I am not a plant. (REDUX)

6.4.2017 (originally posted this week 2001)

Ya hear of Fong Schway? Well I dug up a little primer on the trend at a local used book store. It's supposed to enhance the flow of positive energy in yer home. You chuck a mirror here, throw a windchime there, plug in a gurgly fountain and you're off to better livin'! Well I don't know about that. Mirrors tend to confuse, windchimes piss off neighbors and those fuckin' fountains ain't nothin' but algae ponds for the cats to drink up and puke. The trend is pretty hot, though. Some folks making a bunch of dough off suckers dumb enough to believe the arrangement of your sofa and chair can affect the Positive Energy in your place. The Fongers call this Positive Energy "chi." The Fongers go around the house with a bunch of sticks glued together that they say can identify the "Relationship Corner" and the "Wealth Corner" and such. Then you shove a cut-glass crystal in that corner and bingo, yer old lady ain't gonna leave you and you hit all six Lotto numbers. This little book was really informative.

The last part said that there was wide latitude for interpreting the "chip" ... or "chi" rather ... but it was careful to point out that your bunch of sticks better be glued together right or you risked the relatively unknown phenom of Fong Schwit. This is where your windchime, if placed in the "wrong" place, will bring the fuckin' sky down on ya. Yer dog'll run off, yer daughter will get knocked up and you'll lose your shirt at the track. Then your car will break down on the way home. That kind of nasty shit. Don't fuck with the Fong Schwit.

The last chapter, or more accurately, the addendum focused on the new school of Fong Schway called Fong Schwing. That seems to me at least to be the most believable. That part says that the placement of domestic light beer and rock and roll CD's and remote controls in proximity to where you're sitting will enhance the harmony of the room. I have some problems with the mirror and fountain placement nonsense, but the Fong Schwing kinda rules. I suppose I've been livin' the vida Fong Shwing for a while now, which is nice.

Tonight - The Homestead
note:  We're half way thru the TNSC calendar year already!!


John Metsker won last week's Find the Reference! (The title of the VA was "19.07 g/cc." That's the density of Uranium. Wow! Easy!) He will enjoy a lovely prize. (An out-of-state subscriber also won. He too will enjoy a lovely prize.)

Now then. Who wants delicious drinks in a stylish location? Who wants to enjoy these things with lovely List Members? If you do, like I do, you're in luck! All that unfolds before us tonight. I'll bring my friends and see you there.

bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!