STANDee's

4.3.2014


Of all the pub crawls I've ever been on, the day I turned 21 was the most memorable.  I didn't get totally wrecked - not that I didn't try - but we did a lot of walking and I think the physical exercise helped mitigate the 20-or-so domestic light beers (and Old Styles®).

My goal was to have a beer at every bar in walking distance from my apartment.  In Roger's Park, Chicago in 1991, there were a lot of bars fitting that description.  My pals Phil and Phil (not my other pals Phil, Phil or Phil) joined me on the trek and we had a good time at the first couple stops, being that we'd been to those bars many times before (with fake or no need for IDs at these establishments).  The farther out we got, the weirder it got, and as we made it to the outer edge of our trek, we came upon a memorable stop.

Entering, we made our way down the bar to the end near the pool tables and juke.  There were several TVs around the place and whether or not the game was the Cubs on a West Coast swing or just replays of the day's loss, I don't remember, but the Cubs were on most of the TVs.  The other TVs had hardcore gay porn on them.  At about the time I noticed the porn, I noticed that guys that were dressed like girls were coming out of both the men's and women's restrooms.  No matter.  We're in their bar, after all.

The barkeep came up and he looked the part:  Old, grey, dirty and tired.  He grumbled, "What'll ya have?" at about the same time my pal Phil noticed the TV with the porn.  (This Phil was a real mama's boy who before moving to Chicago didn't really get out much and I could tell he was on the verge of being traumatized by the gay porn.)  "What do you have on draft?"  I said, "It's my birthday!"  The keep said, "Happy Birthday and we only have cans."  I said thanks and what kind of cans do you have?  He said they're all aluminum cans and they have Bud, Miller, Coors and Old Style.  And lights of all of the above.

I said, "I'll have a Miller Lite®, please!"
Phil said, "Miller Lite®."
The other Phil choked, "Miller, ulp, Lite®."

The keep, suddenly a big, happy queen, said, "Miller Lite®!  Miller Lite®!  Miller Lite®!" and tapped once on the bar in front of Phil, Phil and me when he said it.  Then went to get our cans.  Phil and I laughed hard while the other Phil continued to have a hard time with the gay pron.

Much later, I accomplished a feat I'd done only once before and once since:  I closed the bar (another bar) at 5:30 am, went next door for pancakes, bacon, eggs and coffee, then went back to the bar when it opened again at 6 am.  It was a helluva birthday.

Tonight - Virgil's Sea Room    (as in "Sea you on the patio 'cuz it's nice outside!!)

bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!