TNSC (REDUX)

5.5.2019  (first published this week 2002)


Wanna know a sure-fire way to ruin your day? Pull a muscle in your neck. There's nothing like it. If you're used to being comfortable and mobile, forget it. A sore neck torpedoes comfort and mobility.

Sometimes a sore neck sure seems nice, though.

TNSC Venue: The Homestead

News: Robot is out of town for two weeks starting Tuesday. Moss has got the con.

bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!

Enlarged to show texture (REDUX)

5.4.2019  (first posted this week 2001)


"What was I thinking?"
I ask myself that a lot. When I think about it, I've been asking myself that for years.
"What was I thinking when ...
... I threw that rock?" (The smashed sliding-glass door really pissed everybody off.)
... I drove away?" (I used to drive.)
... I kissed that girl?" (No comment.)
... I lit that bicycle seat on fire?" (No lie. I lit a bike on fire.)
... I turned down that job?" (Sheesh. Things would be peachy.)
... I took that job?" (No comment.)
... I said that shit?" (Ugh. My big mouth gets me in some pretty deep holes.)
... I pissed off that rattlesnake?" (e-yep!)
... I drank the whole goddang thing?" (Said that a lot.)
... I ate the whole goddang thing?" (Said that a lot too.)
... I answered that door?"
... I called back?"
... I mailed the frikkin' thing in?"
... I spent so much dough on that piece of shit?"
... I didn't throw that thing out?"

Thinkin' up all that kinda soured my mood. Gotta think of something nice. Hmmmmm. Oh yeah. Starin' right at me. M&M's. Them suckers are crowd pleasers. Plain, peanut. You try them crispy ones yet? They're good! Contrary to their advertising, though, I can get 'em to melt in my hands. I don't hang on to them very long, either. Anyway ... I know you've all been desperate to know my M&M ritual ... so here ya go. Disclosed for the first time ... ever: Take four peanut M&M's of the same color (Very important to the ritual, them being the same color. Don't ask why). Pop one in your mouth and leave it there until the shell is all but gone and the chockey is soft. Then ya chew it up and repeat the process. Four M&M's is all you'll need. Here's the kicker. (It's kind of similar to "Beer Hunter.") You ritualistically eat the four M&M's, and while you're enjoying the candy portion of the experience, you're also trying to avoid the dreaded "tainted peanut". There's roughly one "tainted peanut" in every four peanut M&M's. The goal is to not let the "tainted peanut" be the last one you eat. So's you don't have the "tainted peanut" aftertaste. It really pisses me off to get the "tainted peanut" on the last one. Here's what doesn't piss me off:

Tonight: Lone Palm
By Request / Special out-of-town guests!


TONIGHT'S CONTEST: Contests tonight are the peanut M&M ritual and "Beer Hunter.*" *Participants please bring a six-pack.

TONIGHT'S DRAMATIC REENACTMENT: Finally enjoying relief from his bout with achey-breaky ass, Jeremy plays the catapult in tonight's dramatic reenactment of that dude in England who built that big-ass catapult and flings stuff all over his farm's pastures. Yes, that's right ... this eccentric farmer-engineer used medieval technology to build a catapult capable of throwing HEAVY objects many hundreds of yards down range. Our players: Jeremy = the catapult; (nameless) and Dee = the English countryside; Freshy = the nutty farmer. Playing the "things getting hurled:" Moss = grand piano; Chef = an outhouse; Bishop = a pickup truck; Mrs. Alan Chimenti = a flaming bale of hay; Jason = two hundred cases of Sierra Nevada (ick); and Big Dave Parker plays a palette of Costco crap (that nicely shrink-wrapped pile of snacks comes apart real nice when whipped into the stratosphere by that midieval catapult!).

TONIGHT'S SINGLED-OUT LIST MEMBERS: Two list members singled-out tonight: Chris Hamilton. Birthday. yay! Happy Bday, Chris. Gift ideas include: Chicken-leg-shaped tofu, fuel injectors, pledges, paperwork, IT professionals, handlebar tape and tickets to Shellac. Also singled-out: Bruce Newman. He has a dog named Homer.

bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!

who, what, when, where, why, how (REDUX)

5.3.2019 (first posted this week 19 years ago)

Answers below:

You delightful members of the Thursday Night Social Club.

Tonight's meeting.

Tonight.

500 Club.

Because it's Thursday.

Walk, bus, bike, hang glide ... jes git there.


500 Club is located here: 500 Guerrero at 17th St. No need for a map, old man Rosey is out of town. The rest of you don't seem to need hand-holding. Don't expect a map next week either. He'll still be gone.

At 9:30 tonight, our friend Cameron's band is playing at Amnesia. Cover is free. I think. I can't remember. Amnesia is located on Valencia, between 19th and 20th. I think. I can't remember.

Some list members haven't attended a meeting for a long time. This is an observation. Is there a compelling reason why they should still be on the list? Your thoughts on this.

Tonight's Contests: Secret Santa, apple bobbing, balloon art, arm wrestling.

NEW WEEKLY EVENT: Arts and Crafts!! This week's Art's and Crafts: Cork and wire.

NEW WEEKLY EVENT: Single Out a List Member!! This week's singled-out list member: Serena Warner

Bye for now!

Not All Mushrooms... (REDUX)

5.2.2019 (first posted this week 2001)


Which one of you lovely List Members has a journal that you'd like to share with the group? I figure some or all of you have some pretty great stories. The great thing about a journal is the "as it is happening" phenomenon. You got a date, you got a story. "15 July 1987. What a bummer. I went to see Love and Rockets and that babe Caroline was there. Dang I want to kiss her ... " Later you look back at your journal and maybe you never kissed her, ever, or you kissed her a week later and she was a terrible kisser. Or a great kisser and you dated her all summer, only to get dumped for the joker that played the Scarecrow in the school's rendition of "The Wiz." My point is that the date is the key. Mebbe you remember that you had a great chili dog a few summers back, but yer journal sez: "31 August '96. Had the best goddamn chili dog ... ever!" and now it ain't a few summers, it's exactly ... er ... a lot of days ago. Yeh, well ... Okay. Now here's what I really like: The events you don't need a journal to remind you of the dates. I remember exactly what I was doing nine years ago today. I was having drinks. A lot of them. The difference is that I was all dressed up in a suit and getting smashed at a fancy restaurant in downtown Chicago with my best friends and family. I had me a cap and gown and a little later - still pretty well oiled, mind you - this Jesuit priest handed over a diploma. That's right, I done grad-ye-ated me from college nine years ago today. I remember it like it was yesterday. That's an expression that's always bugged me but sometimes it's appropriate. It snowed overnight and early in the morning, but at noon it was pushing 80 (WILD temp fluctuations in Spring in Chi) and all the snow was melting. It was something else. Anyhoo ... it occurs to me that I haven't been in a classroom for nine years. No more teachers, dirty looks, books, pencils and such. That rules! Those obnoxious "taking a test you're not ready for" dreams have all but gone away too. When I do have one, though, I've been able to work my way through it. I'm all stressed because I know I haven't studied for the sucker and I go in and sit down anyway, and start writing a bunch of nonsense in the blue book then think - hey! I'm not IN SCHOOL anymore, dammit! I don't have to take this dumb test. ha! That's a treat.

Tonight: Lucky 13 (by request)
(Happy 25th Anniversary!!  **CASH ONLY**
News: Bruce is new to the list. Welcome Bruce! Remember, list members, send your non-public comments to: tnsc@therein-lies.com

TONIGHT'S CONTEST: Hey! The subscription routine was so fun the Founding Members have decided to run it all over again! The original list was scrapped so we could do this. The new list is called venue-announcement@therein-lies.com PLEASE SIGN UP AGAIN to qualify to win a valuable prize. Click this link here, then send the email message and you're signed up! Yay!

TONIGHT'S DRAMATIC REENACTMENT: Tonight's Dramatic Reenactment is cancelled due to illness. Jeremy has an achey-breaky ass and he was to play the catapult. It will return next week.

TONIGHT'S SINGLED-OUT LIST MEMBER: Dee. I figure she'll forget the dough I owe her if I do her the Supreme Honor of singling her out. Thanks Dee!


bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!

Bad Math (REDUX)

5.1.2019  (first posted this week 2002)

I’ve regressed in a fairly important skill. I don’t remember the regression’s catalyst, or its duration to now, but I know now that it’s real: I got me a real problem with shoelaces.

It must have been kindergarten, or maybe even earlier, that my peers and I were forced, cajoled and ridiculed into learning how to tie shoelaces. I remember there was a little song or poem or rhyme about a rabbit running around a doghouse and ducking into a sewerpipe: Symbolic of the loops and knots and such. I remember there were two twin girls that could tie each other’s shoes but not their own. I didn’t have any trouble tying shoes. Didn’t need a corny rhyme or anything. It was a simple, repeatable process and it was within my young person’s capacity. That don’t explain why I’ve developed such a problem lately.

My problem lies in the untying part of the process. Tying is fine and has been but I make a mess out of untying. I end up tying the laces into little itty-bitty knots. Tight knots. Often, I’m balancing on one leg while trying to untie. I might get one shoe off clean, but the other I grab the wrong end that’s found its way through a loop, pull and render a knot. Then I lose balance and fall on head.
It doesn’t help that I routinely change my shoes at least three times a day: On with the bike shoes, off with the bike shoes. On with the regular shoes, off. On with the bike shoes again, off. Regular, off. I will turf one of the untyings fairly bad, but I will royally screw another one and end up falling over.

Two things going for me: The geeks at University of Bisbee just published Shoe Lace Untying Made Easy. Talk about timing! The other thing: My slippers are slip on!

Tonight: Doc's Clock 
(by request - **CASH ONLY**)

News: Doc's is the new/old bar that’s taken residence in the carcass of some old store down the street from where it was before. Happy Birthday Bishop.

Tonight’s Singled-Out List Member: Tama

bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!