The swing ...

... of the pendulum thing.

9.3.2013

I don't know if The Onion takes submissions or suggestions for their snarky articles and/or one-liners, but I've come up with a couple recently.

I.

President Orders Nation's Flags Set To Half-Staff Permanently
Washington, D.C. - The President, citing the interval between mass shootings nearly nonexistent, orders flags at all Federal installations to be lowered to half-staff "henceforth."
"It seems that as soon as we raise the flag back to full staff, someone goes and shoots-up another group of people," he said, "and in light of the tragedy, I have to tell my guys to go back out there and lower the flags again.  They go down, back up, down again, back up for a day or two, then BANG, so down they go.  It's a colossal waste of time, raising them up just to have to lower them to half-staff again."

I could go on, but I think you get the gist.

II.  (This one is a parody of those Christian Televangelist assholes who claim that god sent that killer tornado to Oklahoma City because the state legislated same-sex marriage or some such shit.) 

Floods Ravaging Colorado "God's Punishment," Christian Group Claims

Colorado Springs, CO - Reverend A. S. Sclown, leader of the pro gun-control Plowshares Foundation today said in a press conference that the floods ravaging many parts of Colorado are "God's punishment" of the people of Colorado for recalling two pro gun-control legislators last week.  The two state senators, democrats Angela Giron of Pueblo and John Morse of Colorado Springs were recalled last week and voters replaced them with anti gun-control republicans.  "The Lord is clearly displeased with the results of the recall election," the Reverend said, "He sent these floods to express His feelings."  

It's not great, but there's something there.  Fuck it.

Tonight - Dogpatch Saloon
(a little off-the-grid, but a great old place conveniently along the T- Line)


bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!