Weiner Circle of Hell

5.4.2015

Last night was Ez's last 5-pitch baseball game of the season.  Would you believe it - the Rockhounds went 0-0-20.  The weird part is that all the other teams - the River Bandits, the Storm, the Muckdogs, the Tree Squirrels, the Pond Scum, the Swamp Gas, the Corner Bars and the Bark Beetles - all tied all their games too!  That hasn't happened since LAST SEASON.

By the way, "5-pitch" baseball isn't really what it sounds like.  It's more like, "about five pitches, more or less, extras if the coach can't pitch, extras if the kid has never played T-ball (which should be a prerequisite, seeing how some of these kids swing), and extras if the kid can hit, but just isn't for whatever reason (read:  trying to hit a dinger).

Anyway, the League maintains a snack bar and I had discovered a few weeks ago that they knew how to make hot dogs (burn 'em and toast or steam the bun) and the fries were crispy and good.  So going into last night's game, I knew that dinner was going to be a dog.

About the 16th inning (the game was deadlocked, 55 all) I decided to quiet my roaring stomach and go get dinner.  I ordered three dogs, one with ketchup only (YUK but Ez likes it), two with only mustard and onions and fries, extra crispy, please.

Order 19 was called out at the pickup window.  My number.  I snagged it, snagged some napkins and looked down in horror at my order:

... there is ketchup on the two with mustard and onions.  I took the above picture and threw the whole tray to the seagulls.


Tonight - The Homestead   Bring your pals!!!



bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!

Ho Ho Ho (and rake)

5.3.2015


For Christmas 2014 Ez's grandpa got him an electronic chessboard.  It was loaded with thousands of classic games and could challenge and train the user in the game of chess.  Ez loves chess and while all of our computers have chess on them, this one was tactile and that was a big advantage.

Or it should have been.  The damn thing's LCD - which indicated where it wanted you to move its pieces - was broken.  Parts of digits and letters were missing.  We couldn't tell where it was pointing.  So we sent it back.

A month later, with zero communication from the company who sold it (and who we returned it to), I phoned.  The really nice Bostonian gal (with a not-terribly atrocious New England accent) informed me that I needed to wait six weeks for returns.  I gave them 12.  In early April I called again.  They informed me that the item had been backordered and they canceled our order since it was taking so long.  I asked them to let me make that decision and they obliged.  They said they'd reinstate the order and send the chess board when they received new stock.

It's 21 May and grandpa's Christmas gift arrived yesterday.  I haven't unboxed it yet, but I'm hoping they've corrected their faulty LCD.  It's also a weird throwback to customer service of days past:  You buy a mail order item, return it for replacement, wait a thousand years with no company-to-customer communication, get ambiguous information with customer-to-company communication, and six months later get a box in the mail.  It used to be like that for everything.

Tonight -  Specs' 12 Adler Museum Cafe
(kickin' it North Beach style) 


bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!

Red? Black? What? (REDUX)

5.2.2014  (first posted 2002)


I suppose it has a lot to do with living in a city and walking the streets and taking the public transportation, but if one is paying attention, one can observe many strange things.

I gave an example of this last week and I’ve got another tonight: Just where do old people get the caps they wear?

I’ve been noticing this for some time. It started a few years back when I was on my way to a bar with Founding Member Alan C. We happened to pass an old-timer and he was wearing a Chicago Bears cap. Being the eternally diligent Bears fan that I am, gave the old coot a “Go Bears.” Of course Alan didn’t approve. “Why do you insist on talking to strangers,” he asked, “and in case you didn’t notice, the dude’s homeless.” I looked again and sure enough, the dude was filthy head to toe and had taken up rummaging through a trash can. I started to think of a reason why the dude could still be a Bears fan but gave up. He probably found the cap somewhere. I want to find a Bears cap.

Some time later, Alan and I were on our way to a bar and we saw an old lady wearing a Chicago Cubs cap. I naturally shouted, “Go Cubs!” but the old lady just looked at me blankly. Alan said, “Uh ... dude ...” and I said, “Yeh, yeh. Homeless.”

And they don’t have to be homeless to be wearing caps of unknown origin. Just on the bus the other day I saw a nearly-old Asian dude wearing a “Canada” cap. Complete with maple leaf. What the hell is he wearing a “Canada” cap for? Hockey fan? I saw a guy wearing a “I’m dum-dum” cap; an old lady wearing a “Johnny Walker” cap; another old lady wearing a “Megadeath” cap and I even saw some die-hard Democrat wearing a “Mondale/Ferraro” cap. Sheesh.

What I figure is that most of them folks (with the exception of the Mondale/Ferraro booster) have nothing at all to do with what’s on the hat, but rather the utility of the hat itself. Like they’d all be wearing straw hats if they were as cheap and plentiful as the generic (or non-generic as listed above) baseball-type caps. Look for Alan today and you may find him wearing a cap from tonight’s TNSC Venue:

House of Shields

Porn Title of the Week: Hocus Poke Us

Tonight’s Singled-Out List Member: Shuba!

bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!

Who can you trust? (REDUX)

5.1.2015 (first posted 2006)

It's always helpful to know different approaches to difficult situations. Like hangovers for example. Mebbe you've tried and tried but just can't find a way to alleviate the effects of yr fun the night before. I solicited five-or-so List Members and collected their "cures." Next time yr in a bind and gotta get up for 9am dailies (often in my case) or catch the early bus while feeling like hell try one of these:

Anonymous List Member 1.
Date of hangover: Damn....I really can't remember the "last" one.
Cure:
Water, aspirin, coffee (lots of it)
water, aspirin, coffee (spiked)
water, aspirin, coffee, bloody, beer
Effectiveness: Medium

Anonymous List Member 2.
Date of hangover: Specific date was April 29.
Cure: I alleviated it by brewing a large pot of coffee and slaughtering approximately 9,253 Nazis in a three-hour period. I also would occasionally pet Dave Revis's dog, Heidi.
Effectiveness: High

Anonymous List Member 3.
Date of hangover: I guess it was during the 70's.
Cure: As well as I can remember, it just wore off with the passing of time. It involved headache and there was no playing the puke-a-lele.
Effectiveness: Low

Anonymous List Member 4.
Date of hangover: Last week.
Cure: Fried egg and bacon sandy, green or red Gatorade™, TCPPWD (thin-crust pepperoni pizza well-done) Margarita on rocks w/ salt.
Effectiveness: Wishful thinking

Anonymous List Member 5.
Date of hangover: the last one that stands out is new year's eve. not drunk, but not well.
Cure: what i did to alleviate the symptom? grovel.
Effectiveness: n/a

Anonymous List Member 6.
Date of hangover: This Monday.
Cure: Went to work and had to grin and bare it. Soon as I got
off work I went and had a few slices of pizza and a couple shots and
beers.
Effectiveness: None

Anonymous List Member 7
Date of hangover: it's the last time you were here, that Saturday.. the worst hangover,
nothing could help.. or so I thought... I puked about four times on my empty stomach.. Can I eat?  Should I eat?.
Cure: ate a banana, puked it, but there are worse things to taste a second time than a banana. and then it was as though the sky split open, and the angels came floating down, and when they did they were in the form of my Man and he was holding bags of food... from Taco Bell. I had a chicken quesadilla - no sauce - and a giant diet mystery soda (you know the ones that are so bad, they just taste like a mixture of soda flavors) - and I was semi cured..
Effectiveness: Semi

There you have it. Go try each one. Get back to me.

Tonight - Bar 821  (by request)  **CASH ONLY**

bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!