3.5.2017
I forget why, but I was reminded of the flight we had back from Europe ten twelve years ago.
We were over the North Atlantic, chasing the setting sun and had been at it for hours. Earlier, I had switched-on my handheld GPS and set a way point and named that way point "nowhere," as we were south of Greenland and I could see icebergs 36k feet below us.
The giant fireball eventually won the race and we were flying in the gloaming, then deep twilight, then, eventually, darkness. We still had a long way to go, so I tried to get some Zs, and when that wasn't happening, I read for a while, since my wife was able to sleep.
A while later, my light fizzled and went out. I flicked it a couple times and switched it on and off, but it was dead. I tried to change the orientation of my cool sleeper seat (we were in biz class), but the controls were not responding. I prairie-dogged my head over the row in front of me and saw the cabin crew a row or two forward. One had a panel open and was futzing with electronics inside. A couple others were consulting manuals and chattering about what they were finding in German (it was Lufthansa). It was very clear to me that something was wrong and they were trying to fix it.
In short order, a short, fat American asshole waddles up and announces, "my tee vee ain't workin'." A six and a half foot, blonde, Bavarian flight attendant eyed her, wondered how grandpa lost the war to this idiot and said, "Ve are experiencing a technical problem zat will be alleviated shortly, madam. Please kehren Sie zu ... ah ... please return to your seat." "But it won't work," said the Amerikaner, "won't turn on." "Jah, jah, ve fix," said the flight attendant.
I shook my head. "Look around, shithead," I thought, "the lights are off, nothing works, and the crew is dicking around behind panels. Your monitor is the least of their problems."
We live in this world. Little problems are bigger than big problems.
Tonight - The Homestead
(5th Thursday of the month. That's reason enough to celebrate)
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
Thursday, March 30, 2017
Thursday, March 23, 2017
Ventana (REDUX)
3.4.2017 (first published this week 2009)
One or two of you might have heard that the Chicago Cubs are considering alternate sites for their future Spring Training home. Alternate to Mesa, Arizona's Hohokam Park, run by the Mesa Hohokam tribe of, uh, Hohokams.
I go to Spring Training every year (just went: It was great! Thanks!) and I for one (?) really dig the old-timey feel of Hohokam. I also like parking in the lot owned by the white-haired lady w/ the moustache. I like the freakin-49er prospector-looking old dude hawking tickets by the canal (I think he pans the canal for ’em). I also REALLY like making fun of Mesa – what a dump! I kid Mesa. Not really. Dump.
Anyway … I would be very unhappy. And not in the way our Cubs usually make me unhappy.
Tonight - Orbit Room
(in honor of the Vernal Equinox)
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
One or two of you might have heard that the Chicago Cubs are considering alternate sites for their future Spring Training home. Alternate to Mesa, Arizona's Hohokam Park, run by the Mesa Hohokam tribe of, uh, Hohokams.
I go to Spring Training every year (just went: It was great! Thanks!) and I for one (?) really dig the old-timey feel of Hohokam. I also like parking in the lot owned by the white-haired lady w/ the moustache. I like the freakin-49er prospector-looking old dude hawking tickets by the canal (I think he pans the canal for ’em). I also REALLY like making fun of Mesa – what a dump! I kid Mesa. Not really. Dump.
Anyway … I would be very unhappy. And not in the way our Cubs usually make me unhappy.
Tonight - Orbit Room
(in honor of the Vernal Equinox)
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
Thursday, March 16, 2017
Going ... going ...
3.3.2017
I already told a couple people this story, but thinking about it still makes me laugh, so here ya go.
When you're a parent and you enroll your kid in a program, say, SCHOOL, or something, you're expected to devote some of your time to that program. So at school, you're asked to volunteer to help the various fundraising events, facility beautification events, traffic management shifts (pickup and drop off times) and the like. They keep track of when you're there. Spooky.
Another program that wants your time are the various sports programs you enroll Junior into. Soccer wants you to be a ref or a line judge. Baseball wants snack bar duty and field maintenance. We were recently solicited to turn out for field repair and maintenance prior to the start of the Spring season.
So I went over to the fields a couple Saturdays ago.
Since I've done this "volunteer" drill before, I figured it would either be well-run, with someone knowing what specific tasks were necessary, have the appropriate tools to accomplish those tasks and set the appropriate number of people to do the tasks. That or there wouldn't be anyone in charge. Someone might know what was needed to be done. There might be tools.
I drove once around the area and saw no one, but there was a game in progress, so there were cars and people. There was some activity in the batting cage. Also, over on the peewee field, there was a guy throwing soft pitches to a couple of really little kids. I didn't see anyone working anywhere.
So I was about to bag it when I saw that the activity I noticed a the batting cage included someone on a ladder, and knowing that ladders usually don't belong in batting cages, I went over to the guys there. They were there for field maintenance and they didn't expect anyone else, so they were surprised to see me. I told them I was at their disposal for a bit and they asked me to fill in gopher holes in the peewee field's outfield. They directed me to a truck full of dirt, some shovels and a wheel barrow. So I filled the barrow, wheeled it over to the field and started filling gopher holes. I filled them all the way to the fence line, because this was peewee baseball, and I saw what happens in peewee baseball: Someone hits the ball off the tee and it goes past the pitcher, through the infield, is missed by the outfielders and rolls all the way to the fence. The entire team is usually in pursuit of the ball. In other words, I know the whole field is used.
So I'm filling holes and some guy walks up and says he's there to help. I say great, and indicate that I started at the first base line and was working my way left. I had somehow managed to get between the handles of the wheel barrow and moved to give the guy room to fill the bucket he brought with the dirt in the barrow when I moved too far and tripped myself with the barrow's handles.
My momentum was pulling me over the handle and my shin really scraped along it before I kinda popped out and over it, and, very off balance and trying not to biff, gave up and went down, ass over teakettle.
I laid there, having just performed a total header in front of a perfect stranger. I said aloud, "Jesus!"
The dude asked if I was okay and I said yeah. Wasn't that graceful? And he said, and remembering what he said is what still makes me laugh, "Well you rolled out of it nicely."
Tonight - Pop's
** CASH ONLY **
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
I already told a couple people this story, but thinking about it still makes me laugh, so here ya go.
When you're a parent and you enroll your kid in a program, say, SCHOOL, or something, you're expected to devote some of your time to that program. So at school, you're asked to volunteer to help the various fundraising events, facility beautification events, traffic management shifts (pickup and drop off times) and the like. They keep track of when you're there. Spooky.
Another program that wants your time are the various sports programs you enroll Junior into. Soccer wants you to be a ref or a line judge. Baseball wants snack bar duty and field maintenance. We were recently solicited to turn out for field repair and maintenance prior to the start of the Spring season.
So I went over to the fields a couple Saturdays ago.
Since I've done this "volunteer" drill before, I figured it would either be well-run, with someone knowing what specific tasks were necessary, have the appropriate tools to accomplish those tasks and set the appropriate number of people to do the tasks. That or there wouldn't be anyone in charge. Someone might know what was needed to be done. There might be tools.
I drove once around the area and saw no one, but there was a game in progress, so there were cars and people. There was some activity in the batting cage. Also, over on the peewee field, there was a guy throwing soft pitches to a couple of really little kids. I didn't see anyone working anywhere.
So I was about to bag it when I saw that the activity I noticed a the batting cage included someone on a ladder, and knowing that ladders usually don't belong in batting cages, I went over to the guys there. They were there for field maintenance and they didn't expect anyone else, so they were surprised to see me. I told them I was at their disposal for a bit and they asked me to fill in gopher holes in the peewee field's outfield. They directed me to a truck full of dirt, some shovels and a wheel barrow. So I filled the barrow, wheeled it over to the field and started filling gopher holes. I filled them all the way to the fence line, because this was peewee baseball, and I saw what happens in peewee baseball: Someone hits the ball off the tee and it goes past the pitcher, through the infield, is missed by the outfielders and rolls all the way to the fence. The entire team is usually in pursuit of the ball. In other words, I know the whole field is used.
So I'm filling holes and some guy walks up and says he's there to help. I say great, and indicate that I started at the first base line and was working my way left. I had somehow managed to get between the handles of the wheel barrow and moved to give the guy room to fill the bucket he brought with the dirt in the barrow when I moved too far and tripped myself with the barrow's handles.
My momentum was pulling me over the handle and my shin really scraped along it before I kinda popped out and over it, and, very off balance and trying not to biff, gave up and went down, ass over teakettle.
I laid there, having just performed a total header in front of a perfect stranger. I said aloud, "Jesus!"
The dude asked if I was okay and I said yeah. Wasn't that graceful? And he said, and remembering what he said is what still makes me laugh, "Well you rolled out of it nicely."
Tonight - Pop's
** CASH ONLY **
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
Thursday, March 09, 2017
Guess What? (REDUX)
3.2.2017 (first published this month, 2001)
I was walkin' through the lobby at work the other day and there was someone walkin' behind me. They were making some jingley noises. I figured it had to be either Santa or a dog. I'll never know because I didn't turn around to look. I've been doing that sort of thing recently: Leaving things a mystery. Like the other day I turned off the TV with five minutes to go in the third period when the Sharks and Kings were tied at two goals each. Who won? Don't know. I threw out a "to go" container without looking in it. What was it? Delicious curry fried rice or moldy penne? That's an unknown too. I did the old Drawing 101 trick: Blind sketching. Here one draws or sketches a subject without looking down at the paper. So I didn't look down at the paper while I was sketching my cat and, well, I didn't look at the finished product. I finished and then wadded up the paper and chucked it. All I know it coulda been a masterpiece.
I figure this is a good way to add some random intrigue or excitement into one's life. Not saying that my life is devoid of intrigue or excitement ... far from it! I'm just a little sick of the Information Age. Everything at one's fingertips. A search engine away from the knowing the phase of the moon, if that sniper movie's any good, how to de-vein shrimp, why shampoo farmers hate bunnys, etc. Screw that. I'd rather figure it out myself or not know.
Oh, and about them bunnys ... it's a good thing we got experts on the list. Now I know why shampoo farmers hate bunnys.
Tonight: Benders. (by request)
**CASH ONLY**
The Robot might have messed up some folks' addresses and such last week and Robot's sorta sorry. Reprogrammed now, Robot will get it right sometime soon. Mark new to the list. Check out the new TNSC Rant Section. Chit-chat with other list members and enjoy the ad banners. Find link below.
Send your non-public comments to: tnsc@therein-lies.com
TONIGHT'S CONTEST: Longtime list member Sue Erokan challenges the entire TNSC to a Bellydance marathon. "Till you drop!" she says. Miss Erokan does bring a distinct advantage: She and her dance toupe bellydance every Thursday night at 8:45 at Kanzaman in the Haight.
TONIGHT'S DRAMATIC REENACTMENT: (3rd installment in TNSC's salute to the silver screen.) The fistfight scene from They Live (Universal, 1988). Earth's population is being taken over by creepy skull faced ... aliens (?) and they're clever enough to transmit some force-field that disguises their appearance to the unsuspecting humans. Fortunately, some scientist has devised sunglasses that filter the transmissions, exposing the beasties for what they are. Our hero, played by Rowdy Roddy Piper, tries to get another good-guy, Kieth David, to put on the glasses and see the light (so to speak). But when Kieth David doesn't want to put on the glasses, what ensues is the longest, wackiest fistfight ever filmed. Our players: Kathleen plays Nada (Piper's character); Lamey plays Frank (David's character); and Jay Herda plays the glasses.
TONIGHT'S SINGLED-OUT LIST MEMBER: Jerry Castro. Keywords: Birthday, wallet.
(If you've got other plans tonight ... cancel them! Get over to Benders and hoist one with your TNSC pals. I know I will. See you there!
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
I was walkin' through the lobby at work the other day and there was someone walkin' behind me. They were making some jingley noises. I figured it had to be either Santa or a dog. I'll never know because I didn't turn around to look. I've been doing that sort of thing recently: Leaving things a mystery. Like the other day I turned off the TV with five minutes to go in the third period when the Sharks and Kings were tied at two goals each. Who won? Don't know. I threw out a "to go" container without looking in it. What was it? Delicious curry fried rice or moldy penne? That's an unknown too. I did the old Drawing 101 trick: Blind sketching. Here one draws or sketches a subject without looking down at the paper. So I didn't look down at the paper while I was sketching my cat and, well, I didn't look at the finished product. I finished and then wadded up the paper and chucked it. All I know it coulda been a masterpiece.
I figure this is a good way to add some random intrigue or excitement into one's life. Not saying that my life is devoid of intrigue or excitement ... far from it! I'm just a little sick of the Information Age. Everything at one's fingertips. A search engine away from the knowing the phase of the moon, if that sniper movie's any good, how to de-vein shrimp, why shampoo farmers hate bunnys, etc. Screw that. I'd rather figure it out myself or not know.
Oh, and about them bunnys ... it's a good thing we got experts on the list. Now I know why shampoo farmers hate bunnys.
Tonight: Benders. (by request)
**CASH ONLY**
The Robot might have messed up some folks' addresses and such last week and Robot's sorta sorry. Reprogrammed now, Robot will get it right sometime soon. Mark new to the list. Check out the new TNSC Rant Section. Chit-chat with other list members and enjoy the ad banners. Find link below.
Send your non-public comments to: tnsc@therein-lies.com
TONIGHT'S CONTEST: Longtime list member Sue Erokan challenges the entire TNSC to a Bellydance marathon. "Till you drop!" she says. Miss Erokan does bring a distinct advantage: She and her dance toupe bellydance every Thursday night at 8:45 at Kanzaman in the Haight.
TONIGHT'S DRAMATIC REENACTMENT: (3rd installment in TNSC's salute to the silver screen.) The fistfight scene from They Live (Universal, 1988). Earth's population is being taken over by creepy skull faced ... aliens (?) and they're clever enough to transmit some force-field that disguises their appearance to the unsuspecting humans. Fortunately, some scientist has devised sunglasses that filter the transmissions, exposing the beasties for what they are. Our hero, played by Rowdy Roddy Piper, tries to get another good-guy, Kieth David, to put on the glasses and see the light (so to speak). But when Kieth David doesn't want to put on the glasses, what ensues is the longest, wackiest fistfight ever filmed. Our players: Kathleen plays Nada (Piper's character); Lamey plays Frank (David's character); and Jay Herda plays the glasses.
TONIGHT'S SINGLED-OUT LIST MEMBER: Jerry Castro. Keywords: Birthday, wallet.
(If you've got other plans tonight ... cancel them! Get over to Benders and hoist one with your TNSC pals. I know I will. See you there!
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
Thursday, March 02, 2017
Mongols and Angels (REDUX)
3.1.2017 (first posted this week 2007)
All things considered, long drives are not all that bad. Things can happen to make them bad, mind you, and those things don't have to be blown tires, running outta gas and multi-vehicle pile-ups - the obvious things that make drives bad. No, other things can foul a road trip.
For example, the Quicky Mart in the middle of nowhere has some halfassed facsimile of a SlimJim for sale rather than the real McCoy. I hate imposter SlimJims! Also: People who don't know how to drive on a highway will make it bad. These dopes camp out in the passing lane making everyone who needs to pass THEM pass on the right. That's never a good idea. Closely related are the fucking IDIOTS that either don't have or don't use their cruise control and do not maintain a steady speed. The guy will pull close and pass you, only to then slow and need to be passed himself. Then he wakes up and hits the gas. Back and forth over forty miles gets ya down.
The Nice Dualie game will make a long drive fun. As will an iPod adapter, a Thermos of coffee, a blanket for the missus and several of the aforementioned authentic SlimJims. A friendly guy behind the counter at the remote Quicky Mart is a treat too (most them folks are ornery).
I came across a friendly counterman just this past weekend at the Essex Oasis in the Mohave Desert 'round Laughlin way. There's a sign on his counter that says, "Pls do not complain to the staff about the price of the fuel! It's expensive to operate this shithole way out here, dig?" I had noticed that gas was nearly four bucks a gallon, but as I was getting kinda itchy about the needle's position on my gas guage, I didn't give a shit. I said, "ya get a lot of these California shitheads moanin' about the prices, eh?" He said, "you wouldn't believe. It costs us more to get it trucked here. We ain't robbin' anyone, we just gotta make our operating costs." I told him I get it, then I pointed out a fact: "Seems that all the rest of yr prices are pretty normal. Look here, SlimJims are 99 cents. Cokes are 75. Them buns or whatever in the case are probably two for a buck, huh?" He said, "They're THREE for a buck. heh. For you and yr lovely lady, though, I'll give ya FOUR for a buck." "Sold," I said, "and a handful of these SlimJims and a couple of Cokes."
The buns gave me gas.
Tonight - Dogpatch Saloon.
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
All things considered, long drives are not all that bad. Things can happen to make them bad, mind you, and those things don't have to be blown tires, running outta gas and multi-vehicle pile-ups - the obvious things that make drives bad. No, other things can foul a road trip.
For example, the Quicky Mart in the middle of nowhere has some halfassed facsimile of a SlimJim for sale rather than the real McCoy. I hate imposter SlimJims! Also: People who don't know how to drive on a highway will make it bad. These dopes camp out in the passing lane making everyone who needs to pass THEM pass on the right. That's never a good idea. Closely related are the fucking IDIOTS that either don't have or don't use their cruise control and do not maintain a steady speed. The guy will pull close and pass you, only to then slow and need to be passed himself. Then he wakes up and hits the gas. Back and forth over forty miles gets ya down.
The Nice Dualie game will make a long drive fun. As will an iPod adapter, a Thermos of coffee, a blanket for the missus and several of the aforementioned authentic SlimJims. A friendly guy behind the counter at the remote Quicky Mart is a treat too (most them folks are ornery).
I came across a friendly counterman just this past weekend at the Essex Oasis in the Mohave Desert 'round Laughlin way. There's a sign on his counter that says, "Pls do not complain to the staff about the price of the fuel! It's expensive to operate this shithole way out here, dig?" I had noticed that gas was nearly four bucks a gallon, but as I was getting kinda itchy about the needle's position on my gas guage, I didn't give a shit. I said, "ya get a lot of these California shitheads moanin' about the prices, eh?" He said, "you wouldn't believe. It costs us more to get it trucked here. We ain't robbin' anyone, we just gotta make our operating costs." I told him I get it, then I pointed out a fact: "Seems that all the rest of yr prices are pretty normal. Look here, SlimJims are 99 cents. Cokes are 75. Them buns or whatever in the case are probably two for a buck, huh?" He said, "They're THREE for a buck. heh. For you and yr lovely lady, though, I'll give ya FOUR for a buck." "Sold," I said, "and a handful of these SlimJims and a couple of Cokes."
The buns gave me gas.
Tonight - Dogpatch Saloon.
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
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