replaced them.
Then, as I said before, there's stealin'.
I worked at a joint in Chicago where we did a gawdawful lot of McDonald's commercials. Mostly effects-heavy "Ronald" spots and such. We had a ton of clients up in one of our sound suites supervising the audio mix for Happy Meal spots and they had brought along several full-color, full-sized prototypes of the new Happy Meal boxes. This "comp packaging," as it's called, is one-of-a-kind, unique, professionally constructed and therefore very, very expensive. Trouble is, it looks like a goddamned Happy Meal box. So, naturally when the asshole clients fucked off for the night, and left behind their comp packaging, the cleaning crew did their jobs and chucked out the empty Happy Meal boxes. The clients returned in the am. Heads rolled in the pm. Sad.
So there's stealin' at work, and then there's stealin'. Result's the same.
Tonight - Smokestack (@ Magnolia Brewery)
Special request by birthday-boy Jay Herda.
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
There's stealin' at work, then there's stealin'.
One of my team came to me and said someone snagged the iPod he left at his desk overnight. "What's more," he said, "it was hidden behind some books on the shelf, INSIDE a small box with some shit on top of it." He then added, "whoever snagged it had to look for it." My first thought was, "that fucker. I hate thieves." Second was, "you dumbass. Don't bring anything to work you'd be painfully and unwillingly parted from."
A day later I got some email that said "someone stole my PSP ... watch out!" It went on to explain that it happened in the time between when he went home the previous night and when he got to work in the am. The wee electronic device was secreted away at their workspace and the thief clearly had to search for it. As that had just happened to one of my guys, I thought about it for a second. The perpetrator had ACCESS and TIME. Access to be in the "secure" place he was in and to look as though he belonged there; and time to look around. The only people that had access and time at that time of night and early morning, sadly, are the custodial crew and the security guards. I didn't really care for this conclusion, because people in those roles are often hard, honest workers without a lot of options ... underdogs. Being a Chicago Cubs fan, I'm a natural supporter of underdogs.
The company's administrators sacked the custodial crew and the security guards. Then replaced them.
Then, as I said before, there's stealin'.
I worked at a joint in Chicago where we did a gawdawful lot of McDonald's commercials. Mostly effects-heavy "Ronald" spots and such. We had a ton of clients up in one of our sound suites supervising the audio mix for Happy Meal spots and they had brought along several full-color, full-sized prototypes of the new Happy Meal boxes. This "comp packaging," as it's called, is one-of-a-kind, unique, professionally constructed and therefore very, very expensive. Trouble is, it looks like a goddamned Happy Meal box. So, naturally when the asshole clients fucked off for the night, and left behind their comp packaging, the cleaning crew did their jobs and chucked out the empty Happy Meal boxes. The clients returned in the am. Heads rolled in the pm. Sad.
So there's stealin' at work, and then there's stealin'. Result's the same.
Tonight - Smokestack (@ Magnolia Brewery)
Special request by birthday-boy Jay Herda.
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Trickey Dickey Screwdriver
7.2.2014
I trust you've heard of Madame Tussauds. It's a wax museum in London that has a bunch of outposts or whatever all over the world. My robot family and I had a recent trip to the Capitol of our country and there's a Madame Tussauds there. I only know that because our somewhat-corny bus trips about the city (we got a 48 hour pass) not only passed the joint, but had a bonus ticket for admittance to it attached to the two-day bus fare. We went to it.
Young Ez robot didn't take long to warm up to what he thought were fellow automatons, but once he discovered they were only wax dummies, he went along with the gag. Here he is with one of our Founding Fathers, John Adams:
Tonight - Doc's Clock
Come pass the time with your pals.
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
I trust you've heard of Madame Tussauds. It's a wax museum in London that has a bunch of outposts or whatever all over the world. My robot family and I had a recent trip to the Capitol of our country and there's a Madame Tussauds there. I only know that because our somewhat-corny bus trips about the city (we got a 48 hour pass) not only passed the joint, but had a bonus ticket for admittance to it attached to the two-day bus fare. We went to it.
Young Ez robot didn't take long to warm up to what he thought were fellow automatons, but once he discovered they were only wax dummies, he went along with the gag. Here he is with one of our Founding Fathers, John Adams:
Notice the garb of the different eras are almost the same!
Moments later, he helped the Gallant South surrender to the uncouth candle-like Northern Aggressors. Ez noted how stoic R.E. Lee was in his moment of capitulation and asked aloud what USG's poison was. "Booze," croaked Grant, and puked molten wax into the hearth.
Soon thereafter, we happened upon another interactive display, and a waxy J. Edgar Hoover grilled the wee robot relentlessly, but to no avail, as the wee robot couldn't be cracked!
We exited the museum a bit later, but the feeling stayed with me. All around me were people standing still and admiring this Memorial or that Monument, this Gemini capsule or that Cold War Titan II missile. I dare say it took me the rest of the day to shake those wax dummies.
Seriously, the fuckers were everywhere.
Tonight - Doc's Clock
Come pass the time with your pals.
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
Thursday, July 03, 2014
Hans to toss the wadder.
7.1.2014
aka (10 years gone)
What would be more awesome than winnin' the frikkin' lotto?
Is it possible to cook w/ an electric stove?
How many times should I turn this screw?
Why didn't I feel anything?
Will that cat ever shut up?
Doesn't it look nice in Chicago today?
Do I really need that thing?
Where do I buy me some ribs?
Can I get a ride to the bar?
Why did I ever smoke these lousy ciggys?
Is it three o'clock yet?
Tonight - The Homestead (yes... again... )
(What does it mean? I don't know. But have a great 4th nonetheless)
aka (10 years gone)
What would be more awesome than winnin' the frikkin' lotto?
Is it possible to cook w/ an electric stove?
How many times should I turn this screw?
Why didn't I feel anything?
Will that cat ever shut up?
Doesn't it look nice in Chicago today?
Do I really need that thing?
Where do I buy me some ribs?
Can I get a ride to the bar?
Why did I ever smoke these lousy ciggys?
Is it three o'clock yet?
Tonight - The Homestead (yes... again... )
(What does it mean? I don't know. But have a great 4th nonetheless)
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