Better Late Than Never.

Last meeting of the year.

Homestead
Folsom x 19th.
Party on, Garth.




















bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

Rummy
12.2.2k6

There are two things that happen every year:

1. The Chicago Cubs are eliminated from the post season. This is sad.

2. Honorary Founding Member Mathias Genser has a birthday. This is joyful.

#1 happens at various times throughout the year. Sometimes in August, sometimes in April. heh. Still sad.

#2 happens at a regular interval. Tonight! It happens tonight! Joy indeed!

Tonight - Make Out Room.

$8 cover, but it's worth it for the Little Fuzzy Xmas Show Extravaganza (says A.C.)


bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

A lotta talk.
12.1.2k6

Just when it seems like everyone in the world has either a bluetooth headset (making 'm look like a total idiot) or any variety iPod or some kinda gps-based navigation in their dashboard we get a reality check. One guy needed some gizmos like a satellite phone or gps or a map (and the know-how to read a map). He especially needed a survival kit but didn't have one and unfortunately and tragically died after being snowbound with his family. He tried to find help and got lost. So sad. It makes me think of the survial kit I mentioned a few months back. That kit got so much ridicule I chucked it for a better model of survival kit. By model I mean "bottle" and by survival kit I mean "vodka."

Tonight - Bloom's Saloon.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!

Acknowledgements to Miss Brooke Williams.

bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

Working!
11.4.2k6

I was thinking about TRex this morning and I wheeled past a MonsterTruck parked on the street that hat tags: T REX. No lie.
I'm your groover.

Tonight - The Homestead.


bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

Detonation
11.2.2k6

Man I wish it wasn't such a National scandal to like the French because lately I'm finding myself liking a lot of French things. No I ain't talking about POO-JOEs or Eiffel Towers. And I ain't even talking about Audrey Tatou, even though I think she's great. I'm talking about Frog mustard and Frog cheese. I got no problem with the former but I'm developing a prob with the latter. Read on and hold on to yr frikkin seats!

The brie that the Ralph's up the street sucks.


Tonight - Tony Nik's.

Feel the warm glow.

bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

Forty-six and two.
11.1.2k6

The joint where I now work is well-known for its visual effects work and its Halloween parties. I did not know the latter half of this statement until just recently, but I now know this is true because many, many people in- and outside the industry have asked if I went and how it was if I did.
I'll tell you how it was: It was fun and it was a blur. Pinch-hitting for me last week, Linkey-Loo Coordinator Alan J. Chimenti posted snaps of the costumes my little wife and I wore (I was the gorilla), so ya got an idea of how we looked.
This is the second time I've worn my gorilla suit (it would have been the third time if my aforementioned little wife had let me wear it at our wedding) and the thing is hot as I remember. Fur and rubber = hot. duh. It's hot and it's designed not with the drinker in mind, as it has no fly and the zip goes down only to my navel. I remembered that evacuating "rented" beer was a problem last Halloween so I used my pea brain and decided to skip beer and drink tequila instead, thus the fun blur. yay!
The party was pretty neat: It was circus-sideshow themed and had midway-like booths, fire eaters, trapeze artists, guys on stilts and churro carts. It had a great band that did several sets of blues and rock, and a really good DJ filling in the band breaks. There were three full bars and they didn't run out of anything except margarita mix. I helped them run out of marg mix.
I made it quite a long time before I needed to let some margs out, so when the inevitable happened, I made for the portapotty section outside in the parking lot. The lines weren't long and everyone was pretty ripped and friendly. Being new to the company, I figured that I wouldn't know most people, wouldn't recognize those if I did know them (costumes were mandatory) and that most of the night would be getting smashed with my little wife. This turned into an accurate prediction, but since I'm such a loudmouth, I did start up conversations with several people. Two of which were in line for the port-a-lets with us.
They were nice enough. They had been enjoying adult bevvys and were talkative. He was dressed in an executioner's costume (boots, black pants, no shirt and a black hood) and I forget what she was wearing. I stayed in costume the whole time. My gorilla head did not come off. Anyway, they asked us if we were married. Yes. How long? One year. They said they have been married nine years. Congrats. They said they have two children. Congrats. They said that the first two-three years really sucked but it got so much better so hang in there. Great. Thanks. They said they really loved being married. Okay. The first two-three years were hard but now it's all better. Okay, heard that. You two are so nice. Thanks.
It went on like this for a while.
Soon enough it was my turn for the john. I got in, took off my gorilla head, unzipped and took off gorilla suit to my waist, took care of biz and put everything back on. Then went back out.
My little wife was still talking to the executioner. His wife said to me, "you still have on your mask - I haven't seen your face." I told her that was an excellent observation. She said she wants to see my face. I said, "I'm a gorilla. You are seeing my face." She said she and her husband really like my wife and me. She wants to see my face. I said, "the costume stays on at the costume party." She said, "you're really funny. We like you." I knew what was coming. "We're swingers. We really like you." Uh huh. I asked if she worked here. She said no. I asked how she got in, as security was pretty tight. "Oh, we're friends of the trapeze artist." I said, "I'm ready for a drink! Come on, wife!" We said goodbye to the parking-lot, outhouse-line, swinger-pickup section. Good times.


Tonight - Club Deluxe.

Featuring: "Little Minsky's Burlesque.

Get there before 9p to avoid the paltry $5 cover that you could drink instead.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!


bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

Daily Grind
11.1.2k6

So, now that I live in Lohse Angeleez I have access to the greatest arsenal of Halloween costumes.

I rest my case:

















Isn't that the gosh darn cutest organ grinder you've ever seen?!?





Tonight - The Knockout
3223 Missio St
San Francisco, CA 94110 (the OTHER side of Army/Ceasar Chavez)

Join the gang for "Bingotopia" starting at 7pm. Win fabulous prizes. Hear great music. Don't miss it!!!



bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

Chicken Butt
10.4.2k6

Goddamn I love Halloween. I love coming up with costumes and sitting down to sketch them out. I love trying to think of materials that would be good parts to the costume. I love trying to figure out where to buy the materials for parts. I love trying to figure out how to attach the parts. I eventually get around to the fact that the trombone is not a good thing to be for Halloween. Sure it would be cool, but it would be impossible to pull off. Them things are skinny and bent-up. Also impossible are the Hoover Dam costume (including a scaled Lake Mead), a ghost town and sadly, my favorite idea ever, an Iron Lung.
Going to a Halloween party that work is throwing this weekend. This is news because I finally work at a place that throws fuckin' parties. It's been years since the company I'm workin' at coughs up some cabbage for free booze, snacks and a DJ. Cool. A costume at this thing is stated on the invitation as mandatory.
So ... I got a costume and it is, as usual, TOP SECRET, but now that I got me a wife ... she knows. If you wanna know, hit her up for intel. I ain't sayin'.

Tonight - The Homestead.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!


bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

Nothing to see here....
10.3.2k6

Rant crapped out. Sorry. I would have repaired it, but I figured that greasing my robot gears was probably a better option.


Tonight - Hemlock Tavern.

Pool. Peanuts. PBR. Feel the love.



bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

The El Nino (redux)
10.2.2k6

There's a kitchen in the place I work and on the wall of the kitchen there's a TV that's ALWAYS on and someone's ALWAYS watching it. I don't get it. I only rediscovered TV after getting TiVo and wresting control over what I watched and when I watched it. That made the mind-numbing a bit better because it was mind-numbing on MY SCHEDULE.

I mention the TV in the kitchen because I walked by it and someone was watching a program. In the time it took me to walk by I heard an intriguing snippet: " ... many people visit our Flavor Graveyard to pay homage to discontinued flavors they once enjoyed."

I got to my desk and googled "flavor graveyard" and got this.

An interesting list of dead ice cream flavors. I applaud the B&J for attempting some of them. The idea of a virtual graveyard gave me an idea to list the dead places the TNSC used to go.
Off the top of my head:

(The) El Bobo
The Overflo
20 Tanks
Pow!

There's more but I gotta stop there. It's too hard. We had many good times at those joints. And now word comes down that C. Bobby Cook, owner/operator of the venerable Owl Tree (venue of all holiday/"secret" meetings) has passed. He was a classic. This robot can only hope that his estab. survives him.

Tonight - Rogue Ale House.

They're sponsoring a Short Film Festival and TNSC stalwart Brady Baltezore has a featured entry. Come on out and show your support!!



Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!


bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

My Little Pony
10.1.2k6

I landed a job at a really big movie studio down here in LA and I'm pretty fired-up about it. You might have heard of it. It's called "DD." I like initials: ORD, MDW, PDX, dcb, CDJ, ttyl, and, of course (for Alan), FU.

The joint has been busy for many years, churning out Hollywood favs by the dozens. Perhaps you've heard of a few of them.

Transformers (2007) Can't wait! Movies about idiot cartoons are my fav! When ya think someone will make "Thundercats?" How 'bout "Galaxy Rangers?" "Underdog?"
Flags of Our Fathers (2006) Holding breath. Should be really good.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) The original scared the shit out of me. Christ ... when that gal blew up into a giant blueberry I went runnin' for my little bed. Dad was already "sleeping" in it so I spooned my brother.
Cinderella Man (2005) Saw it in the lobby waitin' for my interview.
The Day After Tomorrow (2004) I had some pals who worked on this at The Orphanage. I demanded my money back from them.)
The Missing (2003) What's her name? That fairy queen? That spooky fairy queen from that long frikkin' movie with the midgets? She's hot.
The Italian Job (2003) Wasn't Ed Norton in this as a bad guy? Or was it Jerry Garcia? Tama, hep me on this.
Adaptation. (2002) Was this the one with David Duchovny and the aliens in Las Vegas?
A Beautiful Mind (2001) Jennifer Connelly is really cute in this and in The Hot Spot.
Vanilla Sky (2001) I used to like that grrrrl before she went for that boyband dope.
Red Planet (2000) I used to like Val before he went for that boyband dope.
O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000) Quality.
Fight Club (1999) Weird enough to be good.
What Dreams May Come (1998) OK, who DIDN'T win an Academy Award for this movie?
Titanic (1997) I wanted to shoot self.
The Fifth Element (1997) Wasn't ready for it the first time through. Now I got two words for ya: Mil la.


Tonight - The Knockout
3223 Missio St
San Francisco, CA 94110 (the OTHER side of Army/Ceasar Chavez)

Join the gang for "Bingotopia" starting at 7pm. Win fabulous prizes. Hear great surf music. Don't miss it!!!

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!


I like lists!

bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

The Slider
9.4.2k6

Ya hear of the phenomenon of The Phantom Limb? Wikipedia succinctly defines it as "the sensation that an amputated or missing limb is still attached to the body." Sensations experienced include warmth, cold, itching, pain or burning. It's really quite interesting and research into it suggests that even those born without limbs still experience the sensations in the null-limb even though they have never had "real" experience. Wow. That's fuct up!

I've read up on (Googled) the condition because I've got a little phantom "limb" thing going on: I'm like every other voter in America who puts his or her sunglasses up on top of his or her head when ducking in the booth to waste his or her vote. I also chuck 'em up there when at the magazine store, the Peet's™ coffee queue, the cinema, the gas station pay kiosk, the ATM, the shooting range, the doctor's office, the Sonic Youth show at the Wiltern, the Cuban restaurant, the architecture tour ticket office, the TSA security check-in and so on and so on. My sunnys are on top of my head so often that I feel them there even when they're not.

That really screws me up when, for example, I think I hear the ice-cream man down the street to the right and whip my head around to look and -oh crap!- my glasses go flying. This has happened a lot: I'm often whipping my head around to see if the freelance (gypsy) fruit and veg van really is pulling down my block or if the critical care van (ambulance) is headed my way or if the Kool-Aid™ dude (Punchy™) is fixin' to crash through my wall. I've head-whipped many pairs of sunglasses to their doom. Now I'm afraid to do it. Now I feel them suckers up there morning, noon and night. In- and outdoors. I must see a professional (shrink) about this phantom sunglasses sensation soon.

Tonight - The Homestead.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!


bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

Hugh Grant
9.3.2k6

Most of you know that I moved to LA. Some of you know that I got a job a few months back in Hollywood. When I started the job, I stomped around the neighborhood during lunch and after work, exploring the weird place that is Highland Bd between Santa Monica Bd and Hollywood Bd.

None of you know what I found there: I found a new Worldview. I met some nice people and they talked to me and they made sense of this crazy world and my empty life and they help me get by and I get to say thank you by handing over my paycheck, and I'll tell you it's a bargain: My job don't pay for shit.

Anyway, one of the tenets of the Worldview is to purge oneself of secrets. I ain't got but one thing that I keep secret, so I'll fulfill my duty to the Worldview and spill. Here goes.

When I was a child I had three buttocks. The third was somewhat discrete in that it didn't really draw attention like a third arm or something, but it was not totally transparent. It forced me to walk with a hitch in an otherwise normal gait. What's more is that in the crack of the extra cheek there was a pseudo-anus that puckered when I would defecate, but otherwise was inert as it was not connected to my intestine. The third ass didn't really bother me and was actually a boon when I played little-league contact sports like ice hockey and football as I didn't need to pad that side of my ass. Sadly, though, my third ass was shot off by a Mex high on gold paint and mescal at a desert kegger in high school. The surgeon was a master with the scar and due to my incessant begging he relented and left the pseudo-anus and I thank the stars he did because it's a source of extreme erotic pleasure when my lover pinches, tongues and fondles it during sex. If she refuses, I throw her out of the car and drive off.

I love you all very much.

Tonight - Lucky 13.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!


bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

Lechuga no no no no no.
9.2.2k6

You ever have a love/hate relationship? I ask because I just came to grips with the fact that I've got a love/hate thing going with SaranWrap™. I've been packing my lunch M-Th in order to save dough (and scratch that need to cook deluxe dishes) and I've been going through rolls of the plastic film. I love it because it's so great to make a sandy and wrap it up all easy-like. No need for Tupperware or ziplock bags. Made some cupcakes - wrapped 'em. Need some dressing to go with the salad? Put some on a bit of plastic wrap, carefully gather the edges up, twist and secure w/ rubber band. THEN just poke a hole in it when time to apply to greens and squeeze. AWESOME.
But then again, I hate the shit because I can NEVER get a sheet off the roll without having one part touch another and sticking to it forever. I don't have fingers small enough to find the seam and the bond is nearly molecular. It drives me nuts. I HATE Saranwrap™.

Tonight - Club Deluxe.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!


bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

Titlist
9.1.2k6

The following is a partial transcript from a telephone conversation I had with my brother on September 7, 2001. (Thanks to Mrs. Pepper Sweetchunks for the transcription service.)

"Do you remember when we were children and we sponsored those neighborhood races?"

"We did a lot of races. We had the kids racing kids; the dogs racing dogs; the dogs racing kids; bikes against cars; bikes against skateboards; OH! and the swimming races. And remember the "Little People" races? Where we would take the Fisher Price wooden "Little People" down to the bottom of the deep end and let'm go and race to the surface?"

"Yeh but this one was between the snake and the spider?"

"I do remember that. What kinda spider was that?"

"I don't know."

"That was a good one. Why do you ask?"

"Something I never told anyone, and I'd forgotten about it until the other day. I spotted a small, cloth, draw-string bag washing down the gutter during a monster thunderstorm soon after the race. I picked it out of the gutter just before it washed into the sewer. I untied its strings and the snake and the spider fell out, dead. I'm sure it was the same ones we had raced."



Tonight - Tunnel Top.



whrr ... clik!

... clik.

Zapateria!
8.5.2k6

Went to the local palm reader and Miss Ev'lin didn't even LOOK at my hand before she said, "thinner" in a chilly voice. I had read the book long ago and a shudder went through me. Before I could finish saying, "That's FUCKED UP ... " she laughed and slapped her knee. "You shoulda seen yr face, my boy," she said. "Got me!" I said and gave her a playful punch in the jaw. "Don't ever touch my face," she said, rubbing her chin, "sit down, sit down." I sat.
She reached out and took my hand, regarded the back for a minute. She produced a small voice recorder from under the table and quietly said something into it.
"What was that you said," I asked.
"Oh nothing. I remembered something I need to pick up at the store."
"uh ... okay," I said.
Then she turned my hand over and was visibly shocked by something. I tried to pull away but she held on firmly.
"W ... what the fuck is it?" I stammered.
"Oh nothing," she said. "Well ... it is something."
"What?"
"Don't go see BRMC at the Sunset Junction festival. You won't like it at all."
It took me a second: "That was Saturday night! I already did it! And it totally sucked."
"mmm-hmmm," she said, "I see that. And another thing, don't order pizza from Dingy's."
"But I already did."
"And ..."
"It totally sucked."
"mm-hmmm."
"You're not telling me shit, you know," I said.
"But I'm not wrong, am I?" she asked.
"I guess not," I said.
"mm-hmmm."

Tonight - It's the last Thursday of the month. That means The Homestead. 19th and Folsom, SF.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!


bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

Get over it.
8.4.2k6

Hi all ...

Just got back from Iraq and I'm feeling much better - I didn't use that foot much anyway ... I've got automatic transmission on my Bentley. And the six months in Switzerland, Swaziland, Togo, Truk Islands, Antarctica, New Zealand, Greenland, Normandy, sub-Orbit (Thanks again, Mr. Branson) and SeaLab did me and my ladies a lot of good.

What with the court settlement and my recent lottery wins in California and Arkansas, I've been able to fund the rebuilding of my homes in New Orleans and get the fire damage fixed on my ranch. It will be great to spend some time there -- the Manhattan and Paris penthouses are getting kinda tired.

I'm almost done in astronaut training and expect to be cleared for this Sunday's launch of Atlantis. It'll be fun to be back on the Cape.

Life is great and getting better. I hope to see you soon and if yr near any of the points along my upcoming cross-country blimp trip route, paint something on the ground so I can see it from 1000ft.

The monkeys and cats and chinchillas are all fine. Thanks for asking.

Peace.

-jhj
USA, EU and the nice parts of Africa.

Tonight - The Attic.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!


bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

Nuke Gay Whales for Jesus
8.3.2k6

I want to make bumperstickers that say: "Know thy car's length and width and drive like a champion."

I drive the streets and freeways of LA every day now and aside from a handful of good drivers, these pilgrims are purebred shitty drivers. What makes a shitty driver? I had thought that driving too fast or too slow was the main problem. It is a big part of the problem, but increasingly I've observed that bad drivers are the ones who try to fit into a space too small; don't give the person they're squeezing in front of enough comfort room (and forcing one to apply the brakes (starting a chain-reaction of brakes)); or are too scared to try to fit into, through or around something because they don't fucking know the dimensions of their car. That's yr bad driver.

I actually had to get into Jailbreak (my Jeep) through the passenger door and crawl over the divider to get into the driver's seat because the dingus who had parked next to me gave me no room to open my door. I left a note: YOU LEAVE ME NO ROOM TO OPEN DOOR. YOU PARKD TOO CLOSE. PLEASE BE COOLER.

No lie. I hope they were peeved. Fuck 'em, I shoulda keyed their door.

Tonight - The Orbit Room.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!


bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

Gotta wear shades.
8.2.2k6

There's a Rite-Aid right across the street from me and I've found that they have really cold beer that's always on sale. $10 for an 18-pak. I'm going through a few of them 18ers a week (yike!) and it helps to keep the cost down.

I ducked over there just last night to re-fuel and I remembered to check the back-to-school section that was being massively restocked the day before. (I wasn't buying beer the day before. I didn't drink 18 beers on a school night. I was buying Juinor Mints for the freezer. They got a good price on them Jrs too and I always have to have something minty in the icebox and none of them little sluts came around whoring their cookies this year so I gotta go with Plan B, ok? Shut up, Alan.) I chose a bunch of new ink pens (on sale!), got my beer and got in line. I waited as the person in front went through about a trillion coupons until she found the one she needed. I waited. I looked around. Behind me was a Post cereal display and I thought about the eternal debate of whether Cocoa Pebbles are better than Cocoa Krispies (they are better ... way better). Then I noticed the sign: ALL POST CEREAL $1.79. I snagged a box of Grape-Nuts. I like eating very small rocks with milk.

At the check-out, the counterman said, "damn. I ain't had Grape-Nuts forever. My mom used to get that for us." Then he looked at me. "I hated Grape-Nuts." As this guy looks like he's on parole I told him he could put them back.

Tonight - Club Deluxe.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!


bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

There was a boy who had a dog....
8.1.2k6

And BINGO was his name-o.

BINGO? YES!!!

EZ Listening? YES!!!

$2 Hamms Beer? Sure...why not?!?

No cover? Definitely.

Tonight - The Knockout.
















See you there. I know I'll be!!

bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

33129
7.4.2k6

everybody's got vices and I figure I got my share and perhaps a few others'. (I do know how to express plurals and possessives with use (or desuetude) of apostrophes, goddemmit.) I drink and swear a lot. Enough for a couple fellas for sure. I don't pick fights much or hit women much, but I blow good cash on comic books, expensive cheese and bad pr0n. Sometimes I don't bathe for days and sometimes I leave the catbox far too long unattended.

My little wife is pretty saintly in comparison. She's clean, kempt and courteous. She's not a teetotaler, mind you. She prefers "quality" over "quantity." She has got a bad problem, though, bordering on a vice: She's powerful fond of tabloids.

She doesn't go for the "World Weekly News" or the "Sun" or the "Inquirer," no, she prefers her tabloid glossy, staple-bound and high-brow. She goes for "Us" and "People."

I've had a chance to paw through one or two of these rags while, uh, "immobilized," and jesus I don't get it. Who cares what those mopes (celebrities) are up to? JLo's shopping at a gun store. Wow. Jen's back on the meth. Oh my. Tom and that slut ate their baby. Big shit. Page after page of who's who in Hollywood, rock, hiphop or whatever. Got me thinking: "Us?" "People?" If I were the publisher and I was in touch with a little thing some call REALITY, I'd notice my tabloid magazines were inappropriately named. "People" would be better named as "Rich & Famous People Candidly Photographed In Santa Monica By Our Paparazzi And Whose Activity Was Speculated Upon By Our Staff Of Writers." It's a mouthful, but it's more accurate. My wife's other fave, "Us," is really poorly named. Us? Brad Pitt, that whore and me? Us? No way. They ain't us. Renamed: "Them."

Tonight - It's the last Thursday of the month. That means The Homestead. 19th and Folsom, SF.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference! Winner gets a prize.


bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

79 degrees and holding (REDUX)
7.3.2k6

One week later, and our weather is still holding. A testament to the phenomenon of global warming, I'm sure. I spent the past 4 days in LA and I have to say that it was colder there (at least "Westside") than it is here. When it's this nice out, it's really hard to beat the view from Potrero Hill. And what better "local" can one find than Bloom's Saloon?

Beer, P-Hill locals, and all of your favorite TNSC cast members will be there. Pray that the back deck is open.


See you there!! I know I'll be!!!

bye-ee!!

Linkey-Loo Robot -
AJC

79 degrees and holding
7.2.2k6

Linkey-loo™ Robot stepping in again, as the "head honcho" is currently incapacitated at a job interview in Hollywood, and will soon be stuck (again) in traffic for the ride back to Venice. I gave him one bit of advice....don't eat garlic prior to the interview.

And speaking of Venice...how about that great weather we're having?!? Whenever the weather turns nice here in San Francisco, I always want to spend Thursday nights outdoors at Zeitgeist!!! Dozens of microbrews, outdoor BBQ, hotel accommodations (who knew?), and all of your favorite TNSC cast members.


See you there!! I know I'll be!!!

bye-ee!!

Linkey-Loo Robot -
AJC

Li Po
7.1.2k6

Go on over to Li Po's tonight to meet yr fellow List Members but be sure to bring a jacket because the calendar says it's July and if ya do the math (San Francisco + July) ya get chilly and I don't mean the bowl of red.

Tonight - Li Po's.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!

Li Po's. Li Po's. Li Po's. Li Po's. Li Po's. Li Po's. Li Po's. Li Po's.

bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

Crazy Horse
6.5.2k6

Santa Monica is just north of our new place in Venice. Harry Shearer, the actor, comedian and satirist, has a radio show that broadcasts from KCRW Santa Monica and when signing on, Shearer says, "coming to you from Santa Monica ... HOME of the homeless." He is, of course, right. They are everwhere.
I got a problem with thomeless because they help make up the triumvirate that makes San Francisco so unpalatable to me: Cold; full of homeless; smells of pee. I got a problem with thomeless not because they're down-and-out, but because so very many of them choose to be that way and they won't accept help or kindness, but rather demand compliance with their orders of "gimme some money," "gimme a smoke" or my favorite, "why lie? I need a drink?"
So I'm walking down the street in Santa Monica and shuffling down the walk ahead of me are a couple homeless folks. These are the filthy dirty, "hippy-style" homeless, complete with sandaled, coal-black feet, flowing burlap clothing and dreadlocks. These dreads have clearly been in production since Altamont because they both needed laundry-bag-sized cargo nets to secure them.
As I said, I was walking and the two of them were shuffling, so within a few doors I came upon them. It was then, with a close-up view of the, ahem, hairnets, that I could not resist my true nature. I spoke to them.
"Wow, that's some kinda gear ya got there. You campin'? I seen sherpas less laden than you trekkers."
"What?" one of them asked.
"Yr backpacks," I said, motioning to their nets, "I ain't seen backpacks worn so high on the shoulders before. That comfortable?"
"They ain't backpacks, man, it's our hair."
"HAIR?"
"Yeah. It's our hair. It's our dreads."
"Wow. That's an awful lot of hair! Tell me, where'd you get them nets? Marine supply?"
"Fuck you, man, we made 'em."
"You did a nice job. I just worked on a pirate movie and the pirate ship had some real nice nets just like that in the rigging."
"Shut UP, man."
"Okey!" I said. And laughed.

Tonight - The Homestead.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!

bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

441SW
6.4.2k6

Today is the longest day of the year and I'm gonna spend all of it staring at my new hummingbird feeder and waiting for the first customer so that I can jump and yelp for joy.

At the time of posting there hasn't been a single hummer. Bummer. Good thing it's a loooooong day.

Tonight - The Orbit Room.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!

There are five Thursdays this month! You get another chance to TNSC in June!

bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

Continental
(Alternate title: Happy Birthday Alan)
6.2.2k6

Back in '93 I got me a job on East Erie street in Chicago:


I lived a few miles north on N. Clark Street:



It didn't take me long to realize that riding my bike to and from work would rule for several reasons: It don't cost nothin'; It's good exercise; It's fun.

I developed a route I called "The Town and Country," named so because I'd go through the park along the lakefront and then cut through a smallish north-south street that ran parallel to the v. busy Michigan Ave. I stayed away from traffic as much as possible and because it was flat I didn't have much work to do so I would basically "enjoy the ride."

I left Chicago in 1996 and continued riding to work in SF. This time it was all street and half of that was up- or downhill depending on whether I was going to work or coming home. It was downhill to work and that meant rocketing down the Hyde street hill. I had learned the timing of the lights and could often make it all the way down and across Market St. without stopping. I went as fast or faster than cars and learned quickly that I had to be really careful or I'd get splattered. While this was enjoyable, it wasn't the same. Oh and in SF, it was always a cool or cold ride. Even uphill.

All of this leads to my new ride-to-work experience here in LA. I live a couple miles south of the studio and have developed a route along Santa Monica's side streets and beach. It's flat and quiet and again I have nothing to do but pedal and enjoy the ride. I had a thrilling sense of deja vu riding to work in the morning in a warm climate. It was like Chicago. I put the slick tires I've held onto for years on my auxillary bike (not expendible but not expensive) that I've held onto for years and it happens to be the CroMoly Gary Fisher I rode in Chicago. Same terrain. Same bike. Same weather. You should try it.

Tonight - Sneaky Tiki.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!

Rush to the tiki bar tonight and buy LinkeyLoo Coordinator Alan J. Chimenti a bev and wish him a Happy 25th Birthday again.

bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

Verizon sucks
6.2.2k6

Since I've moved to SoCal I've mostly been on vacation, but last week I hauled out the "get-a-job" duds. I went around to various places, saw industry folks I've known for years and met industry folks for the first time. My somewhat standard "informal" greeting to, say, the Inferno jockey I've just been introduced to is, "Hi, dude." I don't know why, but I've found that many people can't process HI DUDE and instead hear HOW'RE YOU DOIN' and respond with, "just fine."

INT DARKENED EDIT BAY. DAY.
Kenny: This is Paul. He's one of our Inferno artists.
Josh: Hi, dude.
Paul: I'm great. Nice to meet you.

What the fuck? Really. Say it aloud. Does, "hi, dude" sound like "how're you doin'?" And IF one was to mistake one for the other, one would likely think they just heard, "how do," rather than the extra syllables. Which is what most folks seemingly do.

It all means that because of fucking stupid, deaf people, I've gotta get a new standard "informal" greeting. Dang.

Tonight - Elixir.
Come support 148 years of drinking on the corner of 16th and Guerrero!!!

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!

--See you there. I know I'll be!!!

bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

"May is National Tavern Month" (Hijack #2)
6.1.2k6

That’s what it says on a red necktie from the 50’s that I have (Linkey-Loo Robot here...taking the contols today.)

That and “Support Your Local Tavern” (which I did, by the way, with vigor.)

But what about June? I’m going to proclaim it “Buckeye Bassists Month”. Why? You ask. Because we have a very special guest joining us tonight. Jim Reynolds, bassist/keyboardist for Cincinnati’s “Indie/Electro” faves Chalk will be in attendance. Jim likes Jagermeister and Heineken...with a good measure of Whiskey thrown in. Come on out and make him welcome.

And continuing on the “Buckeye Bassist” tradition, I have a special opportunity to get together tomorrow night with bassist/keyboardist/DEVO founding member (and Akron native) Gerald V. Casale for a private gathering.

Meanwhile, sort yrselves out here ...Tonight - Lucky 13.

Now I need to figure out what to do the rest of the month. Does TNSC member Andy White play bass?!?

Oh...and remember to check the "Linkey-Loo" and submit your character!!


bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

West-Side Report!
5.4.2k6

Part of the fun of moving is finding the local bar. The local bar to our place we found in Venice is our kitchen. There is a bar and its got dish soap on tap. That don't wet the whistle but cold beers in cans are available from the brand-new fridge, as is a freezer fulla ice and vodka. For fun we throw some Bocas in the micro and we get a light show cuz the 'lectricians put the appliances on the same circuit as the lights. yay! Someone's coming to sort it out next week.

Meanwhile, sort yrselves out here ...Tonight - Homestead.

It is the last Thursday of the month, which means the meeting of the minds with the always lovely and talented Johanna (and her drunken literary posse.)

Here's a gem from the wall calendar: Tomorrow is Christi Himmelfahrt Day. Christi. Himmel. Fahrt. I don't read the German but I can guess ...

bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

End of an era?
5.3.2k6

Naaaaah. He'll be posting once he gets an internet connectio .

Well, the TNSC Robot has departed for warmer climates, but it just dawned on me that the keys to the car were left behind. ALL of the keys. (Heh.) Granted there are different ones for the ignition, the trunk, and both doors.....but the set is intact. Let's roll!!!

Since we somehow skipped last Thursday (but Friday WAS a blow-out), I feel obligated to post a proper VA. Granted, it won't be filled with wit or mirth, but it will contain some vital information:

Bingo? YES!!!

EZ Listening? YES!!!

$2 Hamms Beer? Sure...why not?!?

No cover? Definitely.

Tonight - The Knockout.














Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!


bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

Who can you trust?
5.1.2k6

It's always helpful to know different approaches to difficult situations. Like hangovers for example. Mebbe you've tried and tried but just can't find a way to alleviate the effects of yr fun the night before. I solicited five-or-so List Members and collected their "cures." Next time yr in a bind and gotta get up for 9am dailies (often in my case) or catch the early bus while feeling like hell try one of these:

Anonymous List Member 1.
Date of hangover: Damn....I really can't remember the "last" one.
Cure:
Water, aspirin, coffee (lots of it)
water, aspirin, coffee (spiked)
water, aspirin, coffee, bloody, beer
Effectiveness: Medium

Anonymous List Member 2.
Date of hangover: Specific date was April 29.
Cure: I alleviated it by brewing a large pot of coffee and slaughtering approximately 9,253 Nazis in a three-hour period. I also would ocassionally pet Dave Revis's dog, Heidi.
Effectiveness: High

Anonymous List Member 3.
Date of hangover: I guess it was during the 70's.
Cure: As well as I can remember, it just wore off with the passing of time. It involved headache and there was no playing the puke-a-lele.
Effectiveness: Low

Anonymous List Member 4.
Date of hangover: Last week.
Cure: Fried egg and bacon sandy, green or red GatorAde, TCPPWD (thin-crust pepperoni pizza well-done) Margarita on rocks w/ salt.
Effectiveness: Wishful thinking

Anonymous List Member 5.
Date of hangover: the last one that stands out is new year's eve. not drunk, but not well.
Cure: what i did to alleviate the symptom? grovel.
Effectiveness: n/a

Anonymous List Member 6.
Date of hangover: This Monday.
Cure: Went to work and had to grin and bare it. Soon as I got
off work I went and had a few slices of pizza and a couple shots and
beers.
Effectiveness: None

Anonymous List Member 6.
Date of hangover: it's the last time you were here, that saturday.. the worst hangover,
nothing could help.. or so I thought... I puked about four times on my empty stomach.. can I eat?, I should eat?.
Cure: ate a banana, puked it, but there are worse things to taste a second time than a banana. and then it was as though the sky split open, and the angels came floating down, and when they did they were in the form of my Man and he was holding bags of food... from Taco Bell. I had a chicken quesadilla-no sauce and a giant diet mystery soda (you know the ones that are so bad, they just taste like a mixture of soda flavors)
and I was semi cured..
Effectiveness: Semi

There you have it. Go try each one. Get back to me.

Tonight - Annie's Social Club.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!

Get to Annie's before 9p as there might be a cover starting then.

bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

Patrick
4.4.2k6

Man I need some time off. That must sound funny coming from a guy whose commute to work is approximately 10' from my bed to my computer. It's the truth nevertheless. I'm a busy mofo.
I got calls to make and calls to return. Emails to read, emails to write. Things to buy, things to sell. Things to pack and things to chuck. And on top of all this ... I got a cat's ass to shave and a lot of poop to clean up.

I wrote about three paragraphs detailing the last statement and I erased them. You don't need to know about Fats' poop problem. Let's just say he's 16 years old next month and that makes him a senior citizen in cat years. He's falling apart. First it was his thyroid. Then it was his kidneys. Now I guess it's his starfish. God damn I'm glad he's not a dog.

Tonight - Doc's Clock.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!


bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

Sweet Soul Sister
4.3.2k6

Being old sucks! I fuckin' hurt myself by scarfing down a burrito. I feel like shit! It's because I'm old. I don't act old and normally I don't feel old but I don't remember feeling like shit after scarfing down a burrtio in my youth. I don't recommend it. And the kick to the nuts was that the burrito was not really any good at all. Oh well. That's why they make beers ... to save us from things that suck.

Tonight - Nova Bar.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!

GKRobots should come to this one, as it's right around the corner.

bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

Fe + y
4.2.2k6

One would think that workin' at home would afford a guy more time to do things like eat. Not this guy. I got work work and I got pack-the-house work that's keeping me from attending the last couple TNSC NoCal meetings, tonight's meeting being one of 'em, sadly enough.

Get over it at The Homestead. Folsom & 19th.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!



bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

Synonymous with asphyxiation.
4.1.2k6

On the airplane up from LAX the other night I sat next to the biggest fucking douchebag I've seen in a while. He had the emergency exit row seat I wanted and I was sitting one row back and right of him, so I could see it all, no matter I didn't want to. Here's his highlight reel:

During the Emergency Procedure demo he waited until the flight attendant (doing the demo right in front of him) showed us how to click the metal parts of the belt together before dramatically clicking his belt together. He then said, "Did I do it right?" to the FA. She smiled a fakey and said, "good boy." He smiled a doofus and looked pleased. I wanted to choke him.

His goddamn phone rang during takeoff. He dug it out and only then turned it off. I wanted to throttle him.

He whipped out his laptop and a CD case, selected a disc and stuck it in. It was Rocky II. Some shithead watching a two hour movie on a one-hour flight is one thing, but in a darkened cabin, in a seat right in front of you so you can't avoid seeing Mr. T beating the shit outta 'ol Rocky is another thing entirely. It's a fucked thing. I wanted to strangle him.

It's kinda picky, but he LOOKED like a total jerk: alligator shoes, business slacks, a yellow dress shirt w/ white pinstripes, cuffs and collar, a fugly tie, glasses, an earring and a ponytail. I wanted to interfere with his breathing.

He had to be told to turn off Rocky II TWICE durning approach. I wanted to compress his throat.

He whipped out his iPod and 'phones AFTER being told to shut off electronics, turned it on and then turned on the overhead to see the display, presumably to find a song. Guess he didn't know about the backlight. I wanted to constrict his windpipe.

Then, finally, we were on the ground waiting for our gate to open up and after a few minutes he rang his overhead and the FA came over. He said, "I thought you weren't allowed to move about the cabin." She said, "I am. You are not. What do you want?" "Why aren't we moving?" "The captain annouced that there is a plane at our gate. We wait." He said, "A two hour delay at LAX and now we wait on the ground here? I've got an hour drive home." She said, "We've got to pick up the people at that gate and take them back to LAX. It's a long night for all of us." I wanted to garrote him.

It's always fun on Southwest Airlines. One day I will tell the tale told to me by a gal I know. She's unique because she likes bacon even more than I do. Imagine that.

Tonight - 500 Club.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!

Workin' at home ... ain't what she used to be!

bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

Who wants Jack Daniels?
3.5.2k6

I'm disturbed by all the God-this and WWJD-that. I wanted to see just how stupid people were so I decided to run a little experiment. I figured that anything to do w/ the Lord would carry some weight, so I started an eBay auction. The item up for bids was "$110 Cash." That's right. $110 cash. I wrote the description: "You read it right: I'm auctioning cash money. 110 bucks broken down like this: 1x 50, 5x 10 and 2x 5. It's ordinary American money with one catch: A real-live Nun may or may not have looked at it." I left it somewhat ambiguous with the may or may not bullshit. As it is, the whole thing was a bullshit experiment anyway.
So I set the auction to be a 24-hr only auction. I hit "Go" and waited. Nothing happened for the first 22 hrs then I got a hit. Some yokel bid fifty bucks - my preset opening bid. That's all she took. A few minutes later someone bid $52.51. Then it went crazy. I watched it PASS $110. There were 324 bidders all tryin' to outfox each other and snag some cash a nun glanced at ... or mebbe DIDN'T glance at. Goddang auction ended at $140. I paid eBay $6.50 to host the thing so I made ... um ... 20-some bucks for nothin' but bullshit. In yr FACE, Space Coyote!

Tonight - House of Shields.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!

bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

Doobie Bros.
3.4.2k5

Minutes from last week's TNSC SUMMIT.

7:45p The Summit was unofficially called to order.
7:47p Alberta began preparing a drink with apple slices and tequila.
7:55p Alberta presented me the drink.
8:05p The roll was called. In attendance: TNSC Robot, Linkey-Loo Coordinator, Porn Title of the Week Coordinator, Lee Lee The Musical Bee, Founding Member Mr. Metsker, Honorary Founding Member Mr. Genser, Defacto Founding Memeber Mr. Lindo, Adjunct Founding Member Mr. Porter, Lieutenant Founding Member Miss Wilson, Junior Founding Member Spark, Founding Member At Large Mr. Fassberg, State-Sponsored Founding Member Mr. Stillman, A Dingo Ate My Baby-Inspired Founding Member Mr. Kaphan, Honorary Founding Member Candidates Mr. Bell, Miss Borges, Mr. Vila and Doktor-Colonel (Ret.) Founding Member Mrs. Alan J. Chimenti.
8:07p Honorary Founding Member Mr. Gross was to have officiated the TNSC Flag Ceremony, but as there is no flag, no TNSC Flag Ceremony and Honorary Founding Member Mr. Gross is in the Far East, nothing happened.
8:10p The floor was opened for proposals.
8:11p Mr. Stillman, Mr. Bell, Mr. Vila and Mr. Lindo queued for drinks.
8:37p Nothing was proposed.
8:50p Nothing was seconded.
9:24p No one voted.
10:34 Mr. Stillman, Mr. Bell, Mr. Vila and Mr. Lindo ordered drinks.
11:02 Mr. Stillman, Mr. Bell, Mr. Vila and Mr. Lindo received their drinks.
11:25p The TNSC Minutes Recorder was damaged by a spilled adult beverage.

11:59p By Rule, The SUMMIT was ended.

Tonight - The Homestead. Folsom & 19th.


Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!

bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

Marsh Mallon
3.3.2k5

I swear I don't know what it is about the people in San Francisco and their inability to stand on the sidewalk and wait for the light to turn to cross the street. If a guy or gal is lookin' to jaywalk it's one thing, but at every goddamn intersectio, there's a few fuckers that step off the curb and stare at the walk/don't walk sign with no intention of jaywalking. They DON'T look to see there's no one speeding toward them or taking the turn fast and tight. And I been walking and biking around SF for ten-fuck years now and I can affirm that drivers speed and take turns tight.
How many of these idiots been run over, hit or killed? I dunno. Lots, I bet, and you ask me I'd say FUCK 'EM. Doorknobs that stand in traffic deserve what they get.

Whoa! How's that for a rant? Here's another:

I take the bus home across the bridge. People queue up to wait at the TransBay Terminal at First and Mission. Sometimes there's a long line, sometimes it is short. I tend to keep my ears and eyes open most of the time and pay attention to shit. If someone looks like they're gonna puke, I stand somewhere else. So I'm queued up in a longish line a few months back and someone hacks a quasi-cough. It sounded a lot like a gag. I thought to myself, "I hope that leper covered his or her mouth." GAAACCKKKHH. The fucker does it again. The next thought I have is, "Oh great, some dick has whooooooooooping cough and I'm getting stuck on a bus with him." Every few minutes the scumbag gags and after a while I pick her out. Normalish looking lady. Pea-green iPod Mini. And a fucking annoying gag. The bus comes and I sit far away from her and open the window in my face.
THE NEXT day and for days, weeks and months later, the bitch's gag doesn't clear up. I know she's gonna get me sick so one day I walk up and hand her a bag of Fisherman's Friend coughdrops. "What's this," she said. "What do you think, Mary, that goddamn cough-gag-thing you can't shake. Me and the rest of the pilgrims on this heap would prefer not to be coughed on every night. And mebbe you should get some doctor to have a look at yr disease." She said, "Who's Mary?"


Tonight - The Orbit Room.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!

Just to clarify, tonight is AC's Summit to determine the future of TNSC. Be there!

bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

And then?
3.2.2k5

Everyone says how much they hate Southwest Airlines: The long lines; the cattle-call free-for-all for seats; the unwashed masses. These are but a few of the things that make people hate it. I got no problem with SWA. They have planes that can go nonstop from the West Coast to Chicago. If ya book early enough, the flight is dirt cheap. The free flights come quickly, and they give you free drink tickets with every free flight. What's not to like.

People still say they hate it, though. I guess they hate it but fly it anyway, because for my annual trip to Spring Training baseball in Arizona I had to fly America West Airlines cuz all the cheap seats on SWA were gone and I was not gonna pay $1000 to fry OAK to PHX.

Oh and Am. West was SUCH a step up. Wow. It had, um ... unbelievable advantages over SW. Uh ... oh yeh! They had seat assignments! I got 12C (aisle) and my wife got 12B (middle). Fantastic! Only thing is we had different boarding grooooops. Stupid! And they boarded folks from all over the plane at the same time. Not first seats first, last last, last first, or whatever. Nope. I mean jeez. They might well have had Southwest's so-called "open seating."

And the class of people were such a welcome change from the mangy fucks from the budget airline. Some of these people had t-shirts without big johnson's or Cabo Wabo logos on them. Upper-upper crust, I'm tellin' ya. And the kicker - the thing that smacked me and said, "this here's some sophisticated folks," is the comments made by a beautiful couple of people making their way to row 16 or something. Passing me while looking for bin space for their luggage, the lady turned to the man trailing her and said, "Wow. Somebody actually put a BACKPACK in the overhead bin." To which the man said, "Huh. Sure looks that way."

I put the fucking backpack up there. I didn't see the sign that said, NO BACKPACKS. HERMES, COACH OR BETTER LUGGAGE ONLY. I suggested aloud to the people that they might charter their next flight so as not to be burdened with people putting backpacks in the place to put backpacks. The man opened his mouth to say something and I vomited on him. I excused myself and said I have a condition called Tarmac Airsickness and offered him my handkerchief. He declined.


OH! And the beers cost five bucks! SWA's beers are only four!

Tonight - Eagles Drift-In.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!

bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

Cough..Cough
3.1.2k6

Avoid Bronchitis or Avian Flu by going to The Attic.

Have the lovely bartendress mix you up some "Brass Monkey" shots. Or whatever they're called. Mathias Genser knows. You won't be sorry.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!


bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

A-10
2.4.2k6

Only this: There is a warthog at the Oakland Zoo.

Tonight - The Homestead. Folsom & 19th.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!

See also this warthog.

bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

Becket
2.3.2k6

Fer better or worse, computers are quite crucial to my life. Communication, entertainment, research, news, "relaxation," and my CAREER have computers as the key component. I'm really happy with my home computer setup. I got a slick, fast, feature-rich PowerBook that runs a fantastic operating system. I got a huge storage drive that currently has about 50 days-worth of music. And I got a phone, a camera and another gadget that play nicely with the computer.

I'm not having the same joy with my work computer. Sure it's fast and the applications work as they're intended to, but dealing with the Windows OS has always bummed me out. Recently there's one particular thing about the Windows experience that kills me: The "Windows Button."

If you don't know of the "Windows Button," it's fairly simply explained. One button to the left and to the right of the spacebar is the "Windows Button." Pressing it one gets booted out of the application they are in and presented with the "Start Menu" that contains shortcuts to applications. Ok, on the surface it's a fine idea. A hard-wired shortcut that MS knows by god that its customers NEED. Realistically, though, it sucks. It sucks because when one augments their primary input device (in my case a Wacom pressure-sensitive graphics tablet and stylus) with the keyboard to quickly change tools, the "Windows Button" is strategically located to get in the way. My work demands attention, concentration, focus and precision. I cannot afford to break concentration by looking down at my keyboard, let alone be totally derailed by accidentally touching the "Windows Button" when trying to press CTL or ALT and being presented with a shortcut to MY DOCUMENTS. It's retarded. It needs to go.

So I'm putting a call out to a List Member. I can't remember who it was but they had a kid. A clever kid. A young lad that will be going places in his life. This kid modified his daddy's computer's keyboard. And I'm talkin' CUSTOM mod. And with a non-standard tool: His SHOE! This kid extracted the Z key from his dad's computer with his shoe. I need to rent that kid and his shoe to get over here and rid me of this "Windows Button."

Will no one rid me of this meddlesome button?

Tonight - Latin American Club.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!

BART-friendly!

bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

Tony & Lee's
2.2.2k6

I was reading craigslist's events page this morning, as I do every morning, and a very strange listing caught my eye. Have a look: link.

I tell ya, I was thinking the very same thing! I often use the herky-jerky, run/walk, trip, slide and general look of a drunk leaving a bar to puke on a dumpster 'round back when I'm soberly walking to the bus depot. I do it for kicks. I do it to make myself laugh. I've forgotten how rewarding it is do do when actually smashed. It's how the whole thing got started: My roommate Phil and I went to a bar in Chicago and got into a heated pool tournament with a toothless, midget Eskimo named Adolph (no lie) and in the process I got so tanked I not only puked on the dumpster I puked on the El on the way home. yay!

The way the evenings have been lately tonight should be great! I hate to say it, but a TNSC meeting should be held outdoors in weather like this. Who feels like drunk-scuttling? I know I do.


Tonight - Zeitgeist.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!

bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

DIXN
2.1.2k6

I was coming across the bridge the other morning and the casual carpool driver's car had some bad shocks so while Jughead was super funny I had to put down my Archie's Pals and Gals Feb '06 issue because I just couldn't concentrate. (I've been known to boot from reading in the back seat of a bouncy car and I didn't want to out myself as being a total puss in front of strangers.) So I stared out the window instead and listened to the driver's preference radio station: An all-day salute to German Waltzes.

I always play "What's for breakfast" while coming across the bridge in the morning. That's where you look out the window and you try to guess what the next driver is scarfing down. Most often it's coffee or a bagel but sometimes it's fruit. Occasionally it's a breakfast burrito or yogurt. One time I saw a guy eating chicken legs and throwing the bones out the window. Fun.

I also like to try to memorize license plates. Geez I have a great time. I tend to get thrown off by vanity plates because instead of memorizing them I try to figure them out. Some are easy and lame: "DEBZGTI" or "RAYDRZ." Others are
easy and annoying: "PETAGAL." Then there are the curious ones. I started figuring on what the white Accord was thinking when he got the vanity plate "NOSHRTZ." I had a couple guesses. He was a Team USA women's soccer fan or an avid titty-bar patron. I was distracted when another car then went by with a "CUBSWN" plate. I couldn't figure what it meant. I'm sure it wasn't grounded in reality.

It's not often when I get a second chance to think of a plate but with "NOSHRTZ" I did. I was walking from the drop-off to the office that morning when I passed "NOSHIRTS" guy getting out of the Accord, having just parked it. "NOSHRTZ?" I asked. "I play a lot of pick-up basketball," he said. Figured. STUPID.


Tonight - Route 101.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!

Have a happy Super Sunday!

bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

Rob
1.4.2k6

The partying with rock stars and gallons of booze and "watching" people snort coke off hooker's tits until 8:45 this morning and 15 minutes later making dailies halfway across town (thank you Milo from Luxor Cab) has left me feeling ZOMBIFIED! I'm sure you'll feel right at home at the aptly-named HOMESTEAD tonight.

Tonight - The Homestead ... finder @ Folsom and 19th.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!

Pork tenderloin or roti chicken?

bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

You can't win.
1.3.2k6

Transcript of my Lotto Win press conference.

Lotto Rep: And may I introduce the big Lotto winner, Mr. TNSC Robot.
(applause)
TNSC Rbt: Thank you. First thing, Go Cubs. (applause) Okay, thanks, thanks. I'd, uh, like to thank the Cal Lotto commission and Gov. Terminator. I'd like to thank Hadj from Alameda Quickie Lickey Liquor #2, but since he gets a cut, mebbe he should be thanking me.
Hadj: Thanky Boss.
TNSC Rbt: Yeh, okay. Yr welcome. Anyway, the wife gets a new car, the car gets new mud bog tires, the yard gets a mud bog ... um ... oh yeh: The cat gets a thyroid. I'm gonna see how far that pipe-dream of buying a kid from his shitbox ma and giving him to his papa will come to reality. I'll throw some cabbage at it. Should be fun. Sorry I said shitbox - this is live TV - but I still mean it. Anyway, I'm gonna quit my job and buy a condo in Chicago. Stay there when the weather ain't cold. My lovely wife gets all that's left and, heh heh, since there's likely still MILLIONS left, she gets to do whatever she wants.
(applause)
Now if you'd all join me at TNSC's newly relocated headquarters, we should begin the party.

Tonight - Annie's Social Club

Please note that Annie's has moved and is now located at 917 Folsom (@ 5th). LLC and I stopped by last Friday pm and it's great and you gotta see it!

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!


bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

Shamalama Ding Dong
1.2.2k6

There was a show on in the 70's hosted by Spock Nimoy called In Search of and on the show he explored strange things in the universe, like the Shroud of Turin, haunted houses and if plants could communicate with each other, to name a few. I shure wish the show was still on the air, because I'd call up one of the producers and have 'em bring a crew over to my place as there is some seriously unexplained shit goin' on.

Or so my landlady would like me to believe.

Here's the story: Kitchen sink faucet has a drip. I notice it only because there's a coffee cup under the tap and the drip begins to fill the cup and thus begins to to make the classic drip-drip-drip noise. Additionally, it's the hot faucet that won't tighten and hot water is leaking. I'm thinking about wasted $$. I'm not totally useless so I get out my toolbox, turn off the water, unscrew the faucet, replace the washer and reassemble. The drip stops.

For a week or so.

Yes, the dang drip comes back and this time the drops of hot water are bigger and the frequency of drips is faster. I did what I could so I called my landlady. She said, "I'll come over with a plumber. Is the dog tied up?" I told her we didn't have a dog. Cats. We had cats. "Is the cats tied up?" I said no, but please don't let them out when you come over, because we will be at work and you will have to let yourself in. Then I said, "While yr at it, please call me and tell me when you are coming over." We had a problem with a workman coming over when we weren't home and landlady didn't tell us. Workman stomped flat some plants in the back yard, left tools, hardware and trash around and left the fucking gate open when he left. I didn't care for that. I wanted to know when people were coming around.

She called and said she'll be over in about an hour and asked if the dog was tied up. I reminded her we had cats and told her I wished she would have given us more heads-up than "an hour" so we could get prepared for work to be done. As it was, I remembered there were a couple dishes in the sink, but oh well. Turns out: Not "oh well."

I got home and found the cats to be okay. I looked at the sink and the drip was gone and the dishes were in the sink. Funny. I figured that I'd wash the dishes and so I turned on the water, soaped up a sponge and picked up a glass. The glass was broken. Cracked. It was on its side in the sink and it must have broken when tipped over. And as I don't lay glasses on thier sides when depositing into the sink, I guessed that the idiot "plumber" didn't empty the sink when doing his "work" and knocked the glass over, breaking it. Shit, I thought, but oh well: It's just a glass. Then i picked up a bowl to wash it and in it was a jagged shard of broken wine glass. Motherfucker, I thought, he broke two glasses. I looked for other broken pieces and they were nowhere. Not in the recycling bin, not in the garbage can and definately not in the sink. Holy shit! He broke them, then hid the evidence. But he didn't know he broke the other glass and therefore didn't hide it. I had to call landlady and ask her about it.

I called and asked. She said she standing by guy whole time. He did not break. I said they were not broken when I left and broken when I got home and most of one broken glass was hidden. She said not hidden, did not break. I asked her to ask the "plumber." She called back and said he no break no hide. I said I didn't break them and she said maybe the break themself. I said, okay, then one cleaned itself up and threw itself away in a place I couldn't find and she said yes. Maybe it break itself.

True fucking story. True. Actually happened.

Tonight - Sadie's Flying Elephant.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!

Worst turnout ever last week. Sorry to anyone coming late as I wasn't in the mood to sit around by myself. Redemption tonight!

bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!

Nightmare on Jump St.
1.1.2k6

If you saw me in Lost In La Mancha, the tragic story of the disastrous production and subsequent cancellation of Terry Gilliam's adaptation of Don Quixote, you might have wondered why I was wearing a pirate costume. I'll tell you why: I had taken Linky Loo Coordinator Alan J. Chimenti's advice and visited the Pirate Store in Bernal Heights right before I left for the shoot.

I was amazed at the place. There was everything a pirate might need, save a galleon to pursue, disable, forcibly board, plunder and ultimately burn and sink. There were fine silk shirts with voluminous pleated sleeves and tapered cuffs, dazzlingly shiny razor-sharp cutlasses, parrots of every species trained to sit atop either shoulder even in a fight, plain black and "fancy" eyepatches, plain wood and "fancy" peglegs, British Navy sailors to kill, unlucky sea passengers to assault and scurvy dogs to flog, keel-haul or make to walk the plank. And everything reasonably priced! I was a little low emotionally at the time and this place picked me right up. Seriously, you should go. They might even have ships now!

Tonight - Eagle's Drift-In Lounge.

Here's tonight's: Find the Reference!

Happy New Year to all. Sorry to those that might have missed last week's secret meeting due to the unexpected closure of The Owl Tree. That place is unreliable.

bye-ee!

whrr ... clik!