Southpark did it.

10.3.2k9

A pal and i were on an onion ring kick and we tried all in the neighborhood and had to move out of the 'hood to try more. I had some surprisingly kickass 'rings while up in the PacNW this past summer, so I took us where I got the surprises: Denny's®.

Denny's®, and its sister, The International House of Pancakes®, are twin sisters. They are exactly the same. Trademark and copyright issues aside, their menus mirror one another. And their menus are the inspiration for this Venue Announcement: Their menus are awesome.

On these menus, the idea of the mashup was born. The venerable francheesie was born here. You want a reuben and a corndog together? They got it. You want the deliciousness of a Grand Slam™ breakfast with the convenience of a burrito? You bet!
You want hash and eggs but with hash browns instead of normal hash spuds? All with a layer of maple-goo? Yes sir! I swear, I've seen more crazy combinations on those menus that I thought that Doctor Moreau was real and he was working in the IHOP test kitchen. Then I learned the truth: They've got monkeys.

And not just any monkeys, they've got drunk blindfolded monkeys with darts. Here's the scoop: At the IHOP test kitchen, there's a large room with one wall covered with 8x8 glossy photographs of every simple food item on the planet IHOP. Plain cheesburger. Dish of cottage chee. Stack of pancakes. Dish of au jus. Garden salad. etc., etc. Also on the wall are 8x8s of cooking methods: Breaded and deep fried. Steamed. Pan seared. Baked. Roasted. Broasted. And they've got sauces: Red, white, cheese, caramel, chocolate and on and on and on. A food scientist gets the monkey good and liquored up, straps him onto a stool w/ a swivel seat, blindfolds him and hands him colored darts. The monkey throws all the darts and then the food scientist notes where the similarly colored darts found home, then the magic starts. A red dart on a bowl of spaghetti, meat sauce and a focaccia roll gets on the menu as a spaghetti sandwich. This is the method that brought the world the chillancakeucini: A blue dart on a bowl of chili, a short stack and a plate of fettucini. This is a true, verified story. And ...

And the onion rings sucked and I felt icky the rest of the day. The Grand Slamwich™ could have played a role in there too.


Tonight - Lone Palm.



bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!