Bog Green
2.4.2k7
Much as I try to recycle, conserve energy, bike commute and hope for a greener future, I'm starting to hate hybrid cars and the motherfuckers driving them.
You know well that the things are wildly popular. Some say that it's because they conceptually get a few more MPGs than yr average Miata. (Which is questionable when the driver hammers down, thus using the gasoline engine all the while AC on full. Some saving there. What? Are there filters on the tailpipe?) I believe that the jerkoff hybrid driver cares fuck-all about being green and cares only about the stupid rule that hybrid vehicles get access to the High Occupancy Vehicle lanes. What pollutes more: Four solo passenger Priuses or a Ford Exploder carpooling four office nerds? I don't have the stats to back up my guess that the hybrids will come out on top. Plus, ya got four Prius that could wreck and close a freeway, opposed to the one 'sploder. Fast fwd and try to figure out what's gonna happen when theres millions of hybrids on the road. The H/HOV lanes will look like normal lanes. I can HEAR the early adopters crying when they get booted. "We were here first! The new gen hybrids should go, etc. etc."
This ain't really why I hate Insights, Priuses and the rest. The real reason is that I can't fucking hear them sneak up behind me in the Ralph's parking lot. Goddang electric motor is so quiet I don't know they're back there until the motherfucker is nipping the heels of my Chucks. They should put a bell on them.
Tonight - The Homestead.
Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Thursday, February 15, 2007
I said, NEVER
2.3.2k7
Sticky, icky, black tar. That's what is commonly thought to be contained in the La Brea tar pits. (Spanish for "tar" happens to be "brea." Sooo ... saying, "the La Brea tar pits" is like saying "the the tar tar pits." YAY!) In fact, the "tar" is actually oil. It's just sticky and icky and black like tar so they called it tar. Whatevs.
My little wife and I went to the museo at the the tar tar pits and it was fascinating. Learned about the saber-toothed cats (NOT TIGERS, yo) and that there were lions once in America. And camels, if you can believe it. American camels. No lie.
These tidbits of info came from the docent tour-guide, a short, stocky, fiftyish man w/ a fu manchu. He was very personable and encouraged the crowd to guess the answers to questions he would pose. e.g., "Only about one species within one million species has left a fossil for us to find. That means millions upon millions of species have disappeared without a trace! What must one DO to become a fossil in the first place?" The people in the smallish crowd looked back blankly. "Die," I said to the crowd, and the guide said, "Exactly!" I'd answered his question while suggesting an activity for the people in the tour. "What else?" asked the guide. Again nothing from the groop. "Remain undisturbed," I suggested. The guide gave me a wink, a wink that meant: You and me, brother, we work together or this will be a long day. I motioned to my little wife. He looked at her and said, wordlessly, "okay, she's in too." I nodded, "Agreed." It went on for a while.
Turns out that he didn't need me the whole time: A couple of little kids that at first appeared cute but rapidly became annoying took the majority of the next questions. I really dig fossils and geology and, well, science, so I asked the guide a few questions of my own. This inspired a few others to ask questions, mostly ones that he'd previously answered, which the might have noticed if they had been paying attention. One man asked a question that I'll never forget.
We had just left the mastodon skeleton and came to the mammoth's. It was easily three times bigger than the mastodon and the guide said it was a JUNIOR mammoth. Holy shit, indeed. Aptly named, this beast.
Closely related as species, it's not only the mammoth's size that differentiates the two: Their tusks serve different purposes. The mastodon's tusks were straight and were likely used to bend back tree limbs, dig into rotten logs and earth to search for grubs, and other such practical uses. The mammoth's, on the other hand were curved in incredible arcs, resembling a pretzel in their curviness. Scholars think that the mammoth's tusks were likely cosmetic and ornamental. A big twisty show to attract a mate. This nugget - a mammoth attracting a mate - inspired the father of one of the little brats to cough up the question that will remain with me forever:
"How did those mammoths make love?"
I swear that I heard a grown man say that. Those exact words. I'm one to anthromorphize everything from a toaster to a vine, but never have I had the illusion that animals "make love." I saw the guide blanch and decided I didn't want to hear his answer or the idiot-man's likely follow-up: Where did they go to the bathroom?
Tonight - The Lone Palm.
Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
2.3.2k7
Sticky, icky, black tar. That's what is commonly thought to be contained in the La Brea tar pits. (Spanish for "tar" happens to be "brea." Sooo ... saying, "the La Brea tar pits" is like saying "the the tar tar pits." YAY!) In fact, the "tar" is actually oil. It's just sticky and icky and black like tar so they called it tar. Whatevs.
My little wife and I went to the museo at the the tar tar pits and it was fascinating. Learned about the saber-toothed cats (NOT TIGERS, yo) and that there were lions once in America. And camels, if you can believe it. American camels. No lie.
These tidbits of info came from the docent tour-guide, a short, stocky, fiftyish man w/ a fu manchu. He was very personable and encouraged the crowd to guess the answers to questions he would pose. e.g., "Only about one species within one million species has left a fossil for us to find. That means millions upon millions of species have disappeared without a trace! What must one DO to become a fossil in the first place?" The people in the smallish crowd looked back blankly. "Die," I said to the crowd, and the guide said, "Exactly!" I'd answered his question while suggesting an activity for the people in the tour. "What else?" asked the guide. Again nothing from the groop. "Remain undisturbed," I suggested. The guide gave me a wink, a wink that meant: You and me, brother, we work together or this will be a long day. I motioned to my little wife. He looked at her and said, wordlessly, "okay, she's in too." I nodded, "Agreed." It went on for a while.
Turns out that he didn't need me the whole time: A couple of little kids that at first appeared cute but rapidly became annoying took the majority of the next questions. I really dig fossils and geology and, well, science, so I asked the guide a few questions of my own. This inspired a few others to ask questions, mostly ones that he'd previously answered, which the might have noticed if they had been paying attention. One man asked a question that I'll never forget.
We had just left the mastodon skeleton and came to the mammoth's. It was easily three times bigger than the mastodon and the guide said it was a JUNIOR mammoth. Holy shit, indeed. Aptly named, this beast.
Closely related as species, it's not only the mammoth's size that differentiates the two: Their tusks serve different purposes. The mastodon's tusks were straight and were likely used to bend back tree limbs, dig into rotten logs and earth to search for grubs, and other such practical uses. The mammoth's, on the other hand were curved in incredible arcs, resembling a pretzel in their curviness. Scholars think that the mammoth's tusks were likely cosmetic and ornamental. A big twisty show to attract a mate. This nugget - a mammoth attracting a mate - inspired the father of one of the little brats to cough up the question that will remain with me forever:
"How did those mammoths make love?"
I swear that I heard a grown man say that. Those exact words. I'm one to anthromorphize everything from a toaster to a vine, but never have I had the illusion that animals "make love." I saw the guide blanch and decided I didn't want to hear his answer or the idiot-man's likely follow-up: Where did they go to the bathroom?
Tonight - The Lone Palm.
Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Dixon Landing Road, Pt. 1
2.2.2k7
I'm in awe of and disgusted by a guy who prowls the bullshit email groop at the joint I work. In this context, I mean "awe" not as a good thing.
An example of this use of "awe" would be, "I'm in awe of the terrible play of da Bears in the game." Or, "I'm in awe of how bad I smell." Or, "I'm in awe of the giant pile of dogshit I nearly stepped in." I use the word "disgusted" in its primary definition.
The guy deserves my rancor. He's the type of guy you all know - the know-it-all jerk - and you yourownself hate. Global Warming? ("So-called" as he says.) He's an expert. Hubble's gyros? He's an expert. Math? Expert. Physics? Expert. Language? Expert. Language translation? Expert. Biodiesel? Expert. Best Cuban restaurant in LA? Expert. Visual effects? Expert. Mac OSX? Expert. The list goes on and on and on. Here's an example of his bullshit. Transcript from a thread on the forum. His is last. If you do not bow your head in disgust, you are better than me.
OMFG. You can't possibly answer the question, can you? You have to impress us w/ yr vast knowledge of Greek language and history. Fok. Can the gal get five bucks off a spinning class for fuck's sake?
Tonight - Zeitgeist.
Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!
Longtime Lovely List Member John Alonzo Stillman and his lovely family are pulling up stakes for the apeeeeen-air of Colorado next week and wanna say Adios to Frisco and the TNSC. So come out and kiss hands and shake the baby. I know I would.
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
2.2.2k7
I'm in awe of and disgusted by a guy who prowls the bullshit email groop at the joint I work. In this context, I mean "awe" not as a good thing.
An example of this use of "awe" would be, "I'm in awe of the terrible play of da Bears in the game." Or, "I'm in awe of how bad I smell." Or, "I'm in awe of the giant pile of dogshit I nearly stepped in." I use the word "disgusted" in its primary definition.
The guy deserves my rancor. He's the type of guy you all know - the know-it-all jerk - and you yourownself hate. Global Warming? ("So-called" as he says.) He's an expert. Hubble's gyros? He's an expert. Math? Expert. Physics? Expert. Language? Expert. Language translation? Expert. Biodiesel? Expert. Best Cuban restaurant in LA? Expert. Visual effects? Expert. Mac OSX? Expert. The list goes on and on and on. Here's an example of his bullshit. Transcript from a thread on the forum. His is last. If you do not bow your head in disgust, you are better than me.
- gold's gym discount? as employees are we eligible for gold's gym discounts or anything like that?
- They do offer some discount. Not sure what it is
- This has made my lunch turn. "For those who want to be really buff, a Dutch gym is introducing training sessions for nudists."
- The root of the word "gymnasium" is the Greek word "gymnos" which means naked, so technically they're upholding the old tradition. Of course, there's probably a big difference between ancient Greek athletes and pasty, hirsute Dutch naturists.
OMFG. You can't possibly answer the question, can you? You have to impress us w/ yr vast knowledge of Greek language and history. Fok. Can the gal get five bucks off a spinning class for fuck's sake?
Tonight - Zeitgeist.
Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!
Longtime Lovely List Member John Alonzo Stillman and his lovely family are pulling up stakes for the apeeeeen-air of Colorado next week and wanna say Adios to Frisco and the TNSC. So come out and kiss hands and shake the baby. I know I would.
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
Thursday, February 01, 2007
I winney, I wonder, I wanda ...
2.1.2k7
I never knew I was a superstitious fucking idiot. Seems I am. I'm discovering this via the Bears' run to the Championship. I helped the Bears win the Divisional Playoff game against Lee Lee the Musical Bee's Seattle seachickens by standing in a two-by-two square of kitchen floor that had sunshine beaming on it. I did not leave the square of light and the kick was good! I noticed that I wore an old Bears Tshirt to bed the night before, so I wore the same Tshirt for the NFC Championship against the Ain'ts and we won that one. I also had a bloodymary with a spicey bean garnish for the Divisional playoff so I did it for the NFC Championship. I didn't have the square of sunshine but that's okey since I was watching the game at home this week instead at a Bears fan friend of mine. SHE was in Vegas watching the game. I was in the comfort of my own home. My square of sunshine this time was to pick up my cat Porkchop when we were in the scoring zone (Red Zone.) Each time I picked her up, we scored. It worked.
SO ... for the Bears game this week (some call it superbowl), I've devised a long list of superstitious nonsense for me to do to ensure victory over the colds:
Wear old Tshirt to bed night before.
Do not trim fangernails as they weren't trimmed for the prev. games and we won.
Watch SuperBowl Shuffle on YouTube at every convenient time.
Hold breath and stand on one leg.
Eat something Chicago-y every day.
Have bloodys w/ spicey beans on gameday.
Devise clever Bears-related treats to bring to party.
Swap out BadBoysBailBonds security card lanyard for Bears lanyard.
Spell and pronounce opponant's team name wrong purposefully.
See relevance of attending Helmet concert same day fiberglass Bears HELMETs are placed on the Art Institute lions.
Declare amnesty for all bandwagon Bearsfans.
...
The list goes on. I'm sure you care.
Tonight - The Knockout.
Bingo starts at 7:30.
SPECIAL LIVE PERFORMANCES BY
THUNDER THIGHS
BIKE FIGHT
AND KILLERDREAMER
Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik! Go Bears!
2.1.2k7
I never knew I was a superstitious fucking idiot. Seems I am. I'm discovering this via the Bears' run to the Championship. I helped the Bears win the Divisional Playoff game against Lee Lee the Musical Bee's Seattle seachickens by standing in a two-by-two square of kitchen floor that had sunshine beaming on it. I did not leave the square of light and the kick was good! I noticed that I wore an old Bears Tshirt to bed the night before, so I wore the same Tshirt for the NFC Championship against the Ain'ts and we won that one. I also had a bloodymary with a spicey bean garnish for the Divisional playoff so I did it for the NFC Championship. I didn't have the square of sunshine but that's okey since I was watching the game at home this week instead at a Bears fan friend of mine. SHE was in Vegas watching the game. I was in the comfort of my own home. My square of sunshine this time was to pick up my cat Porkchop when we were in the scoring zone (Red Zone.) Each time I picked her up, we scored. It worked.
SO ... for the Bears game this week (some call it superbowl), I've devised a long list of superstitious nonsense for me to do to ensure victory over the colds:
Wear old Tshirt to bed night before.
Do not trim fangernails as they weren't trimmed for the prev. games and we won.
Watch SuperBowl Shuffle on YouTube at every convenient time.
Hold breath and stand on one leg.
Eat something Chicago-y every day.
Have bloodys w/ spicey beans on gameday.
Devise clever Bears-related treats to bring to party.
Swap out BadBoysBailBonds security card lanyard for Bears lanyard.
Spell and pronounce opponant's team name wrong purposefully.
See relevance of attending Helmet concert same day fiberglass Bears HELMETs are placed on the Art Institute lions.
Declare amnesty for all bandwagon Bearsfans.
...
The list goes on. I'm sure you care.
Tonight - The Knockout.
Bingo starts at 7:30.
SPECIAL LIVE PERFORMANCES BY
THUNDER THIGHS
BIKE FIGHT
AND KILLERDREAMER
Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik! Go Bears!
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