40-yard Dash
5.2.2k4
I stopped off at the coffee hut the other morning on the way to work and got me a large deluxe coffee. Damn but that illy coffee is good. Smooth, it is. A nice change-o-pace from my home-brewed Peet's French Roast ultra-deluxe coffee. Yeh, so I haul that sucker into work and into dailies and dailies lasted only 10 or 15 minutes so I had almost a half-cup left. On my way back to my piece-o-shit Dell machine I passed one of the several coffee closets here. I peeked in and the carafe on the heat was full! This was a surprise as my co-workers seem unable to open a pre-packaged serving of "Institutional Flavor" Starbux, throw it in a fresh filter and hit "Brew." That mini-rant aside, I took notice of my half-large deluxe coffee and thought of topping it off with, well, half-bad coffee. This got me thinking: Would adding a half-cup of bad coffee to a half-cup of good coffee does one make the good coffee half-bad or the bad coffee half-good? I was so perplexed - fundamentally, mind you - by this question I decided to throw it around and see what some other folks thought. I asked my criminally silly pal (who's having a birthday this Saturday) what she thought and she fuckin' sidestepped the problem and said, "Just finish yr coffee ya jerk. Don't top it off w/ nothin'. It ain't a question of making bad good or making good bad, it's a question of why the fuck do you need more coffee you lunatic? Yr bouncing around this office like a monkey and won't stop fucking talking so fast and so goddamn loud the last thing you need is more coffee." Chrissakes! I thought. Is she right? Couldn't be. There's NEVER enough coffee. oh yeh!
Tonight - Kickin' it old-school SOMA: Julie's Supper Club.
Here's tonight's HARD: Find the Reference! You get this one yr special.
Be there or be Alan! I know I will!
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
Thursday, May 13, 2004
Thursday, April 29, 2004
Between Us
4.5.2k4
Thursday, 29 April 2004
Ah fok sometimes I'm surprised that swearing just don't cut it. Sometimes the situation calls for a person acting like a total penis to be called - not a cock or cockson or prick or johnson or dork or schlong - but simply a penis. "That guy is a total penis." Sums it up. Who can guess "which guy?"
Tonight - Popcorn and Jesus Lizard at: Sadie's Flying Elephant.
Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!
Bring yr pals. I know I will.
See you there!
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
4.5.2k4
Thursday, 29 April 2004
Ah fok sometimes I'm surprised that swearing just don't cut it. Sometimes the situation calls for a person acting like a total penis to be called - not a cock or cockson or prick or johnson or dork or schlong - but simply a penis. "That guy is a total penis." Sums it up. Who can guess "which guy?"
Tonight - Popcorn and Jesus Lizard at: Sadie's Flying Elephant.
Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!
Bring yr pals. I know I will.
See you there!
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
Thursday, April 08, 2004
Salt 'n Pepa
4.2.2k4
Thursday, 8 APril 2004
Have a look at this little "news" story I found on the Internet the other day:
SAN ANTONIO (Reuters) - A Texas woman heating fish sticks was shot in the leg by a gun that had been stashed in her oven, police said.
Roxanne Perez, 29, was taken to a local hospital where she was in good condition, police said Friday. They said a friend of hers had hidden the .357 caliber handgun in the stove two weeks earlier without telling her after she told him no guns were allowed in her house. When Perez heated up the fish sticks she also heated up the gun, which caused several rounds to be fired. One hit her in the leg. No charges have been filed because the shooting was accidental, police said.
I love this story so much I read it once a day at least. Every part of the story makes me happy to be an American. Here's why, bit-by-bit:
Fish sticks. I fuckin' love fish sticks and I love people who love 'em.
Roxanne Perez. That's one hell of a name.
Stashing a gun in an oven b/c you were told No Guns Allowed. If that don't say America I don't know what does. It screams RESOURCEFUL and CRAFTY and WILEY and DUMB-AS-DIRT and ... all this says AMERICA.
Heating up fish sticks = heating up gun. Funny how science works. It don't care if it's a pie, a cake, a casserole or a .357 yr heating up in the oven. Motherfucker ain't broke, oven will heat it up. It's like that, yeah.
No charges filed. If it was Roxanne or her pal that popped off some rounds, you bet charges would be filed. But as it was the Magic Chef or Kenmore or Whirlpool or whatever, no charges. (Sorta surprises me that them Texicans DIDN'T charge the oven. They're kinda ... you know ... thick.)
Roxy at hospital in good condition. I'm glad she weren't too badly hurt.
The story did leave me wondering who ate up them 'sticks ... or if any had been shot. Oh the humanity!
Tonight - Hug the Yeti at: Bigfoot Lodge.
Here's tonight's "harder": Find the Reference!
Bring yr pals. I know I will.
See you there!
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
4.2.2k4
Thursday, 8 APril 2004
Have a look at this little "news" story I found on the Internet the other day:
SAN ANTONIO (Reuters) - A Texas woman heating fish sticks was shot in the leg by a gun that had been stashed in her oven, police said.
Roxanne Perez, 29, was taken to a local hospital where she was in good condition, police said Friday. They said a friend of hers had hidden the .357 caliber handgun in the stove two weeks earlier without telling her after she told him no guns were allowed in her house. When Perez heated up the fish sticks she also heated up the gun, which caused several rounds to be fired. One hit her in the leg. No charges have been filed because the shooting was accidental, police said.
I love this story so much I read it once a day at least. Every part of the story makes me happy to be an American. Here's why, bit-by-bit:
Fish sticks. I fuckin' love fish sticks and I love people who love 'em.
Roxanne Perez. That's one hell of a name.
Stashing a gun in an oven b/c you were told No Guns Allowed. If that don't say America I don't know what does. It screams RESOURCEFUL and CRAFTY and WILEY and DUMB-AS-DIRT and ... all this says AMERICA.
Heating up fish sticks = heating up gun. Funny how science works. It don't care if it's a pie, a cake, a casserole or a .357 yr heating up in the oven. Motherfucker ain't broke, oven will heat it up. It's like that, yeah.
No charges filed. If it was Roxanne or her pal that popped off some rounds, you bet charges would be filed. But as it was the Magic Chef or Kenmore or Whirlpool or whatever, no charges. (Sorta surprises me that them Texicans DIDN'T charge the oven. They're kinda ... you know ... thick.)
Roxy at hospital in good condition. I'm glad she weren't too badly hurt.
The story did leave me wondering who ate up them 'sticks ... or if any had been shot. Oh the humanity!
Tonight - Hug the Yeti at: Bigfoot Lodge.
Here's tonight's "harder": Find the Reference!
Bring yr pals. I know I will.
See you there!
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
Saturday, April 03, 2004
Prince o' Danes
3.1.2k4
Thursday, 04 March 2004
Just a little advice here: Resist the urge to eat at them Jack's and McD's and Burger Kings and KFC and the like. I've been successful at such for a long, long goddamn time. That is until today. I'm a bit stressed because I fear I've lost something important and I got to miss a delicious BFL and it was already too late for the burrito truck so I headed over to Jack's and got me an ulty cheeseburgey. And fries. With extra salt. And a Coke. With extra ice.
It took me longer to get thru the burgery treat than I thought. I figure I had to eat up them fries quick lest they go cold on me. I think Jack's batters their fries or something. There's lots of nooks and crannies to latch onto the extra salt. Anyway, as I was saying, the burg was a labor. And shit it's gloppy with cheese. Goddang flat-out great junk shit food. Prollem is, now - a mere hour 'so later - I feel like I'm a barf barge on the Stink River and I just took a few Nazi shit torpedoes in the bilge. And the cockswain and his mate have fallen o'erboard. Yeh. That bad.
Ulty cheeseburger out-grosses gross. Pray you, avoid it.
Tonight: The Fishbowl
Alan won a recent FTR, so I gotta make 'em harder. Play anyway: Find the Reference!
Bring yr pals. See my family.
See you there!
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
3.1.2k4
Thursday, 04 March 2004
Just a little advice here: Resist the urge to eat at them Jack's and McD's and Burger Kings and KFC and the like. I've been successful at such for a long, long goddamn time. That is until today. I'm a bit stressed because I fear I've lost something important and I got to miss a delicious BFL and it was already too late for the burrito truck so I headed over to Jack's and got me an ulty cheeseburgey. And fries. With extra salt. And a Coke. With extra ice.
It took me longer to get thru the burgery treat than I thought. I figure I had to eat up them fries quick lest they go cold on me. I think Jack's batters their fries or something. There's lots of nooks and crannies to latch onto the extra salt. Anyway, as I was saying, the burg was a labor. And shit it's gloppy with cheese. Goddang flat-out great junk shit food. Prollem is, now - a mere hour 'so later - I feel like I'm a barf barge on the Stink River and I just took a few Nazi shit torpedoes in the bilge. And the cockswain and his mate have fallen o'erboard. Yeh. That bad.
Ulty cheeseburger out-grosses gross. Pray you, avoid it.
Tonight: The Fishbowl
Alan won a recent FTR, so I gotta make 'em harder. Play anyway: Find the Reference!
Bring yr pals. See my family.
See you there!
bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!
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