Johnson (REDUX)

2.1.2017 (first published this week 2004)

Little known about moi is that I spent a year away from home as a lad, attending a magnet school that drew me ha-way across this great nation of ours to that once-proud burg known as Columbus, Ohio. I musta scored the magic number on one them tests they give high school kids 'cause the postman brought the invite to the Our Lady of Blessed Last Fair Deals Gone Down and I was Greyhounded to Columbus later that afternoon. Turns out I was able to leave so quickly because my now-departed-but-then-dear-ol Aunt Etyhl lived only a hitchhike outta downtown Columbus and she was delighted to have me for a few semesters.
Aunt Ethyl was somekinda beauty queen-turned-racecar driver back in her day. Shirley Muldowney had nothin' on her looks or her lead foot. Auntie also had a terrific wit. And she could and DID drink Wally Parks, editor of Hot Rod Magazine and NHRA Founder, under the shop workbench. I was a mere infant in my domestic light beer drinking and a year with Aunt Ethyl was all it took to turn a hobby into a favorite hobby. Soon, though, a problem surfaced. America wasn't yet Recycle Crazy as it is now and the Columbus city trash men refused to take away our bins and bins of empty cans. We started squishing the cans but even squished their sheer number was a dumpster full.

One day before being overwhelmed by the cans, Auntie's pal and Top Fuel Icon Don "Big Daddy" Garlits stopped by for a visit. He took a look at us and said, "Sheeeooooot, Eth, I been here before. I'll be right back with yr solution." He peeled out of the drive and before Auntie and I could ask each other, "what the ... " Garlits was back with a goat. That goat was untethered and took at once to chowin' down on that mountain of cans. We all had a good laugh at that.

And that goat was smart too! Instead of fouling the carpet he used Auntie's cat Snorkles' litter box. Auntie reminded me to send a nice Christmas card to Mr.. Big Daddy wishing him yuletide greetings and thanks for solving the can problem. I said I would. I did.

The thing I remember most about the whole episode, though is cleaning the cat/goat box. I cleverly used one of the magnets I got at the magnet school and bang! The box was clean of goat droppings. True story.



Tonight - Lucky 13  (by request)
Just like old times...  **CASH ONLY**

Bring yr pals. Party. I will.

See you there!

bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!