Blue Hairs & Brass Knuckles

4.3.2016

One of the all-time best parental robotic emails:  (to be read in a soft, Mississippi male accent)

If you don't want more attention (a nice word for ass chewings) than you ever had in your entire life combined at once, do not ever, walk your dog to a US Post Office full of seniors on a hot afternoon in So. Fla. and leave the dog panting outside the front door.  I had to mail a document to Capt Rongaus, "Mam", guarding our country for the next 2 weeks out at Langley  AFB, Va.  I heard the dog breathing before I walked around the corner but I couldn't tell what the noise was.  Well, it was a small to medium sized black pug/bulldog mix on a leash, in the shade.  Those dogs naturally snort when breathing and "Buddy" was snorting like a freight train and panting.  Buddy's human was a
decent looking young man, late 30's I'd guess, standing in line inside.  Big judgmental error for that lad to leave Buddy outside the front door.  The senior women were on him, each and every one of them.  "Why would you do that to your dog?  Mam, we just walked 2 miles - walked to the P.O., he's OK"   That answer got him nowhere. "I want to see the Post Master" demanded one lady.  "It isn't in my jurisdiction and as far as I can tell, the dog's OK and it isn't against the law" the PM said.  She should have known better. (How many times have we heard "If it isn't in your jurisdiction, or against
the law, it should be.")

The ole crapola really hit the fan when a late arriving protagonist pointed out that Buddy had a bloody left front paw.  Meanwhile Madam PM is pointing out that only seeing eye dogs are allowed inside the PO (that answer got her no where, but she should have learned a lesson from corporate America and sent out the public relations officer to catch the spears) and Buddy's human is still getting more attention than he every wanted.  "The ASPCA will hear about this!"

One senior male, big guy, alleged that he had raised champion dogs all his life and he'd never seen anything like this.  Mind you, these folks were not whispering.  Me, I'm number 3 in the express line and praying that the clerks keep working and don't get embroiled in the fracas.  The male senior was prepared to challenge the owner guy to a duel.  I really start praying real hard now that I get out of Dodge before really serious stuff happens.  

I got to the window,  had the exact change ready and conducted my business in a split second.  However, in that short time a miracle not unlike the fishes and the loaves had occurred.  Out of nowhere Buddy's paw had been professionally bandaged and more ice and bottled water had appeared out of Lincoln Towncars and Cadillacs than Safeway stores carry.

As I burned rubber out of the parking lot the crowd was still gathered, accusations about the guy's ancestors were being hurled by the seniors -   some of the seniors allowed as how the guy was related to Buddy's mother.   I'll let you know if more serious mayhem happened.

LESSON LEARNED:  If you've got to go to the Post Office, leave your dog at home.

Tonight - Latin American Club   (Piñata enjoyment, at it's finest!!)


bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!