Thumbscrews

2.3.2018

Did I ever tell the story about the hospital collections dept calling me one day and was geared-up for a fight to get her dough only to read the amount, stumble and start swearing about their recent software update?  No?

The phone rang.  I answered and a bulldog asked if it was me.  I said yep.  Bulldog said, "This is the collections department of Bisbee General Hospital."  She had the voice of an pissed-off enforcer who only called shifty deadbeats who dodged her calls, or made empty promises to pay or had every excuse under the sun.  She'd heard it all and wasn't going to take any shit.  The time for "pleases" and "thank yous" was over.  No more Miss Nice Bulldog.  She continued, " You have an UNPAID, OVERDUE balance owed to the hospital!  The UNPAID BALANCE is in the amount of ... "  She choked on whatever she was about to say.  "uh ... You have a balance ... " Her voice was one of total confusion. "You ... Oh god damn it!" she said.

From the moment I said yep I just sat there and listened to her.  I was interested in hearing the way she talked and knew immediately the kind of jerk she usually has to call.  I also knew that I didn't owe her anything.

She composed herself, "Okay.  I'm so sorry.  I didn't read your file.  You have an unpaid balance of $6.  Our system is not supposed to elevate the account to collections for amounts under $20.  We had a god damn systems "upgrade" six months ago and we're still trying to sort out some bugs.  I'm really sorry to have bothered you."

I told her that it was okay.  I'd always wondered what an approach to trying to get money from someone over the phone sounded like.  She laughed, 'Yeah, ya gotta be an asshole from the start."  I said, "well no offense, but you nailed that."  She laughed again, "Ha.  No offense taken.  I trained hard to get that, uh, hard."

I asked her if she'd talk more like that and she said no.

Tonight - St. Mary's Pub (1 time!! 2 different requests)

Kickin' it Bernal/ Missio .

bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!