Pencil neck

6.1.2019

"Back when I was a kid
Life was going swell
'Til something happened
Blew everything to hell"

I was the thing that happened.

My sister, brother and I were little kids in the early 80s.  When we went to McDonalds, my mom got us small cheeseburgers and small fries.  "Happy Meals" were not invented yet, or we would have gotten those.

When we were little kids, we lived with only our mom most of the time.  Our dad was a busy lawyer who worked out of town most of the time and since he wasn't around much, he didn't know much about raising kids, or how fucking horrible they could be.

So dad is home one Friday night and we decide on getting McDonalds for dinner.  I ask if I can go with him to pick up the normal order.  He says okay and I go with him, while my brother and sister stay home with our mom.

When we get there and while we wait in the line of cars in the drive-thru, I say, "Dad?  Can I get a Big Mac?" knowing full-well what I was doing:  Sabotage.

"Get whatever you want," he said, and placed the normal order of small cheesebugers and small fries for my sibs.  "Big Mac and large fries, please," I said.  He told the Hamburgler (the drive-thrus those days were Fiberglass models of the McDonalds cartooney characters) his adult-sized order, what my mom wanted and in a few minutes, we got our go-bags and we were homeward bound.

Oh but did I torpedo the rest of the evening!!  I triumphantly marched in with my Big Mac and my unmistakable red container of large fries and paraded right up to my brother and sister.  Their eyes went saucer-shaped, as did their mouths and in moments a blood-curdling wail came from their throats.  "WHY DOES HE GET LARGE FRIES AND A BIG MAC????"  Whaaaaaa!!!!"  They were hysterical.  I was elated.  My evil plan worked!

However, my plan was not without consequences.  My dad had no idea what happened.  My mom knew exactly what happened.  While I gloated, and ate from my large fries, my brother and sister kicked, screamed and cried.  My dad was confused and my mom was disappointed, mostly with me.  Dad had a short fuse, so his confusion turned quickly to fury and he left in a huff to get large fries and Big fuckin' Macs for everyone.  When he left, my mom told me that she knew I did it all on purpose and she did NOT appreciate it at all.

I killed the evening, won a pyrrhic victory over my sibs and knocked another chip out of my parents' fractured relationship.  Yay me!

Tonight - The Page
**cash only**

bye-ee!
whrr ... clik!