I WILL find you!

4.4.2kXII

My son has several names.  We call him by his nickname and keep his real name for official things like airline flights and 529 plans and such.  His nickname has nicknames.  A whole list of them, actually.  I myownself have had nicknames bestowed upon me at almost every place I've ever worked.  I know people with three first names (Ken William Scott, for one), and personally think people with three first names have an edge on the rest of us.  I think a lot about names.

Since I pay attention to things like people's names I've noticed that what used to be rather rare - even in my lifetime - a woman hyphenating her maiden name and her married name (Hanna Jaffe-Walsh, for example) has become commonplace.  Practically every female NPR reporter has a hyphenated last name.  (Lourdes Garcia-Navarro, Barbara Bradley-Hagerty, Charlayne Hunter-Gault, Mary Louise-Kelly, Soraya Sarhaddi-Nelson, Ofeibea Quist-Arcton, Dina Temple-Raston and on and on and on.)  Fine with me.

What I'm not okay with is something that's becoming a trend:  Men hyphenating their last names.  I've only noticed professional athletes doing this, but what was one (a running back for some shit football team Benjarvus (wtf's w/ that name, btw) Green-Ellis), is now more and more, the latest a forward for some shitass fuckwad hockey team (Oliver Eckman-Larson)).  Pick a name and go with it.  You can't have them all.

I've done a poll and I'm in the minority on calling this bullshit.  "They're honoring their mother and father."  Horse pucky.  "They had more than two parents."  Whatever.

If I'm behind the times and I'm just a grumpy old curmudge, fine.  But skip ahead some as this trend catches fire:  Oliver Eckman-Larson's kid marries Ofeibea Quist-Arcton's kid.  What you get is Mary Eckman-Larson-Quist-Arcton.  Mary marries Benjarvus Green-Ellis and Dina Temple-Raston's kid and ya get Phil Eckman-Larson-Quist-Arcton-Green-Ellis-Temple-Raston.

If that guy marries another jerk with eight last names, what are ya gonna have?  Do the math.

Let alone if he's a left-handed relief pitcher:  How are ya gonna fit all those names on the back of a Cubs jersey?


Tonight - Homestead.


bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!