Balderdash!

11.3.2k3
Thursday, 20 November 2003



So I had to submit to a urine test the other day. I'd been accused or using performance-enhancing drugs during the last Scrabble tournament I'd won and I had to clear my name. Boy is it a cutthroat world! Anyway, I don't know if you ever had to pee in a cup for anything other than normal reasons (?), but when you're a suspect, they treat you a lot different at the clinic. They're not nice. They're cold, they're quite rude and their stares burn a hole right through you. The clinician I was lucky enough to get was as big as a house and scary looking. He breathed through one nostril and squished his face into a scowl worthy of a Halloween mask. He ordered me to empty my pockets into a clear, lucite box. When I'd finished, he spun me around and fuckin'-A FRISKED me. "Jesus, buddy, watch yr hands," I said. He grunted a shutthefuckup. When his full-cavity search turned up nothing, he slapped a padlock on the lucite box and then handed me the box and thrust a piss cup in my hand. "Go in dere," he said, motioning to a room with a unisex symbol on the door, "and you gots fifteen seconds only. And yr being watched through the cameras and such. Don't do nothin' funny or I'm comin' in." Jesus, I thought, going into the room, no pressure or nothing.
I managed to fill the specimen cup in the alloted time and capped it. I opened the door and handed it over to the Neanderthal. "Here ya go, Piss Man," I said, "now unlock my shit, yo." I thought it was funny to call him Piss Man. And I aced the test. My pee was squeaky clean, yo. Don't need dope to throw my BCHSXYZ into _EN_O___AMP_OR_ to spell BENZOXYCAMPHORS and score 1830 points, yo.

Tonight: Annies

Oh hey and: Find the Reference!

Enjoy the Annie's without Robot tonight, as Robot is winging-it into the desert South West to view best friend Phil's new baby name of Ezzard.

bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

Icy London.

11.1.2k3
Thursday, 06 November 2003



I recently redefined my "Leave of Absence" to a cooler, sexier term: "Special Assignment." You know, a pal asks how work is going and you say, "I'm on Leave of Absence," and yr pal thinks yr a dork but not if you say, "I'm on 'Special Assignment.'" They'll start thinking about the cool, sexy adventures you'll be having on "Special Assignment:" Jetting off to exotic cities, deep-sea fishing, smearin' cocoa butter on some hottie's shoulders and whatnot. In reality, though, "Special Assignment" has afforded me time to fill my apartment with smoke from my fireplace, pick up cat poop and buy foods that rot in my fridge. Yeh, baby ... SEXY!

Tonight: Dalva

Oh hey and: Find the Reference!

Dalva sounds like the boss of me. I gotta go in that case. You better too. See you there.

whrr ... clik!

Say what? Ten A. Oh.

10.5.2k3
Thursday, 30 October 2003



Well ya can't bark at a return to normalcy. What I mean to say is that things are back to the straight and narrow. Yep. Forward, ever forward. Got some time to do shit now, so's I'm a-doin' it. How 'bout the rest ya? One pal checked in and they're enjoying nice walks along beaches. Others have been gathering fruits and veggies at local markets and cookin' up some feasts. Others still go regularly to bars and get themselves shit-housed. Boy, sure sounds like fun.

Tonight: Sadie's Flying Elephant

Oh hey and: Find the Reference!

C'mon out to the 'derm and wave hello to some and buh-bye to others. Don't miss this on you know what's good for you.

Oh and hey! Radium's Halloween party was one year ago today. Know what that means? I know I do.
bye-ee!


whrr ... clik!

Sam. Yosimite Sam.

10.4.2k3
Thursday, 23 October 2003



I wrote a while back about theme songs and what ... say ... Founding Member Alan J. Chimenti's theme song would be. Right about now it would be "Aloha Oy, Pass the Maki Maki and make me a drinkey ... " but that ain't my point for writing today. Today I'd like to speculate about and explore what custom mudflaps several of you would have if you drove around in a dualie. Why? Who the fuck cares! Don't tell me for a minute that y'all haven't put yr minds to this very question from time to time.


Mathias: My Car Speaks German
Moss: I Speak German
MB: Don't Fuck With Me
Christi: I Parked My Ass At The Shaver Lake Saloon
Jeremy: Cornholed By The Lord Again
Robot: I Didn't Cut You Off, I Flipped You Off
Chef: Got A Wood-Burnin' Stove ... If You Catch My Meaning
Smith: I Break For Peroxide Trucks
Mark Bobek: My Other Car is a Car
Mr. Metsker: Not Now ... I'm Studying
Kyra: I'd Rather Be At Argus
Dani: 57 Inches On Board
Julie: God Damn Fuck Piss Shit ... hee hee

Tonight: Annie's

Oh hey and: Find the Reference!

Return with us to TNSC's official HQ. Bring yr pals. I know I will.

bye-ee!


whrr ... clik!