Buick (REDUX)

7.4.2019  (first posted this week 2000)

I am going to cancel my cable TV subscription, and that's official. I've had it up to here paying for a service that I'm not satisfied with. Last night? NOTHING ON. There was a boring Giants game. There are 50-odd other channels and there was nuthin.' Zip. I turned the sucker off and cleaned the cat box. But check out what's on tonight on channel HOMESTEAD: The Thursday Night Social Club! Starring ... (cut and paste long list of list members here). This is "reality television" at its finest, folks. To enjoy, tune into channel:

The HOMESTEAD

Happy July B-Day to the “3 J’s” (Joan, Jay, and Jason)

C’mon out and raise a glass of cheer!!

New to the list this week is Tony Pezzella. Hi Tony. Now then, several hundred of you list members have written in to complain about the cancellation of THIS WEEK'S ARTS & CRAFTS. Comments ranged from pleas and begging to nostalgic waxing to hostility and threats of hostage-taking if A'n C is not restored. List Member Chris Weldon wrote: "I have great memories of making mashed potato sculpture with Jimi Simmons. We modeled his truck. We used ketchup to make the taters red. I'm sorry to see my old friend, THIS WEEK'S ARTS AND CRAFTS, go away." Another note, from longtime List Member Jim Rose (Not to be confused with ROSEY), was decidedly venomous: "The self-appointed "Founding Members' can %$@# my %$#&!! Who gives a %$# about some %$#^%$# feud? Carl and Todd want to fight - let 'em!! (Ed. note, see "DEW" (6.2.2K) and "Rosey" (7.1.2K).) Bring back A'n C you bunch of %$#%$!! We never got around to tie-dying!! What the %$#%# am I supposed to do with all this RITT???" For the record, this Founding Member would love to have A'n C back. I was outvoted 3 to 1. The good news is that TNSC is unveiling a brand new weekly event! In the TNSC tradition, it will be full of fun, excitement and gut-shaking thrills for all. Here it is, hope you like it: TONIGHT'S DRAMATIC REENACTMENT: Yow! Think about the tons of things that can be dramatically reenacted. We're going to kick off this exciting new event with a doozy.

TONIGHT'S DRAMATIC REENACTMENT: THE FIRST DOG IN SPACE. Moss will be playing Laika, who, on 3 November 1957, rode Sputnik II (played by Woody) into orbit of the Earth (Jerry Castro), becoming the first animal in space. Anna will be portraying the pressurized cabin and Kenny Solomon is in the role of Vladimir Sjevjenko Parasjovsinski, the tough-as-nails-yet-loveable Ground Control chief / dog trainer. This ought to salve those A'n C wounds.

TONIGHT'S CONTEST: Spitting contest. (Thank Lee Lee The Musical Bee for this charmer.)

TONIGHT'S SINGLED-OUT LIST MEMBER: John Volny. Why not try for a John Volny record two-in-a-row, John?

The races scheduled for this weekend are cancelled. The monkeys were all dead in the shipping crate. I'm thinking FULL REFUND.

Team Bjeldanes is Two and Oh. Oh yeah. The game one opponent no-show and the stifling "D" of the nightcap gives us a big 2-0. Can you say First Place? Tune yer sets into Channel Homestead tonight at 7/7:30. Bring your pals. Who else misses Kurdrajevskaya? bye-ee!


bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!