Backwards K (REDUX)

8.5.2019  (first posted this week 2001)

Founding member and Linkey-Loo coordinator Alan J. Chimenti suggested that I call and ask some of the venues that the TNSC descends upon for a little something back, what with the hundreds of drinks we pour down our throats and the generous tips we often throw down onto the bar. I thought about it for a good hour or two. Came up with a few reasons for, a few against. The pros were more compelling than the cons so I had at the phonebook, jotted down some numbers and let ‘er rip. Results:

Li Po: (Last visited 28 June 2001)
Some fella answered didn’t know anything about no TNSC. I told him we had a lame ass turnout when we went there but we might do better we had us some scratch. He said he might budge if he knew I wasn’t jerking his chain … that I was a real customer. I tried to prove we were there by describing in oozing detail the fucking gross whore who ate our pizza and spiked her ginger-ale-no-ice with whatever was in her hip flask. I don’t think that was what he wanted to hear because he screamed something about Buddha Bar and slammed down the phone. Strike one.

Lucky 13: (Last visited 21 June 2001)
I asked the lady who answered the phone if she was covered with tattoos of birds. She said shit yeah and I said I was in a few Thursdays back with the drinkin’ club. I was the one who killed the PBR stash. She said: “Oh yeh,” and I asked her if the truck brought more yet. She said: “Everyday,” then she asked if we were comin’ back in and I said: “Yeh, well, mebbe you ought to do a buy one PBR, get one PBR free thing. That kinda deal would make a visit hard to resist.” She thought about it for a minute then said, “Well I can’t do buy one PBR, get one PBR free but I could do a buy one poppy jaspar get two free; or buy one Boddington’s, get six pints free; or how ‘bout buy one Sierra Nevada, get a case free.” I screamed like a girl and threw the phone out the window. Strike two.

POW! (Last visited 03 May 2001)
After retrieving the phone, I dialed up one of the TNSC’s fave bars. Someone answered, I guess, but I couldn’t hear a goddamn thing, because of the earsplitting volume of the DJ. I couldn’t even tell if anyone said anything like, “hello.” Hung up. Foul tip. Still 0-2.

Sadie’s Flying Elephant: (Last visited 25 January 2001)
Down in the count, I ring up the pachyderm. The lady answers and says yeh she remembers us. This is after I identify myself and claim to be in the group that laughed like hell when Barry Bonds struck out looking to end the playoff game last October (see 10.1.2k). “You damn-near got yer heads taken off by some fellas didn’t like you laughing at Bonds,” she said. I said: “What were they expecting? Bonds to come through in October? Please … the guy’s a cock.” She agreed then asked what the fuck I wanted. I want free beer and not Grolsch or Bitburger or Sierra or any shit like that. She said what the fuck’s the matter with those other beers. I told her that they were really really gross and if you drank fifteen you’d be as big as a house and have a wicked skull ache. She agreed then said no fucking way. “Free popcorn,” she said, “and a bunch of crap to put on it.” Fair enough. I figure that counts for an infield single.

That said, tonight's destinatio is:  The Homestead.
It's Heather Lake's Birthday!!  C'mon out and toast her in person!

News: You lovely list members have exactly one week from today to come up with TNSC code names. If you don’t submit one, you will be assigned one. The Founding Members have decreed that at meetings and in Official TNSC communications we will refer to each other using official code names. Submit via email here: Code Name
No other news.

Comments: tnsc@therein-lies.com

TONIGHT'S CONTEST: Find the reference!

Last Week’s Contest results: Founding Member and Linkey Loo coordinator Alan J. Chimenti almost disqualified himself from winning the contest because he refused to go through proper channels of submitting his answer. He first tried telling me. No. Then he emailed to an alternate address. No again. Only then did he click on the link to officially submit his answer, which was correct. The VA’s title, “Duke of Chicago” was a film in which DeForest Kelley, mentioned in the VA, starred. That was the reference. Congrats. He enjoyed a lovely prize.

Dramatic reenactment: Filling in for Tonight’s Dramatic reenactment is Tonight’s Satanic Word: Official

TONIGHT'S SINGLED-OUT LIST MEMBER: (nameless) Miller. She used to live next door to Sadie’s. And she’s cute.

PORN TITLE OF THE WEEK: Can't You Just Fuck Me and Go Home? (Porn Title of the Week coordinator Tama’s new fave title. And why not?)

No excuses. You must pop in for a pop at The Homestead. We’re going for a new record. Parking abounds, so designate a driver and get over. Bring your friends. I know I will. See you there! See my sister there!

bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!