Shut My Mouth! (REDUX)

9.4.2019  (first posted this week 2000)

Now believe it or not, and I've been known to lie, but this here's a true story.

Back in the Age of Sail, the days of the tall ships - the Man o'War, the galleon, the schooner - sailors relied on cats to do some of their dirtiest work. Hoards of rats and mice would tightrope-walk the mooring lines along the docks, eager to feast on the stores of grain and other food in the holds of the ships. Cats were very effective exterminators. They would rid the ship of vermin. In port or on the high seas, they followed the predatory role nature designed for them. Following the reverence the Ancient Egyptians had for cats, sailors treated their cats very well and held them in high regard. Seafaring cats played a lesser-known role, too: they would hear the confessions of the condemned man. Many of the ships had neither the room or supplies for a priest, cleric, monk or other such holy man who could not or would not pull his own weight. A religious lot, sailors doomed to walk the plank, hang from the yard-arm or be keel-hauled were desperate for an ear to hear their reconciliation. As it was bad luck for a layman to do such, the next obvious choice were the ship's cats. They could appear to be attentive listeners and trusted to never reveal what they've heard. It was not uncommon for the prisoner, in his last hours, to share the brig with as many as 50 cats.

For this week's meeting I'll be drowning my blues with the black cats at:

The Homestead

There ain't nobody new to the list. No one got booted, as per the new nobody-gets-booted dealio. A lot of complaints about the web-based TNSC meeting announcement. Overheard: "Poor user interface," "unintuitive," "confusing." Okey then. You can have your precious underlined links. More comments being accepted here.

Tonight's Contest: Piping-hot-coffee chug-a-lug. ow.

Tonight's Dramatic Reenactment: The "Death" of Ben "Obi-Wan" Kenobi.

In an attempt to allow a small band of rebels - including a princess, a pirate, a couple of gay robots and a bumpkin - to escape the ominous space station known as the "Death Star," an aged warrior selflessly sacrifices his corporeal body to his nemesis, the sinister "Darth Vader." It turns out, though, that the villain's "light saber" renders "Obi-Wan" more powerful than the evil one knows. Our players: Serena Warner plays "Obi-Wan," Uriah plays "Darth Vader," Lee Lee the Musical Bee plays the pirate, Teensy plays the princess, Rob Bonstin plays one of the gay robots, Jimi Simmons plays the other, April plays the bumpkin and Mrs. Alan Chimenti plays the role of the "Death Star." Clint plays some dude named George.

Tonight's Singled-Out List Member: Me. I single myself out because I've been bad. I have the headache to prove it. Spell check just caught me spelling "prove" with two o's. Yeouch.

Bring yer cats. Bring yer friends' cats. See you there. bye-ee!

bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!

The Twisted Spoke (REDUX)

9.3.2019 (first posted this week 2004)

Next time you need to get fixin's for Bloody Marys you get yr asses to - of all places inna world - Cost Plus. Seems like you might start at BevMo or the corner liquor store or the Safetyway or the Albertsons, Giant Eagle, Basha's, Dominick's, Jewel, Kroger or Piggly Wiggly, but I happened upon the Cost Plus on the way to BevMo for Bloody fixin's and the Bloody's that were the result of the trip to these markets were SO GODDAMN KICKASS they made me want to slap my pappy. Here's why: 

Cost Plus, as you might know, has a world-class selection of junky, stinky wicker furniture from some exotic (Mexico) locale. They also got horsehair pillows, teak coffee tables, fans made from shellacked palm fronds and crazy European cookware. And if you were ever a kid, you might remember that they have a shitload of foreign chocolates. Well dip me in shit because they have all sortsa other foreign foodstuffs like mustard and wine. And for the Bloody Mary drinker there's a million jars of pickled this and preserved that! Beans, onions, wee-baby pickles. Garlic, hot pepper and bleu cheese stuffed olives. I tell ya ... take a skewer, impale one them garlic olives, a cocktail onion, a pepperoncini, a mini pickle and some kinda marinated cherry tomato, drop the whole thing in a Bloody, drop in a pickled string bean, season w/ Tabasco and celery salt, drink up and eat up all the goodies ... you are sooooo dancing and there's no denying you have scored without getting nekkid. 

Bonus treat: Fold up a slice or two of salami and add to skewer. Nothin' like meat in a cocktail! 

Tonight - Persian Aub Zam Zam
(I guess it's just "Zam Zam" now)

There's a bar in Chicago that serves a Bloody so full of junk they've given it a different name: Road-rash Mary. It comes w/ a 4oz beer back. Old Style, of course. 


bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!

shit (REDUX)

9.2.2019  (first posted this week 2001)


If I ever see anything like I saw on the TV on Tuesday morning it will be too soon. What a fucking world we live in.

Tonight we’ll raise a glass to the victims of these horrible events.

I don’t feel much like carrying on, so that’s all for now.

Tonight - Tempest
(by request)

**Meeting starts at 8 tonight.

bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!

Out of this World...

9.1.2019  (first posted this week 2002)

So the robot is down for 1 final week. On being shipped back from the
Midwest, the shipping container that the robot is housed in inadvertently
was railed to sunny Phoenix, Arizona. The shipping company assures me that
it will be back in time for next week's venue announcement.

So, that said, tonite's announcement comes from a personal request from
brother Todd Lindo who requested:

a) somewhere new
b) fairly close to BART
c) old school or moderately divey

After running this information punch-card through the old EVIAC computer in
the back room, the results are:

Mars Bar
(What is this, TNSC Western Images circa 1996?!?)

So, 
a) It is (not) NEW. 
b) It is FAIRLY close to BART (scary walk, but fairly close).
c) Though it is not "divey" in nature, the neighborhood, especially if you
like teenage transvestite hookers, should suffice. I apologize in advance
if anyone finds this offensive, and for the potential lack of close parking
(except for brother John Metzger).

See you there!!


bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!