Phoenix, AZ (REDUX)

 3.2.2016  (first published this week 2002)


ISP stories.

I got a letter the other day from Goober and Grape Bankruptcy Services. I normally shred junkmail without a second thought, but I was curious as to what all this bankruptcy was about. It seems that the bigshot ISP 1st World dot com, which acquired my old internet service provider, Sirius dot com, filed for chapter 11 and is going down. Or has gone down. I’ll tell you this, people: The fact that that company is belly-up comes as no surprise to this former customer. Sirius dot com’s service was a steamin’ pile and it only got worse when the big boy gobbled it up. It became a GIANT steamin’ pile with peanuts. Their ho-hum technical support, various service outages and assorted billing fiascos prompted the move to host my own site. That brings us to the recent events.

I’ve seen TV commercials for the telecom giant that acquired my current ISP. The spots go like this: A chic-looking lady walks into a bookstore somewhere in the Nevada desert and asks for an obscure book on philosophy. The scruffy-lookin’, MadMax-esque shopkeeper doesn’t miss a beat and asks what dialect she wants the text in. Dumbfounded she asks how it’s possible for this itty-bitty shop in the middle of nowhere has “every work ever published by anyone anywhere anytime.” Then the VO says’ “You want yer company to have this kinda bandwidth?” That’s about the time that I start puking. That’s a pretty tall claim? Isn’t it? They have another spot where a smartass guy is asking his Bates Motel clerk for a rare movie and the smarter-ass Norman Bates asks if he wants the TV edit or the director’s cut or the Soviet Government’s censored version. Again, Norm has every version of every movie ever bla bla bla. Picture me spewing forth beef-like chunks about now.

This makes me sick because it just ain’t possible. How they can advertise services that just ain’t possible is a mystery to me. Remember that one where a dude forgets his speech and his secretary across the country reads it to him as he’s at the podium? The secretary is in full-color 30fps video? On a plam pilot? BULLSHIT! How are they allowed to make these claims? With the disclaimer: All this shit you just seen ain’t really available now but we anticipate it will be some time in the future with the way our tech is kicking ass. Ugh. Chevy starts advertising flying cars and I’m burning down my TV.

Back to the subject: My ISP. If you guessed that one of the companies that makes those grandiose claims just merged with my ISP, resulting in much confusion, lost data and inaccessible accounts in recent weeks, you’re right. It makes me wonder how they think they’ll be able to serve up “any movie ever produced” if they can’t move its users’ data around without major problems. The real kick in the nuts is that I’m paying for all this “service.”

Tonight: Dogpatch Saloon.

News: Yeh, well the TNSC site is running on upgraded hardware, software and service. You can tell right away, can’t ya? Being offline for a week kinda tells you something, right? Aw, hell. Another note: Founding members are wondering why only male list members are choosing to go to meetings lately. Aside from Smith, Kay, Alaina and (nameless) no women have been attending lately. What gives? Better offers?

Tonight’s Singled-Out List Members: (your name here)
Porn Title of the Week: Mechanic on Booty (Thanks T!)

See you there! bye-ee!