Zapateria!
8.5.2k6

Went to the local palm reader and Miss Ev'lin didn't even LOOK at my hand before she said, "thinner" in a chilly voice. I had read the book long ago and a shudder went through me. Before I could finish saying, "That's FUCKED UP ... " she laughed and slapped her knee. "You shoulda seen yr face, my boy," she said. "Got me!" I said and gave her a playful punch in the jaw. "Don't ever touch my face," she said, rubbing her chin, "sit down, sit down." I sat.
She reached out and took my hand, regarded the back for a minute. She produced a small voice recorder from under the table and quietly said something into it.
"What was that you said," I asked.
"Oh nothing. I remembered something I need to pick up at the store."
"uh ... okay," I said.
Then she turned my hand over and was visibly shocked by something. I tried to pull away but she held on firmly.
"W ... what the fuck is it?" I stammered.
"Oh nothing," she said. "Well ... it is something."
"What?"
"Don't go see BRMC at the Sunset Junction festival. You won't like it at all."
It took me a second: "That was Saturday night! I already did it! And it totally sucked."
"mmm-hmmm," she said, "I see that. And another thing, don't order pizza from Dingy's."
"But I already did."
"And ..."
"It totally sucked."
"mm-hmmm."
"You're not telling me shit, you know," I said.
"But I'm not wrong, am I?" she asked.
"I guess not," I said.
"mm-hmmm."

Tonight - It's the last Thursday of the month. That means The Homestead. 19th and Folsom, SF.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!


bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

Get over it.
8.4.2k6

Hi all ...

Just got back from Iraq and I'm feeling much better - I didn't use that foot much anyway ... I've got automatic transmission on my Bentley. And the six months in Switzerland, Swaziland, Togo, Truk Islands, Antarctica, New Zealand, Greenland, Normandy, sub-Orbit (Thanks again, Mr. Branson) and SeaLab did me and my ladies a lot of good.

What with the court settlement and my recent lottery wins in California and Arkansas, I've been able to fund the rebuilding of my homes in New Orleans and get the fire damage fixed on my ranch. It will be great to spend some time there -- the Manhattan and Paris penthouses are getting kinda tired.

I'm almost done in astronaut training and expect to be cleared for this Sunday's launch of Atlantis. It'll be fun to be back on the Cape.

Life is great and getting better. I hope to see you soon and if yr near any of the points along my upcoming cross-country blimp trip route, paint something on the ground so I can see it from 1000ft.

The monkeys and cats and chinchillas are all fine. Thanks for asking.

Peace.

-jhj
USA, EU and the nice parts of Africa.

Tonight - The Attic.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!


bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

Nuke Gay Whales for Jesus
8.3.2k6

I want to make bumperstickers that say: "Know thy car's length and width and drive like a champion."

I drive the streets and freeways of LA every day now and aside from a handful of good drivers, these pilgrims are purebred shitty drivers. What makes a shitty driver? I had thought that driving too fast or too slow was the main problem. It is a big part of the problem, but increasingly I've observed that bad drivers are the ones who try to fit into a space too small; don't give the person they're squeezing in front of enough comfort room (and forcing one to apply the brakes (starting a chain-reaction of brakes)); or are too scared to try to fit into, through or around something because they don't fucking know the dimensions of their car. That's yr bad driver.

I actually had to get into Jailbreak (my Jeep) through the passenger door and crawl over the divider to get into the driver's seat because the dingus who had parked next to me gave me no room to open my door. I left a note: YOU LEAVE ME NO ROOM TO OPEN DOOR. YOU PARKD TOO CLOSE. PLEASE BE COOLER.

No lie. I hope they were peeved. Fuck 'em, I shoulda keyed their door.

Tonight - The Orbit Room.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!


bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

Gotta wear shades.
8.2.2k6

There's a Rite-Aid right across the street from me and I've found that they have really cold beer that's always on sale. $10 for an 18-pak. I'm going through a few of them 18ers a week (yike!) and it helps to keep the cost down.

I ducked over there just last night to re-fuel and I remembered to check the back-to-school section that was being massively restocked the day before. (I wasn't buying beer the day before. I didn't drink 18 beers on a school night. I was buying Juinor Mints for the freezer. They got a good price on them Jrs too and I always have to have something minty in the icebox and none of them little sluts came around whoring their cookies this year so I gotta go with Plan B, ok? Shut up, Alan.) I chose a bunch of new ink pens (on sale!), got my beer and got in line. I waited as the person in front went through about a trillion coupons until she found the one she needed. I waited. I looked around. Behind me was a Post cereal display and I thought about the eternal debate of whether Cocoa Pebbles are better than Cocoa Krispies (they are better ... way better). Then I noticed the sign: ALL POST CEREAL $1.79. I snagged a box of Grape-Nuts. I like eating very small rocks with milk.

At the check-out, the counterman said, "damn. I ain't had Grape-Nuts forever. My mom used to get that for us." Then he looked at me. "I hated Grape-Nuts." As this guy looks like he's on parole I told him he could put them back.

Tonight - Club Deluxe.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!


bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

There was a boy who had a dog....
8.1.2k6

And BINGO was his name-o.

BINGO? YES!!!

EZ Listening? YES!!!

$2 Hamms Beer? Sure...why not?!?

No cover? Definitely.

Tonight - The Knockout.
















See you there. I know I'll be!!

bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!