The Heart of Screenland

7.5.2014

I'm about a month in to my new job and it includes a four mile commute with a couple turns in it to beautiful Culver City, CA.  The job's going okay and the commute is no biggy, but just as it's a strange feeling going back to full-time work after three years, it's a strange feeling hopping in the car and trekking a few blocks twice a day.

I know that a four mile commute is virtually NO commute in this city and damn-near all other cities in the USA and I crack myself up complaining about it.  Like, "Goddamn ... the residential streets on my commute were crawling this morning!  It took FIFTEEN minutes to get here!!"  Or, "Shit, I missed the last half of the NPR story because I got to work so fast."

Even though it's a short ride, I encounter a lot of fucking idiot drivers, as you might expect.  Some are speeding, others are going too slow, most are texting and NONE of them use their turn signals.  I endured the hundredth fuckwit turning without signalling the other day and had a great idea.  If you read that cool cyberpunk novel "Snowcrash," you might remember that there was a messenger that instead of riding a bike, he used a skate board  and harpooned cars with a magnet and cable and hitched rides on passing cars.  If the driver drove like a jerk, he'd sling-shot himself alongside the car and slap a sticker on it that said something snarky, like "Smooth Move, ExLax" or something.  This spawned my idea: Make up stickers or better yet, cards to stick in people's windows kinda like those detailing outfits that do such things.  The cards would say, "Since you're not using them, want to sell your turn signals?  Audi turn signal assemblies fetch great prices on eBay." Swap Audi for BMW, Jetta or whatever.  Maybe put a "call this number" on the card and have the phone number linked to a recorded message like "where'd you learn to NOT signal your turns, asshole?"

I have a lot of fun thinking about it.

I'm doin' the Monkey Boy.

Tonight - The Homestead.
(old traditions with good friends)


bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!