Except for the ring of the truncheon thing

5.2.2017

I saw a flatfoot walking the street in Venice the other day.  He was putting flyers on windshields of parked cars reminding drivers to:

• Lock their doors
• Roll up their windows
• Don't leave packages or luggage in plain sight
• Remember that thieves are everywhere and they're coming for your shit

Okay, so I made up the last one, but it's correct. But anyway, I got the same flyer on my windshield last week and those of us at work that also got the flyer wondered if it was legit or a weird Jedi mind trick employed by those very thieves that wanted you to do the opposite of the reminded instructions.

No, the copper said, they were real police reminders.  I asked him if I could bug him with an unrelated question.  He was down.

I said that I've seen people driving 55mph and such down residential streets.  Others blowing through crosswalks while people were in them.  I asked him if I got the tag numbers and a description of the car, could I call the cops on them.  He said, "well ... no."

He explained that if I were to call 911, by the time the call was answered and a unit dispatched, the vehicle would either be long gone or probably stuck in LA's choked traffic, so the cops couldn't do anything.

I asked him if there was anything at all they could do.  "It's a real problem," I explained.

He said that unless the driver tried to hit you, the LAPD could do nothing.  If they swerved and tried to hit you, that qualified as assault with a deadly weapon (the car) and they'd be glad to arrest the driver, impound the car, sell it at auction, burn down their house, turn out their families, loot their bank accounts, defile their parents' graves and so on.

"And," he continued, "we'd be glad to shoot every unarmed person we could."

I stared a him a sec, feeling very uneasy.  I was unarmed.  Did he know that?  Was he reaching for his service weapon?

"I GOT YOU," he gleefully exclaimed.  "I got you, I got you!  You should see your face!"

I beat it the hell out of there.

Tonight - Doc's Clock
(before time is up in their current space)
** CASH ONLY**


bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!