Sex in a canoe.
12.1.2k4

I was kickin' it, a couple weeks back, on a Monday night, watchin' football, eating zapped Triscuits with pepper jack and drinking beers. Not unlike, I'm sure, many, MANY red-blooded American robots around the country. This Monday night is of note, of course, because I had severly modified my beer-drinking choices. Goes like this: Since I was a wee-little robot, my beer of choice was Coors Light. I'm not positive why I started and continued with the Rocky Mountain brew but it had some things going for it. For one, the cool silvery can reflected the harsh desert sun of my youthful robotic beer-drinking days, thus serving as a built-in Coolie. Also, it was indeed SO light, one could drink large quantities of it and avoid a lot of the dehydrating effects of other beers. Simple, right? I thought so. For years.

Then one day, as I cracked open an ice-cold CL, a commie-pinko, tree-hugging liberal pal said, "Why the FUCK are you drinking that shit?" I thought that Johnny Dingle-seed was going to say the same-ol' "that ain't nothin' but piss-water. You had ought drink a real beer, like Sierra Nevada." But instead he said, "the Fucking Coors family are Republican scum. Why are you giving them your money?"

I thought on this long and hard. I came to a conclusion: Fuck it. At this time in my life I also bought and wore styles by the clothing designer Liz Claiborne. Seems ol' Liz was a reputed Satanist and gave much in financial backing to the Church of Satan or some such. I had already said, "fuck it," to that, figured that the shirt was pretty cool and while I ain't a Satanist, "fuck it, how bad can Satan be?" I felt the same was true for giving my money to the Coors Republican family. How bad could they be?

So time passes and while I had long ago given up on Liz-and-Satan shirts, I kept with the Coors and therefore the Republicans too. Then Election Day 2004 comes. I'm sitting there, on the same couch that I watch Monday Night Football, and I'm weeping into my fiftieth Coors Light of the night watching in horror at the returns. When suddenly the gubernatorial results come in from Colorado and Pete Republican Scum Coors Light has lost his race. Well, "good," I thought, and I glanced down at the Silver Bullet in my hand, then back at the TV as W took yet another state. I was a fool. I decided then and there that the Republicans were indeed MUCH WORSE than Satan and that I wasn't giving any more of my money to the Republicans by way of buying Coors beer.

I would buy Miller Lite and support Nelson Mandela.

(This story to be concluded next week.)

Tonight - Annie's.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!

Found my long-lost goddamn Palm Pilot the other day. Restored all the data (including the always handy "PalmaSutra") and ya know what I found? A list of TNSC venues from the OLD OLD days. On this date in 1999, the TNSC went to Cafe du Nord. As Lee Lee the Musical Bee is fond of saying, "Fascinating."

bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!