10.4.2017 (first posted this week 2001 - post meltdown)
I am writing this message under adverse
conditions: There is a twelve pound cat sitting on my keyboard. Now he
is sitting on one hand. He is moving again. Rubbing his head on the
desk, my hand, the keyboard, my other hand, back to the first hand, now
he is just leaving his head in the middle of my hands. I suppose I'm not
paying him enough attention, because he is looking up into my eyes -
pitifully - as if he is on the verge of speaking English. He would
probably say, "How 'bout some pets, baby." I'm sure he'd call me "baby."
I'm certain of few things these days, but one thing I'm certain of is
that he'd call me baby.
Don't start thinking that I don't give this
cat enough pets. This sucker has been the boss for 11 and a half years
now. We as humans might think we "have cats," or "own a cat," but I'm
beginning to think we factor only slightly into the equation. We feed
them and clean up after them (a lot) and keep them from running out the
front door and that's about it. Oh yeah ... we do bring 'em the pets,
too. It seems that we could hire a staff of sixteen to come over and pet
the little sucker all day, what with his insatiable appetite.
I was
gearin' up to launch into a rant about space exploration, or the war, or
the beautiful sunny days but that fuzzball had other ideas about what I
was gonna be writing about.
Tonight - The Homestead (whew... got through another month)
News: Who's
got a job? Who's pounding the pavement? Who's hiring? Oh and I need
volunteers to be Pinch Linkey-Loo Coordinators. Moss? Tama? Oh yeah: Two
shoppping months till Xmas.
Last Week’s Contest results: The
VA's title, "Turkey," rhymes with "No Workey," and y'all know what that
means. Honorable mention to Founding Member John Metsker, who dug up a
cat-devoted website featuring a cat named Mog who likes the turkey.
TONIGHT'S SINGLED-OUT LIST MEMBERS: All of last weeks' attendees.
PORN TITLE OF THE WEEK: (Still more Halloween fun) Intercourse with the Vampire.
Bring your comrades and religious icons. I
know I will. See you there!
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
Thursday, October 26, 2017
Thursday, October 19, 2017
The Ring of Doom (REDUX)
10.3.2017 (first published this week 2004)
On the old airliner I can often be found pawing through the airline's free magazine. SWA's "Spirit," AA's "The American Way," or Delta's very cleverly named, "Sky" often give you seven to twelve minutes of mind-numbing reading. Really great stuff. I love checking on the ongoing war btwn the American Cattlemen's Association and the Beef Ranchers of America in their ads for the "Greatest Steak Joints in America." The ACA will swear that Jeb's B&G in Amarillo has the best T-Bone while the BRA attests, no, Phil's Chop City in Chicago wears the crown. It's funny. Check it.
Sky Mall is a riot, too. You need a fake rock to cover that unsightly DPW water meter in yr front lawn? Sky Mall's got it, and in two-three shapes and sizes, too! Anything you want: Booze, meat, fruit, plastic bag clips, a mini-submarine, an ice rink, a replica compass as featured in "Titanic," key warmers, electric umbrellas, U-make/U-eat Advent Calendars ... Sky Mall lacks nothing. I like leafing through and counting the kitties and puppies. And references to god. If there are more references to god than there are puppies and kitties I throw the thing down in disgust. The one thing Sky Mall lacks, though, are ads.
Anyone ever hear of "Zocor?" Breezed past an ad for it in "Spirit" without reading about it, but the name has stuck with me. I think it's some sorta drug ... mebbe for yr toenail fungus or yr itchy burney ass or mebbe it puts the fire back in yr firewood. To ME, "Zocor" sounds like the name of the ancient monster god from Beyond Space, who has come back to destroy the world! OK, lemme check and see ... ummmmmm ... nope. Zocor is a drug for yr shitty cholesterol levels. It's not the name of the evil demonic world-plunderer, back again after millennia, here to stomp cities and suck dry the oceans.
Tonight - Hemlock Tavern (by request)
Note: Punk Rock benefit show for North Bay Fire Relief Portion of bar proceeds are added to the fund, so drink up for a good cause. Donations also kindly accepted. Info here.
No, sir, I am a real horse!
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
On the old airliner I can often be found pawing through the airline's free magazine. SWA's "Spirit," AA's "The American Way," or Delta's very cleverly named, "Sky" often give you seven to twelve minutes of mind-numbing reading. Really great stuff. I love checking on the ongoing war btwn the American Cattlemen's Association and the Beef Ranchers of America in their ads for the "Greatest Steak Joints in America." The ACA will swear that Jeb's B&G in Amarillo has the best T-Bone while the BRA attests, no, Phil's Chop City in Chicago wears the crown. It's funny. Check it.
Sky Mall is a riot, too. You need a fake rock to cover that unsightly DPW water meter in yr front lawn? Sky Mall's got it, and in two-three shapes and sizes, too! Anything you want: Booze, meat, fruit, plastic bag clips, a mini-submarine, an ice rink, a replica compass as featured in "Titanic," key warmers, electric umbrellas, U-make/U-eat Advent Calendars ... Sky Mall lacks nothing. I like leafing through and counting the kitties and puppies. And references to god. If there are more references to god than there are puppies and kitties I throw the thing down in disgust. The one thing Sky Mall lacks, though, are ads.
Anyone ever hear of "Zocor?" Breezed past an ad for it in "Spirit" without reading about it, but the name has stuck with me. I think it's some sorta drug ... mebbe for yr toenail fungus or yr itchy burney ass or mebbe it puts the fire back in yr firewood. To ME, "Zocor" sounds like the name of the ancient monster god from Beyond Space, who has come back to destroy the world! OK, lemme check and see ... ummmmmm ... nope. Zocor is a drug for yr shitty cholesterol levels. It's not the name of the evil demonic world-plunderer, back again after millennia, here to stomp cities and suck dry the oceans.
Tonight - Hemlock Tavern (by request)
Note: Punk Rock benefit show for North Bay Fire Relief Portion of bar proceeds are added to the fund, so drink up for a good cause. Donations also kindly accepted. Info here.
No, sir, I am a real horse!
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
Thursday, October 12, 2017
Patience (REDUX)
10.2.2017 (first posted this week 2000)
The building I work in has this huge lobby that's normally packed with some of the crappiest sculpture I've ever seen. One time there was this itty bitty "house" that was full of rotten eggs hanging from the ceiling on fishing line. That thing smelled kinda bad. There were these ET-lookin' humanoid figures: short, fat, bald, big heads. Pink. Green. Stupid. Ugly. I wonder if anyone will ever look at them and say, "That's just what my collection needs! Here's a million bucks!" I doubt it. I get a sense of relief when I walk through the lobby in the morning and the night before the "artists" had come and gathered up their "art." The floor's all polished, lookin' nice, devoid of fuzzy orange church bells or ten tricycles welded together in a heap or various barnyard animal's heads epoxyed to plastic babydolls. Don't get me wrong, folks can go ahead and make bad art for all I care, I'm just sorta growin' weary of seeing it down there all the time. Some day I hope to see some nice stuff: paintings of pretty yellow flowers, antique jukeboxes, maybe a hotdog stand. How 'bout some dude's Vespa collection? I sorta appreciate some peoples' cornball hobbies. 'Cause I haven't gotten any better suggestions, tonight's meeting is gonna be here:
540 Club (inner Richmond - by request)
I got an email from my ISP and it said that "sirius.com" would be down for maintenance today. Great. Why not Sunday midnight? Naw, Thursday all day.
Believe it or not, ain't no one new to the list. That's the first time in a long time. No, wait, there's a late addition: Emmy. First one to buy Emmy a drink wins a prize. Still nobody chucked off the list. I hope you feel guilty if you're one of the ones not attending. (Clint said he'd come tonight.)
TONIGHT'S CONTEST: (Recess theme) Jacks, hopscotch, four-square, pig pog.
TONIGHT'S DRAMATIC REENACTMENT: The Native American occupation of Alcatraz. On 20 November 1969, members of the American Indian Movement began their 19-month occupation of the former maximum security prison. This event served as a springboard for the rise of Indian activism in the 1970's. The underlying goal of the Indians on Alcatraz Island was to awaken the American public to the plight of the first Americans, to the suffering caused by the Federal Government's broken treaties and broken promises, and to the need for Indian self-determination. Players tonight: The Western CGI department play the Indians, with Guy Hudson as Alcatraz Island; John Henkel as the Bay Area; Traci as the Federal Government; Sally Carter as the inept prison guard "Bunny"; and Matt as a can of spray paint.
My cat Junior was very upset this morning. I don't know why. Anyone else have trouble with kitty cats this AM?
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
The building I work in has this huge lobby that's normally packed with some of the crappiest sculpture I've ever seen. One time there was this itty bitty "house" that was full of rotten eggs hanging from the ceiling on fishing line. That thing smelled kinda bad. There were these ET-lookin' humanoid figures: short, fat, bald, big heads. Pink. Green. Stupid. Ugly. I wonder if anyone will ever look at them and say, "That's just what my collection needs! Here's a million bucks!" I doubt it. I get a sense of relief when I walk through the lobby in the morning and the night before the "artists" had come and gathered up their "art." The floor's all polished, lookin' nice, devoid of fuzzy orange church bells or ten tricycles welded together in a heap or various barnyard animal's heads epoxyed to plastic babydolls. Don't get me wrong, folks can go ahead and make bad art for all I care, I'm just sorta growin' weary of seeing it down there all the time. Some day I hope to see some nice stuff: paintings of pretty yellow flowers, antique jukeboxes, maybe a hotdog stand. How 'bout some dude's Vespa collection? I sorta appreciate some peoples' cornball hobbies. 'Cause I haven't gotten any better suggestions, tonight's meeting is gonna be here:
540 Club (inner Richmond - by request)
I got an email from my ISP and it said that "sirius.com" would be down for maintenance today. Great. Why not Sunday midnight? Naw, Thursday all day.
Believe it or not, ain't no one new to the list. That's the first time in a long time. No, wait, there's a late addition: Emmy. First one to buy Emmy a drink wins a prize. Still nobody chucked off the list. I hope you feel guilty if you're one of the ones not attending. (Clint said he'd come tonight.)
TONIGHT'S CONTEST: (Recess theme) Jacks, hopscotch, four-square, pig pog.
TONIGHT'S DRAMATIC REENACTMENT: The Native American occupation of Alcatraz. On 20 November 1969, members of the American Indian Movement began their 19-month occupation of the former maximum security prison. This event served as a springboard for the rise of Indian activism in the 1970's. The underlying goal of the Indians on Alcatraz Island was to awaken the American public to the plight of the first Americans, to the suffering caused by the Federal Government's broken treaties and broken promises, and to the need for Indian self-determination. Players tonight: The Western CGI department play the Indians, with Guy Hudson as Alcatraz Island; John Henkel as the Bay Area; Traci as the Federal Government; Sally Carter as the inept prison guard "Bunny"; and Matt as a can of spray paint.
My cat Junior was very upset this morning. I don't know why. Anyone else have trouble with kitty cats this AM?
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
Thursday, October 05, 2017
Pretty Kitty (REDUX)
9.1.2017 (first published this week 2008)
So am I supposed to be logged into Facebook like I'm logged into my email? Sit there and watch it and shit? This is not clear to me but some of the things I'm picking up about the FB suggest that many folks sit there and watch it. The goddang thing changes right before one's eyes with invites to "do the wave," or that Phil wrote on my wall or Betty's currently "bloaty." I'm resisting being a slave to my email and have been shutting it all the way off recently and turning it on only at specific times during the day. Now I don't jump when that "mail's in" klaxon sounds.
Now what about Twitter? Do I want or need that? Gawker? This blog is updated only once a week and while it contains a rant, most of you skip that and go right to the venue anyway, don't ya? Ain't you supposed to be devouring blog posts like so many Triscuits™? I think that's what we're supposed to be doing but I'm not sure: I live on the West Side.
Tonight - Hi-Dive.
It's "Fleet Week!" Buy a sailor a drink!!
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
So am I supposed to be logged into Facebook like I'm logged into my email? Sit there and watch it and shit? This is not clear to me but some of the things I'm picking up about the FB suggest that many folks sit there and watch it. The goddang thing changes right before one's eyes with invites to "do the wave," or that Phil wrote on my wall or Betty's currently "bloaty." I'm resisting being a slave to my email and have been shutting it all the way off recently and turning it on only at specific times during the day. Now I don't jump when that "mail's in" klaxon sounds.
Now what about Twitter? Do I want or need that? Gawker? This blog is updated only once a week and while it contains a rant, most of you skip that and go right to the venue anyway, don't ya? Ain't you supposed to be devouring blog posts like so many Triscuits™? I think that's what we're supposed to be doing but I'm not sure: I live on the West Side.
Tonight - Hi-Dive.
It's "Fleet Week!" Buy a sailor a drink!!
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
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